One of the biggest frustrations in my life hasn't been "the best way to please my husband." The majority has been the frustration of how to have a loving and romantic relationship when sexual abuse is a part of my past. There are many degrees of sexual abuse, and all of it affects your ability to fully open up your body to a loved one.As backwards as it seems, many people who have endured sexual abuse blame themselves. The reason is not clear and even though I have done that, it still boggles my mind. No matter what kind of person you were, or the abuser was, it was not your fault. Ultimately it only matters on the kind of person you strive to be. If you want to be able to give your mind, body and soul to a loved one, then you can. It may take months or even years, but it is possible.
Talk to someone. Whether it be your spouse, a friend or a professional. Someone needs to know and be the sounding board for the things that burden your heart. You don't need to go into extensive detail of every little thing that has ever happened to you. Just share what effects it has on you now. I for one had a hard time letting my spouse touch me in a romantic way. Some ways I was touched, positions and even words reminded me of the pain I had gone through and I shut down. I could not perform sexually when feeling past violation creep up.
The biggest step to my healing was learning that my husband is not a past abuser. He is a loving and caring man and wouldn't hurt me in the same way. It is so important to separate the people you love in your life away from an abuser.
A tender and gentle way to express this. I am sure that many will find this very helpful. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. I had been abused as a child, but never told anyone until I was engaged to be married. Through all the struggles, my husband has been so amazing, patient, and so gentle. It has taken us over a year to get past the effects of my childhood sexual abuse, but we make progress together everyday. Thank you for posting this... I can relate so much, and I am sure many more readers can relate as well.
ReplyDeleteI admire you for sharing this. Yes, victims of sexual abuse do have a hard time with intimacy. Growing up while keeping the experience to themselves, they usually turn into either a sexually promiscuous individual or someone afraid of intimacy or commitment. And you know what? It is natural. I'm so happy that you were able to take the right steps to healing. Knowing that your husband is not an abuser and him being there to help you move forward from the hurts of the past is a huge step forward.
ReplyDeleteVesta Duvall
I love your advice. What women need to understand in this situation is that they are never to blame. It doesn't matter whether they had shortcomings towards their husbands. They should realize that that is no reason for their husbands to sexually abuse them. Wives should always be respected and treasured by their husbands.
ReplyDeleteLynette Mcguire