A bit of a conversation has started on a past post sparked by this reader's comment."My husband just shared his fantasy of having me lock up his manhood in a little cage. He says it's a common fantasy among guys but I've never heard of it. I asked him why he wants me to do this and he said he thought it would be sexy to let me be in control of his sexuality and decide when he was let out. To force a win I said, "Yeah? And what if I don't let you out for a week!?" He said, "That would be your decision... but a lot of women keep their men locked up for much longer than that."
Another reader responded:
"It started in the bdsm community but has broken out and is becoming a popular mainstream activity. I first heard about it on fmh of all places. A girl at my work practices it with her hubby. She wears a clasp on her necklaces that dangles a little silver key on the back of her neck. When I asked her what the key was for she said 'you don't wanna know.' I said I did and she told me it was the key to her hubby's chastity tube (exact words). I was blushing so much I almost tripped on myself getting out of there. I have to admit it made me curious."
I'd love to see the conversation continue if any of you have tried this or have a husband interested in trying this out.
It can be such a great experience to share fantasies with each other. It shows you can be vulnerable with each other. Listen to each other's fantasies and why they're interested if you don't quite understand and see if you can fulfill any of them. Even if you can't fulfill them, it's still a very connecting experience to share them with each other.
If you don't have anything to add to this particular conversation topic, maybe share a fantasy you have talked about or fulfilled with your spouse.
Very interesting. I haven't heard of this exact fantasy before but I have heard of similar ones where a woman ties up her man and teases him. I think it's very intriguing that it was the husband who asked for this. And they say women are hard to figure out!
ReplyDeleteThe more I think about it, the more I think this could really work for us. My husband has a tendency to put the cart before the horse, so to speak, and skip foreplay as he makes a bee-line for the goal posts. (Sorry for the mixed metaphors. :) ) He's a good lover and a super sweet guy but sometimes I wish I had a little more control over the timing and outcome of our lovemaking. Something like this, assuming he's OK with it, would let me be the one calling the shots for a little while. Ya know what? I think I'll go plant the seed right now...
(When it comes to sexy ideas, all I have to do is suggest them and then let it brew. He will inevitably want to try them out. I love that guy.)
"I wish I had a little more control over the timing and outcome of our lovemaking."
DeleteThen just ask him to let you take the lead sometimes. Seems much simpler than asking him to let you take the lead AND wear a restraining device as well.
wow, this is really hot!
ReplyDeleteI feel so happy! My husband and I practice this and I thought I was totally alone. Yay! Thank you so much for posting this. I'm smiling so wide right now you have no idea.
ReplyDeleteK, here's our story: My husband has masturbated to pornography his entire adult life. He thought he would stop when we got married but no dice. It caused him a lot of guilt, in fact I think he was a lot more torn up about it that I was. He tried to stop many times but just didn't have the willpower. We are very open about sex and he finally came to me with this idea of using a male chastity device to help him quit.
I thought it was funny, actually, and kind of ironic that he would use this sex toy to stop masturbation. Anyway, we set some goals and we had a little ceremony and locked him up. I took the keys and hid them (under the flour container, as if he would ever look there!). At first we would just go a day or two, then I would unlock him and we would have pretty great sex. Gradually I started to feel sort of sexy about having control over our sex life and I started to increase the time to see how much control I really had. I once kept him locked up for an entire month and it almost did him in.
When he is locked up he is basically on a constant sexual high. It is very frustrating for him, but that is part of the pleasure he gets from it. He says he constantly thinks of me at work and wonders where I am, what I am wearing and what I am doing. It has restored his interest in me to higher levels than we were dating!
Now days I keep him locked up for about two weeks at a time. I'll have to do the math some time but if memory serves we've been doing this for about a year and a quarter. He's completely masturbation and pornography free (except the few soft films we watch together) and we don't plan to change our situation any time soon. ;)
So, to sum it up, it's been a great experience for us both but it has also taken a lot of study, trial & error and patience to get it right. I would recommend it to anyone who is a little bit adventuresome, especially if the husband has a kinky side and enjoys being tied up or is turned on by a confident woman. It probably won't work as a masturbation stopper unless it's also a sexy game between the two of you. I could tell you so much more but I'll leave it at that for now. I hope that helps you! Thanks again, you made my day!
-Kate
Omg my boyfriend talks about this all the time. I told him to buy the thing and that I think it would be fun but he always chickens out. He says he doesn't want the charge on his credit card where his accountant might see. I think he's just scared of putting those keys in my hot little hands
ReplyDelete;-)
now this looks fun. Single girl here. Any single guys want to send me their chastity keys? I promise to let you out.... Sometimes....
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHi
Deletei would love to give mine to you if i got to know you first and then who knows?
