Erotica vs. Pornography

Keep the comments coming on the last post. The discussion has been very interesting to look through and I'm impressed with the respect shown in most comments.

In my mind, there is a difference between erotica and pornography. I will share my opinions on both realizing that you may not necessarily agree.

Erotica can be defined as literature or art dealing with sexual love.

Pornography is the depiction of erotic behavior intended to cause sexual arousal.

Some have written me asking if I would recommend erotica in their marriage, but I think they're really asking me about viewing pornography together.

Your definitions may be different from mine. I think movies with a passionate kiss or sexual tension (e.g. Pride and Prejudice), songs, poems and many pieces of art are erotica. Pornography, to me, leaves nothing to be wanted- it's all right there in front of you. It's sole intent is to be sexually arousing. Erotica may have a side effect of being sexually exciting to some, but it's not the sole purpose. Another interesting thing about pornography, is that people don't usually want to broadcast their use or viewing of pornography and many do it in private (Notice all of the anonymous comments in the Pornography post).

There can be wholesome connecting forms of erotica and others that cross the line into pornography. The line is becoming increasingly blurred. It likely varies between couples and individuals what falls where.

Some questions that might be helpful to ask yourself and your spouse to determine if material is appropriate in your relationship could include: Is this material demeaning, objectifying or uncomfortable? Is the sole purpose of this to be sexually arousing? Do my partner and I both feel comfortable? If we differ in our opinion- why?

There was recently an article in Psychology Today where the author explains his distinction between erotica and pornography. He articulates his ideas much better than me and I agree with most of what he says.