Focus on Your Strengths

Do you ever see another woman and think to yourself something along these lines- "Wow. She has such a great waistline! I wish I had that." or "Check out her breasts. They're so perky and round. The only way I can get that is with a certain bra and it still doesn't look like that."

Chances are that you have. But, let me tell you a little secret. I bet you that the girl you're admiring and thinking is gorgeous probably doesn't think she is. She's probably so caught up on some little hangup with her body and she neglects to focus on her great aspects that others are likely to see. And you know what, people probably look at whatever your greatest feature is and are jealous of you!

Instead of focusing only on your flaws when you look in the mirror, focus on the strengths. Have you noticed that in advertising pictures or in model shoots the photographer tends to focus on the individual's strengths? Maybe, she has a great butt or great teeth or amazing eyes or stunning hair. Whatever it is- that's what the photographer strives to draw attention to.

Focus on your strengths. If you have long legs wear some lingerie that accentuates this. If you have a great waist line, show it off. If you have large breasts, let them be the one that draws his eyes on to you. If you have great eyes, do your makeup in a way to draw them out even more.

Play off of your strengths. Show them off and have confidence! You can do this inside and outside of the bedroom.

Here's a little example of giving yourself positive affirmations:

Ask the Audience -- Fulfilling Fantasies

A bit of a conversation has started on a past post sparked by this reader's comment.

"My husband just shared his fantasy of having me lock up his manhood in a little cage. He says it's a common fantasy among guys but I've never heard of it. I asked him why he wants me to do this and he said he thought it would be sexy to let me be in control of his sexuality and decide when he was let out. To force a win I said, "Yeah? And what if I don't let you out for a week!?" He said, "That would be your decision... but a lot of women keep their men locked up for much longer than that."

Another reader responded:

"It started in the bdsm community but has broken out and is becoming a popular mainstream activity. I first heard about it on fmh of all places. A girl at my work practices it with her hubby. She wears a clasp on her necklaces that dangles a little silver key on the back of her neck. When I asked her what the key was for she said 'you don't wanna know.' I said I did and she told me it was the key to her hubby's chastity tube (exact words). I was blushing so much I almost tripped on myself getting out of there. I have to admit it made me curious."

I'd love to see the conversation continue if any of you have tried this or have a husband interested in trying this out.

It can be such a great experience to share fantasies with each other. It shows you can be vulnerable with each other. Listen to each other's fantasies and why they're interested if you don't quite understand and see if you can fulfill any of them. Even if you can't fulfill them, it's still a very connecting experience to share them with each other.

If you don't have anything to add to this particular conversation topic, maybe share a fantasy you have talked about or fulfilled with your spouse.

Challenging the Media on Body Image

As women, I'm sure we can all agree that having a positive body image is SO hard! It's hard to think we look good when we're constantly getting message from media and even other people that we don't look right. Maybe, you're not happy with the size of our chest or waist or hips or something else- it's too small, it's too big, it's too lumpy. Maybe, you've even gained a few stretch marks from childbearing. Maybe, you think it's not worth it to try and look sexy because you have no hope. Maybe, you think that you should turn off the lights and get under the covers before your man catches a glimpse of you before you make love.

I'm inviting you to learn to love your body!

Challenge the false messages that you get from the media and others. There is no way that you can possibly look like that swimsuit model on the cover of Sports Illustrated. She doesn't even really look like that. Don't beat yourself up for the impossible. Next time you see an ad, pick it apart. You know it's fake. Do a little google search of photoshopped models before and after. See the differences yourself.

Before & After

Waist, breasts, legs, skin tone...

I've heard so many men say they wish their wives could just see themselves through their eyes. Your guy loves you and he loves your body.

Your body turns him on so show it to him!

Get A Bra that Fits

80-85% of women are wearing the wrong bra size!

Are you one of them?

Signs your bra doesn't fit:

1. You "pop out" the top of your bra. Your breasts are spilling over the cup. Put on a tight tshirt and test it out. Does your breast look round or is it lumpy spilling out of the top of your bra?
2. Your bra puckers and wrinkles in the cups. You can grab a section of your bra and not have any breast in there. Or you bend over and your bra is falling out of your bra.
3. Your bra band rides up your back throughout the day. You shouldn't have to readjust and pull it down.
4. The under wire isn't flat against your ribs or skin. Even in the middle between your breasts, it should lay flat.
5. It's digging into your shoulders or back and causing the look of major back or shoulder fat.

Discovering your bra size

1. Using a soft tape measure, measure around your rib cage just below your breasts. Add 4 inches and round up to the nearest even number.
2. Using a soft tape measure, measure around the largest part of your breasts over the nipples.
3. Subtract the difference between this number and your band measurement.Then find the match: A=1", B=2", C=3", D=4" etc.

For example, if you measure a 27" around your ribs then your band size is likely a 32. If your breast size is is 36" then you'd be a 32D.

Wearing the right size bra adds so much confidence. Plus, it can make you look like you've lost weight (10-20lbs for some!). There are certain styles, fabrics and types of bras that are suggested depending on your size and body type. Go meet with a professional for some suggestions or check out The Lingerie Handbook for some tips.

Remembering 9/11

I was reading an article on NPR about a wife who was able to speak to her husband on he 105th floor for about thirty minutes before the south tower fell and he passed away. The two had known each other since they were 16 and were 50 when he died. She spoke of how he wanted her to live a full life and kept repeating "I love you" in their final phone call.

My heart aches for those of you that lost loved ones and others in the events of September 11th and those that followed.

Take time today to show how much you love those around you.

Say I love you.

Hold them close.

Do an activity they enjoy.

Think before saying harsh words. Is it really going to matter in the grand scheme of things?

Take time to reflect and ponder on what's important in life.

Feelin' Sexy Friday: Boudoir Pictures

I realize Boudoir Photos could be controversial.

Do you think it's okay to show so much skin to somebody who is not your husband?

Have you had a good or bad experience?

What about your husband?

Boudoir Pictures could be a great gift for your spouse and seem to be becoming more popular. Recently, I've seen a lot of deals for these on my local Groupon and other deal sites.

These are a great gift for a spouse that's going away on deployment or a business trip, a memento of your young body, a fun surprise, or an idea for a girls night.

There can be a lot of variety in boudoir pictures.

If you're a bit camera shy you could just do some digital pictures with your girl friends or ask others about photographers they've used.

You could even set up timed pictures and do them yourself. If you're doing them yourself, turn the flash off and maybe have some candles or soft lighting. It'll leave a soft, subtle glow and be forgiving of any imperfections you worry about.

You choose the level of nudity you are comfortable with. I've seen some really classy boudoir photos where they're still sexy but have some mystery.

You can choose the style you'd like. For example, vintage pinup style may be better for those of you that have a few more curves since that's the style anyway.

You can do them inside, use your bedroom, outside or in a studio setting.

Mix up what you're wearing. You could gradually lose clothing in each picture or just have a variety of outfits you wear or don't wear.

It's all about attitude. Be confident and comfortable. If you feel sexy, you'll look sexy.