Woo hoo! I'm glad we got something a little spicier to talk about this time. Sometimes I get tired of the same old topics of "How to have an orgasm," or "How to give great oral sex." Great post.
ReplyDeleteThis type of fantasy is way more common than you might think. Men in today's society are told that they have to always be in control, to be macho, to make a lot of money, to rise above others and to be confident and dominant with women. It is very stressful to try to live up to those exectations. Many men in powerful, stressful positions find it very erotic to give up control of their sexuality and their body to a woman they trust. When a man is calling the shots all day long, it can be exciting to be out of control at night, completely at the mercy of someone else.
At the same time, many women feel like they are powerless and don't have control over their lives. This can lead to depression or, in extreme cases, eating disorders and cutting. To be able to take control of her own sexuality AND the sexuality of her man is often a huge turn-on for women.
If your husband expresses these feelings, don't be afraid of it, there's nothing wrong with him and it doesn't make him any less of a man. Be there for him. Be strong and willing to take control in the bedroom sometimes. He will love you for it!
Lovin your comments girls. I haven't tried this chastity yet but my DH asked me to try something else. He had a fantasy of me wearing a "strap-on" when we have sex. He's not gay, I feared that at first but I have been sufficiently reassured that he isn't. I think he just likes to be taken, which is something I can totally understand. Who doesn't like that? We did it on our anniversary in London 1 month ago, then we did it again when we got home from the trip. I like it more and more each time we do it.I had to learn how to thrust like a man and I'm getting to be an expert. I read him all your comments and he is excited to try a penis cage. He is surfing online for one right now! :0
ReplyDeleteAlyssa, thank you so much for posting my questions! Also thank you to everyone who has been commenting. I'm the one who first asked for help so I feel like I owe everyone a report.
ReplyDeleteI feel so much better knowing that others are out there with this same fantasy and that it's not too weird. :) I finally told my husband that I would be willing to try it out with him. We talked and I read him all of your comments. Turns out he had had a chastity device for a long time and he was hiding it from me because he was scared of what I would say. That made me sad that he felt like he couldn't trust me, but we're fixing that now. Last night we did a little locking up ceremony like Kate suggested. He showed me how to put it on. It's a bit complex but he seems to be an expert at it. It was important to him that I snap the little lock closed and not him, which was fine. It was a lot more erotic that I thought it would be and I did feel powerful. As soon as I stood up with the keys in my hand and saw the look of happiness and fear on his his face I wanted to unlock it and jump on him! But I held firm. He is at work now and still locked up. I am supposed to decide how long to keep him in but I won't tell you here because I don't want him to know. I can't explain it but it is actually very sexy to know that I have him bound to me and thinking about me even though he is miles away in some business meeting. I will give you an update when he gets home tonight.
I wish I would have found this post earlier. I am a guy who is really into make chastity. I have played with it in a number of relationships over the years and I have plenty of experience. I can give you lots of great information or point you to the best online resources. I'm on lunch break now but I will post more tonight. I'm elated to see that this wonderful lifestyle is emerging from the fringe into the mainstream. You are in for a treat!
ReplyDeleteOK, I'll try not to overwhelm the audience with too much information.
ReplyDeleteLet me first say that male chastity, as practiced by millions of normal, happy, well-adjusted couples, is intended to be *fun*. It's a game (some would call it more of a sport), not an implement of medieval torture. Having said that, it is a pretty intense and at times difficult game that has the potential to alter relationships and personalities if done right. In a loving relationship it requires trust, communication and effort.
Enforced male chastity started out as a fringe fetish some time in the late 80's or early 90's. It became attached to the BDSM/fetish community but lately it seems to have transcended that group and has exploded into the mainstream. Today it is becoming very common to hear sexologists, sex therapy professionals and even life coaches prescribing male chastity to couples as a safe, fun alternative to destructive or addictive behaviors. The web is full of testimonials that it has saved marriages that were threatened by cheating, porn addictions, boredom, or emotional abuse. The FMH blog post someone mentioned is a great example of male chastity growing in even the most conservative societies ( http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=3333 ).
The allure of chastity stems from the erotic feelings that are aroused in men when we let a woman take possession of our sexuality. For the woman holding the keys the main pleasure is the feeling of empowerment and connection that arise from a man submitting his sexual destiny into your hands. The feelings intensify the longer the woman chooses to keep the man locked up. Part of this is due to the natural process of the man's semen production and part of it is the psychological aspects of submitting to someone and feeling "powerless to resist," so to speak. After a period of a few days, men begin to experience intense sensations of devotion to the woman holding the keys. They find that romantic and erotic thoughts of her continuously come to mind. They are often filled with a desire to serve her and to give her any freedom she desires. These feelings are very intense and very real and are difficult to describe to anyone who has not experienced them. They are similar to the all-consuming feelings of being infatuated as a teenager and they tend to stay intense as long as the man is locked up.
(...continued)
ReplyDeleteChastity has a practical side as well. The male libido is often out of balance with the female libido. Men tend to pressure women for sex and feel hurt when they are rejected. What's worse, when men do get sex, they often lose interest in it (and their partner) for some time afterward. Keeping the man locked up removes the hurt of rejection and provides the man with a sexual experience, even though there is no actual sex. At the same time it frees the woman to choose to have sex on her time table. Additionally, keeping a man chaste has obvious benefits to those who desire to avoid pornography and masturbation but lack the willpower.
Up until recently male chastity was primarily practiced by mature couples looking to spice up the relationship. Recently, however, there has been a surge of participation among college-aged youth. Part of this stems from an increasing confidence among women in their own sexuality and a resistance to the traditional thinking that giving a man sex was the only way to win his affection. There are countless twitter feeds and facebook pages of girls in their 20's who have chosen to keep their men locked up. A young woman named Sophie ( @Sophslaw on twitter) is one great example of this. She has all three of her ex-boyfriends still locked in chastity after they have broken up, and her current boyfriend as well. All partied involved are happy with the arrangement, especially Sophie. I hope that this trend continues. I hope that the male chastity device (and the strap-on) become the symbols of female sexual empowerment in the 21st century that the vibrator was for the 20th century.
Now, because of it's early association with BDSM, a simple web search for male chastity will bring up all kinds of silly things. For that reason I've included a few links to good sites. As you search around, you will find people who are into chastity but are also into a lot of other crazy fetishes. Do not let anyone tell you that these other things have to go along with chastity. Male chastity can stand alone, and most often it does.
Devices. The most popular type of device is the plastic "CB" series. Ironically, these are made in Ogden Utah and shipped by the millions to the whole world. The CB-6000 is probably the best overall device for starters. It costs about $120, roughly the price of a deluxe vibrator. However, if you are serious about long-term male chastity (being kept locked up for more than a week or two at a time) you will probably need to invest in a stainless steel device. They are a little more expensive but still reasonable. Many of these devices can be purchased from your local adult novelty store or online retailer, however I prefer to buy from chastity-aware retailers who are much more knowledgeable.
I hope this helps you and your husband get started. Thanks, Gwen, for this opportunity to get the word out and clear up any confusion about the practice. I would love to answer any more questions about it if anyone has any.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Delete“I hope that the male chastity device become the symbols of female sexual empowerment in the 21st century that the vibrator was for the 20th century”
DeleteSeems adequate considering where modern feminism is heading.
- The vibrator symbolizes empowerment and control over YOURSELF. It means freedom from others.
- The chastity cage symbolizes power and control over SOMEONE ELSE. It means domination, lack of equality, and enforced subjugation.
And that is what modern feminism is, it stopped being about equality a long time ago, and is now about female supremacy, control, and domination over men.
Anyone who wants this is a sick, horrible person.
Here are the chastity-related resources I promised.
ReplyDeleteProminent Bloggers:
Tom Allen - The godfather of male chastity
http://vanillaedge.wordpress.com
Sarah Jameson - A mainstream, down-to-earth UK woman
http://www.malechastityblog.com/
Popular Sites:
Altairboy's Site - One of the oldest sources of chastity-elated content including reviews, erotic
stories and personal experiences
http://www.tpe.com/~altarboy
Elise Sutton - Into more than just chastity (her thing is "Female Superiority") but has been an outspoken advocate of chastity (She does have a free section on Q&A and personal experiences)
http://elisesutton.homestead.com
Reputable Suppliers:
Kept For Her - A sweet Christian couple who sell the CB line of devices, will answer questions,
very prompt and discreet
http://www.keptforher.com/
Chastity Heaven - Great maker of custom steel devices
http://www.chastityheaven.com/
Lori - One of the oldest suppliers of steel belts
http://www.chastitytube.com
Chasity Play - UK based supplier of all kinds of devices, including the popular "Spiral"
http://www.chastityplay.co.uk
Getting Started Guides & Books:
http://sarahjameson.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/male-chastity-guide-a-beginners-guide-to-male-chastity-2893575.html
http://www.amazon.com/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1318008866&sr=8-1
I think I've heard of this but we have never tried it. Most of my fantasies are of other time periods or far away places. My dh fantasizes about me kissing another woman. Since he told me I started to add it to my fantasies as well. We watched a show about a woman who cheated on her wheelchair bound husband. Ever since then he has started to fantasize about me being with another man. We would never act these out in real life. I am too shy.
ReplyDeletetee hee. this makes me giggle. if you guys want to lock it up and give us gals the keys then who am i to argue? no more wars, wallstreet greed, sports, violence. it would be wonderful! ;) my fantasies are mostly about me dressing up in sexy clothes and leather and dancing in front of an audience. i like the idea of kissing a girl like the last poster said but it would have to be the right person. anyway, gr8 post. thx!
ReplyDeleteThis half of my post didn't go through last time (or it was deleted in which case just delete it again, I won't be offended.)
ReplyDeleteOK, I'll try not to overwhelm the audience with too much information.
Let me first say that male chastity, as practiced by millions of normal, happy, well-adjusted couples, is intended to be *fun*. It's a game (some would call it more of a sport), not an implement of medieval torture. Having said that, it is a pretty intense and at times difficult game that has the potential to alter relationships and personalities if done right. In a loving relationship it requires trust, communication and effort.
Enforced male chastity started out as a fringe fetish some time in the late 80's or early 90's. It became attached to the BDSM/fetish community but lately it seems to have transcended that group and has exploded into the mainstream. Today it is becoming very common to hear sexologists, sex therapy professionals and even life coaches prescribing male chastity to couples as a safe, fun alternative to destructive or addictive behaviors. The web is full of testimonials that it has saved marriages that were threatened by cheating, porn addictions, boredom, or emotional abuse. The FMH blog post someone mentioned is a great example of male chastity growing in even the most conservative societies
( http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=3333 ).
The allure of chastity stems from the erotic feelings that are aroused in men when we let a woman take possession of our sexuality. For the woman holding the keys the main pleasure is the feeling of empowerment and connection that arise from a man submitting his sexual destiny into your hands. The feelings intensify the longer the woman chooses to keep the man locked up. Part of this is due to the natural process of the man's semen production and part of it is the psychological aspects of submitting to someone and feeling "powerless to resist," so to speak. After a period of a few days, men begin to experience intense sensations of devotion to the woman holding the keys. They find that romantic and erotic thoughts of her continuously come to mind. They are often filled with a desire to serve her and to give her any freedom she desires. These feelings are very intense and very real and are difficult to describe to anyone who has not experienced them. They are similar to the all-consuming feelings of being infatuated as a teenager and they tend to stay intense as long as the man is locked up.
Just checkin in folks. My hubby is doing really well in the cage and I'm not doin too shabby either. :) We tried 24 hours first, then took him out to inspect for any problems. Things looked good so we locked him up for two more days which ends tonight. If things are looking good then we're going to shoot for about a week.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby was supposed to be thinking about me all the time when he is locked up, and he says that he is, but I find myself thinking about him all the time now too. It's too early to tell but so far this has turned us into a couple of giggling teenagers in love again.
Thanks for all the info and support everyone. I'll post more progress soon.
-Original Poster
Yep, things looked good so we've begun his one-week sentence. I'm going to try to be really firm on that date, even though he is already starting to beg. He has now gone longer without an orgasm than he can ever remember going in his adult life. This is his fantasy and I'm going to give it to him (but don't tell him that it's starting to become my fantasy now too).
ReplyDelete@Original Poster
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited that this experience is bringing you both closer together! It's great to keep the spark alive and mutual.
Alyssa, thanks so much for your comments. A month ago I never imagined we'd be doing anything like this. Now I'm loving it! I took a risk, we both did, and it's paying off for us big time. We're having a lot of fun with it. My hubby's sex drive is spiking through the roof right now and I realize that I've never really known his sexual potential until now. I'm planning to keep playing this game for the foreseeable future, and keep him locked up for many moons to come. He has created a monster! :)
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for enlightening me and helping me view sex in a whole new way. This has been one of my favorite posts ever. I realize that I have marginalized men's sexuality and dismissed it as one-dimensional and simple. Boy was I wrong. Best of luck to you and your husband. Keep us posted!
ReplyDeleteI love this idea. I want to try it, so how do I convince my husband?
ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous 3:39, great question! I would say that if your husband has already expressed an interest in any sort of bondage or other kinky fun then you're home free. All you have to do is tell him you heard about male chastity and that it excites you. If he hasn't heard about it then you may have to explain it to him. Once the seed is planted in his mind he will keep thinking about it until he wants to give it a try.
ReplyDeleteIf he hasn't really had any kinky desires up until now then you are in for a bit more work. You may have to start slow and build the desire in him. You might want to read some erotic stories with him that feature a powerful woman. You might want to just share your fantasies with him and have him share his.
If he seems interested you can try experimenting with light bondage. Tie him up with silk scarves to your bedposts so he can experience the thrill of losing control and the erotic sensation of the silk on the pressure points of his wrists and ankles. These sensations are analogs to what he will feel when he is locked in chastity for you. If he responds well to these then it's time to bring in some erotic stories about chastity and female-led relationships. You can find these at the altairboy site mentioned previously but you should be selective because a lot of those stories can get kind of out there. ;)
Of course, there are some men that will never really be into it. I'm not sure how well male chastity will work with these men. It's worth a try but if it doesn't work for him on some level then you just have to keep it a fantasy.
I hope that gives you something to start with. Feel free to ask us more questions. Keep us posted!
I disagree with just keeping it a fantasy. You have the pussy,he wants the pussy. You have the rest of your life to make it happen. He is not going to resist your 'womanly charms' forever. He will give in eventually. Check Alterboy's stories for ideas.
DeleteWhat is this? Pushing a vanilla partner to take a submissive role is absolutely sick and abusive, especially if it involves a physical restraint that causes frustration.
DeleteHell, pushing a vanilla partner to be a Dom would already be abusive. Pushing to be a Sub and wearing a restraining device should land you in jail. What a horrible, abusive little shit you are.
I posted a long comment in response to your question, Anonymous 3:39, but I don't see it here now. I'll summarize. If your hubby is already interested in being tied up (or anything like that) then it'll be very easy to convince him to try male chastity. Just tell him about it and that you think it's hot and he'll want to try it for sure.
ReplyDeleteIf he hasn't expressed such interest then perhaps the two of you can read some erotic stories together that have themes along the lines of a man submitting himself to his woman. This may spark the interest. Most men enjoy this on some level, so you have a good chance.
Some men are too insecure to allow a woman to take charge in the bedroom. That's not meant to be an insult or anything. If that's your husband you may have a harder time convincing him to try male chastity, but it's still worth a shot. You may have to ask him to try it as a favor to you.
Good luck! Keep us posted on how it goes!
“Some men are too insecure to allow a woman to take charge in the bedroom.”
DeleteWhat kind of Orwellian newspeak is this?
This has nothing to do with “taking charge”. No man is “insecure” about having the woman on top or taking the lead. This is NOT what chastity is.
Chastity is about control, domination, bondage, being physically restrained and frustrated. It means lack of equality or reciprocity, and DENYING someone else’s pleasure.
Most men wouldn’t want this, and not because of “insecurity”, but because we rightfully see it as unhealthy behavior. What kind of sick abusive partner would want to deny pleasure to their loved ones and get off from someone else’s frustration? Get lost.
Gives new meaning to the song "Dick in a Box " ... i love it !!
ReplyDeleteLelo Vibe,
ReplyDeleteTee hee! ;) So true! We've been having some great fun and pretty intense experiences with it. I've learned so much about my husband and about myself in the past few weeks. I have a lot I could share. I'll post an update tonight.
-Original Poster
Just thought I would check in. We are coming up one month of my hubby being locked up in the chastity device. It's been amazing. We were only planning to go for one week but that week went so well that we just kept extending it. After the first week we discussed it at length and decided that we should extend the time for another week and that it would be solely my decision whether to extend the time in following weeks.
ReplyDeleteBefore you jump to the conclusion that I am torturing my dear husband, remember that this is something he wanted and still wants. He requested that I make the decisions about how long to keep him in going forward. Now that I have learned a TON about this lifestyle I feel more comfortable doing that. Besides, if he REALLY wanted out he could always make a trip to our local locksmith.
I think the main thing I've learned is that I need to keep things fun and exciting for him for his fantasy to work. It doesn't have to be a lot of work, just a few simple teasing comments here and there can send him through the roof and make him strain in his cage, which is exactly how he likes to play the game.
The one-month mark will be on Nov 8th. I'm trying to decide if I will let him out and/or what I will do to celebrate the day. Any ideas?
-Original Poster
"Before you jump to the conclusion that I am torturing my dear husband, remember that this is something he wanted and still wants."
DeleteWell he clearly stated "Hit wasn't his goal to stay locked up for any specific period of time, or to even be locked up at all. It was his desire to hand that power over to me and let me make those choices."
So no, he doesn’t “want” to be locked for weeks on end, he wants you to have control, and YOU are using that control to extend his frustration.
You could remain in control and use that to give him pleasure, but YOU chose otherwise.
This is actually a good test to see if a partner actually cares about you, or is just being nice because they are not allowed to show their true colors.
You showed yours, and it makes you a horrible abusive partner who gets off on someone else's frustration.
Wow, Anon32, you really, really, really don't get it.
DeleteActually, methinks thou dost protest too much. Could you perhaps be terrified by your own desires?
@Anonymous Original Poster
ReplyDeleteWould you be interested in emailing me your story and we can do a little feature on it? I'd love to get more couples excited about fulfilling each other's fantasies. We can post it anonymously. Email me at alyssamftATgmailDOTcom
I'd love to! It's been a really fun adventure and we've got lots to share. I'll get to work on it right away. :)
ReplyDelete-Original Poster
Hey, no fair having secret conversations. :) I can't wait to hear this story of yours.
ReplyDeleteSorry! I recently sent my story to Alyssa so maybe you'll get to read parts of it soon. :)
ReplyDelete-Original Poster
@Original Poster
ReplyDeleteI haven't received your story yet. Want to re-send? AlyssaMFT@gmail.com
OK, I re-sent that email. I hope it goes through. The subject line is "FW: Our Story (per your request for our experiences with exploring fantasies)". I wonder if it's going straight to the spam bin. :)
ReplyDelete-Original Poster
I think a great holiday gift for a spouse would be a fulfilled fantasy. You could wrap an empty box and when they open it, tell them they get to choose the fantasy that you will fulfill. If you are nervous that they will choose something that you aren't ready for then perhaps you could make a little coupon book of the ones you are ready for. Happy holidays!
ReplyDeleteForgive me, I'm a little late in jumping in on this topic. I've worn a male chastity belt for my wife since June of 2003. We started with a CB-2000, moved to the CB-3000 shortly after it became available and I'm currently wearing the CB-6000s for nearly a year now.
ReplyDeleteWe heard about it while riding in the car together on a radio program. It sparked an interest in my wife. I didn't take it seriously initially but that all changed when she ordered the original CB-2000. Honestly, the idea of wearing it scared the hell out of me.
Fast forward nearly 9-years, we are a "normal" couple in our late 40's and it has been absolutely fantastic for our marriage. Intially it was hard on me and certainly took some getting used to, particularly wearing it overnight. We've been married for over 16-years now and a good part of it I've been wearing a chastity belt for her. There have been periods of time when we didn't use it but generally, that didn't work out so well for me. She would get irritated with my behavior and couldn't wait to get me locked back up again. It has greatly improved our relationship, particularly communication and intimacy. The changes were so profound that it kind of takes on a life of its own once you get started. I'm not a wimp and outwardly, you would never know this is something we pratice. I'm self-emlpoyed with a 6-digit income and run a small business. We both make desicions in the household. It's just something we use to enhance our relationship and it works for us.
I generally wear it about a week to 10-days at a time between intimacy and with a supervised scrub down and shave every 3-5 days. The longest I've worn it was 15-days while my wife was out of the country.
It has nothing to do with trust issues although it obviously prevents infidelity. You have to majorly trust your wife to allow her to hold the key to your genitals. I think the biggest benefit is in preventing me from masturbating. I have to rely on my wife for intimacy and I'm always ready for business when she takes it off. It's always on her terms and when she's ready. I find that I'm always courting her which she absolutely loves but doesn't carry any guilt in deciding when or saying "no". At this point, she loves the device so much and it has had such a profound impact on our marriage, I don't see an end to it anytime soon, not that I'd want to. After nearly 9-years the novelty has worn off but the effects it has on our marriage has not.
Ladies, if you are open minded enough to give it a try, I'd highly recommend it. You may need to be persistant and assertive initially but stick with it. What's the worst that can happen? You can improve your marriage?
What's the worst that can happen?
DeleteHow about he leaves you or loses all respect because you turned out to be an abusive monster?
Pushing a vanilla partner to take a submissive role is absolutely sick and abusive, especially if it involves a physical restraint that causes frustration.
Having the desire to dominate your partner, control his behavior, deny him pleasure, and put him in a restraining device is so sick and unhealthy that I wonder about your mental sanity. What a horrible, abusive little shit you are.
@Anonymous Feb 23, 2012 02:06 PM,
ReplyDeleteYour experience has been a lot like ours, although we've only been doing it since last October (when I first posted my questions here). My DH has been pretty much locked up ever since (with a few breaks here and there). It's been pretty amazing and has changed our relationship and our sexlife in profound and positive ways. There was a bit of a learning curve for me at first and we had to work through the usual issues with fitting and adjusting our routine. But the effects are well worth the effort. My DH is living his fantasy of me taking control and I am living this amazing dream of being empowered in ways that I never thought a woman could be.
As you said, my DH is still the protector and provider of our home and family, still the strong man that he always was. That masculine role of his is deeply ingrained in his personality and even in our religion. But with male chastity play we've found a wonderful way for me to help bear the burden of the male sex drive while having a LOT of fun doing it.
I don't see us going back any time soon. I'm really glad you shared. So many couples could benefit from even a little bit of male chastity play.
-Original Poster
Pt 1. To the lady readers learning of this interest for the first time, please understand that no matter what fantasies you share with each other, your reaction to it is almost more important than your sentiment or overall feelings about it. That's true whether it's date #5 or after 30 years of marriage. A negative reaction to a guy's deepest, most personal fantasy is extremely hurtful. Realize that most likely, he's telling you after working up the bravery to reveal something so personal, that YOU are the one he trusts to share with. And when it comes to any sort of fetish or kink he has that goes against stereotypical "manliness", it's more terrifying for him to share. It's also doggone SCARY to agree to hand over that kind of control so... if it strikes you as truly odd and weird, don't show that in how you react. Listen, ask questions, and make him feel comfortable sharing so that even if it's not in your comfort zone now, he'll never hold back from feeling safe to tell you personal things.
ReplyDeleteI admitted to my wife that I had grown an interest in tease & orgasm denial or orgasm control via e-mail. We have special accounts where we can express ourselves best. Yes, face to face is great, but this way, we spend time with our thoughts and expressions w/o any burden. Anyway...
She may not quite have understood it right away, but when she sent me an e-mail telling me that I was not allowed to touch myself other than for cleaning, and that I wasn't allowed to orgasm until she said so? Wow, talk about hot! And after a few days when she found I couldn't keep myself from pleasing her and wanting to please her constantly, SHE got thrilled too!
We have not gone into "chastity" and no, when we play like this, no matter how much I want to cheat and sneak a quick orgasm, I never do. Why? The feeling of high arousal day in and day out is just incredible and I'd spoil that for myself. Besides, she's participating too so I can't rob her either.
Pt. 2
ReplyDeleteI'm somewhat interested in trying a device mostly just to feel what it'd be like. I am nervous that she might not like the look. A device like a CB6000 causes the testicals to press forward and look much larger than the penis so I don't know if that could be a turn off for her.
If she said she wants to try it, I will jump right in!
Last bit of advice for ladies in the couple: locking him up and leaving him alone would be like him tying you to the bed and instead of him thrilling you, he goes to the kitchen to make a sandwich and watch a ball game on tv. Whether you use a device or not, TEASE IS KEY, and it's so easy for you to do!
For example, when we last played, after a few days, I was constantly "at attention". Before bed, she'd touch down there to get me overwhelmed, just for maybe a minute or less and then stopped, said "that's all for tonight, maybe again tomorrow if you're good!" and then rolled over to go to sleep! Or she would touch for just 5-10 seconds when waking up and say "okay, get up, gotta get to work!" And it was delicious cruelty!
It's a common theme online about male chastity that it turns men into house slaves. Well many men have a much more submissive nature and desire more extreme levels of domination with chastity. But here's the real scoop for what happens with the rest of us:
When you control sex and our ability to be pleasured, we constantly want it, of course! We DON'T start cleaning the house and doing the dishes because we think it'll make you want to "unlock" us as a reward! Lol. We start doing a lot of the household tasks you might otherwise do becasaaaause... it clears up YOUR time so that there's time for intimacy and/or teasing and thrilling one another! It's harder for you to say "not tonight, I have too many things to do before bed"! You might make him wait anyway but at least chores or tasks can't be an excuse. So no, it doesn't "make" us more docile or domesticsted inherently.
Pt. 3 (last one)
ReplyDeleteOne other bit of advice for first timers. Ladies, tell him that you'll just go easy this first time and ask him how long he wants to try it out before unlocking him or letting him get relief. No matter WHAT answer he gives, once he gives it, DOUBLE IT. Say "One week? Okay, two weeks it is." Watch his face. I guarantee you you'll be like the previous poster and want him right away! If he looks at you wide eyed tell him "Ah ah aaah. Your fantasy is for me to be in charge and I say two weeks. Don't pout or I'll make it three!" Everything will be awesome for both of you after that. Make sure that whatever time you double, you carry out. After it's over, have another sharing session. He might say the time was way too much for him and he felt stressed or uncomfortable going that long. Or, he may say he'd be up for going longer next time. Then work out what works best for you both. Though when in doubt... go a little longer! :-)
From what I understand, no male chastity device is fullproof in preventing escape. And for those interested in tease and denial without a device and you're worried about him cheating the game, here's one simple way to almost ensure he won't.
Having his orgasms/erections controlled by his woman has probably been a strong and secret desire for longer than you can imagine and finally, it's coming true. If he tries to "top from the bottom" and dictate, tell him that he handed you the key (or gave you control) for a reason and if he's not going to submit and committ to that, then you'll stop right now and won't ever participate in it again. Generally, you should mean it too because 9x's out of ten, it's the man introducing this fantasy into both of your lives, not the other way around. If you're willing to indulge, he should be willing to step up. Otherwise, that time could be spent focusing on YOUR fantasies, right?
Have fun, be safe, and no matter how you play always remember...
Tease, tease, tease! The romantic, erotic, and mental pleasure you will get from teasing is unimaginable. You will more than likely come to love this form of play as much, if not more than he does!
"No matter what answer he gives, double it?"
DeleteWhat kind of shit advice is this?
Just because YOU are a degenerate who wants to be pushed doesnt mean other men want to.
That's like me saying to a partner who just asked to be spanked "oh you want 10 slaps? You'll have to take 20 otherwise we dont play"
That is ABUSE you freak. Pushing a sub beyond its comfort zone is a dangerous and sick thing to do. Doing so with emotional blackmail is abusive and makes you a horrible person.
A couple of things 2 make clear. Some people have mentioned this play saving/enhancing their "marriage". It might FEEL like that to folks who have a good wedded life, but let's keep it straight. It can improve your sexual life and activity if you're already in a good married r'ship.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a problem with him cheating or think he is or would (even tbough he isn't), or if your marriage is on the rocks at all, do NOT go thinking chsstity is going to "save" your marriage, okay? That ain't what this is for. If you have any of those problems in your marriage, get counseling, not a device.
I just started wearing a chastity device CB-6000 for a couple of weeks and my wife is starting to warmup to the idea. I wear mine to control my masturbating and explained that is the main reason. I would like her to take on full control and call the shots of time and release. I ask for release and she will always allow me. Does any body have suggestions how to have her take full control? I really would like to take the next step.
ReplyDeleteMy wife has started doing this to me. she loves wearing a low cut work blouse with a business skirt on that shows just enough to get me worked up. It's really difficult given that she's had me locked up now for almost 2 months. In public she makes me take her arm so everyone can see that "I'm hers" as she puts it. But the most difficult times for me are the times we have at home when we are off work at the same time in the evening. She love cuddling a lot so she will usually offer me her arm and lead me to the couch where we will spend the next few hours watching whatever chick flick she wants. She always picks these moments to whisper sweet things in my ear while teasing me constantly. She will make me sing a romantic song for her or read her romantic poetry while she's teasing. She told me that she loves to hear me tell her that I promise to be her very good boy forever. I can feel the goosebumps rise on her arm after I say this. This leads to other things that happen (while I remain locked up for her). Afterwards we will cuddle in bed while I tell her how much I love her. She will usually tease me some more until I start crying from so much pent up frustration. I'm so embarrassed to admit it. She will usually cuddle me in her breast and comfort me sweetly telling me I'll be her good boy forever. I hope when she says this she isn't planning to keep me chaste with no relief forever. Whatever she decides, I'm devoted and in love with her. I'm hers and she knows what's best. I will always stay under her arm right where she wants me. I've finally learned to let go. It's better that way.
ReplyDeleteEither you are enjoying playing this game, in which case you should not whine or cry, OR you would rather be unlocked and is just putting up with the frustration because she wants you to, in which case she is an abusive monster that you should dump on sight. Why do people stay in toxic abusive relationships like this?
DeleteAnon32, you commented many stories there, and you are right pointing dangerous abusing things (like enforcing chastity,doubling chastity time with emotional blackmail and the guy permanently denied against his will), but for the others, the thing you didn't get is that men WANT to lose the control. They WANT their spouse to be ABUSIVE because it actually turns them on.
ReplyDeleteChastity, as any other kink, must me safe, sane and CONSENSUAL. If the guy is ok with abuse, then abusing is not being a heartless bitch. On the contrary, it's lovingly fulfilling his fantasy. The things here are perfectly sane, since the guy asked it or agreed to. Keep in mind that if it was not CONSENSUAL, the man could stop it anytime he is unlocked, or just say seriously to his spouse that he is not anymore in this kink. In a sane couple this will stop the game. But I bet in a sane couple, the guy will never do that, because he loves the game and totally consent to it.
To summarize, if chastity, even with abusive component, is done in a CONSENSUAL way, there is nothing wrong. But if it's not, and it involves physical or psychical enforcement or non consensual blackmailing for instance, it's not healthy at all.
Again, communication is the key. You should always be very clear about what you feel and what you expect. This is the most important requirement to any kink.
If you can't understand that, what could you think about BDSM, where the abuse and limits are pushed way beyond... Mental illness?
So take it easy, don't judge others without knowing the whole story, don't call them toxic abusive bitches at first sight. Don't forget many men are commenting here. And that this fantasy comes from the men 9 times out of 10.
This post inspired my wife and I to start practicing male chastity about 4 years ago. We both love it. It has made us come much closer together and helped us through some difficult times. If the original poster still slips by, I want to say: thank you so much!! I would also love to read an update. How are you doing? Are you still practicing chastity?
ReplyDeleteAll the best!