Feelin' Sexy Friday -- New Years Eve Dress

New Year's Eve is the perfect opportunity to wear a fancy dress. I find I don't have very many opportunities to dress up, so when one comes around I try to snag it. Dressing up makes me feel different. It makes me feel special. But most importantly, it makes me feel sexy. Throw on some high heels and a shiny necklace tonight and rock that dress. You'll feel sexy for sure!

After your night out on the town, be sure to put that new found sex to good use. Go make some noise in the bedroom and start 2011 off with a bang.

Happy New Year Lovers!


Waiting For Sex Until Marriage

From a reader:

I stumbled upon your blog today, by total accident and I found it to be really intriguing, to say the least I am no your target audience. Here is a little back ground: I am a sex-positive woman who was never raised with the expectation of chastity from my parents nor religion. My mom always told me I should wait till I felt the time was right for me; that sex is more about love than marriage (and she waited). Even with no parental nor religious expectation of abstinence only until marriage, a rather secular and liberal upbringing I still suffered from really severe sexual dysfunctions. I was diagnosed with the triple threat of vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis, and vaginismus. I figured out that something was amiss during sexual experiences that I had in my late teens and early 20s (which were all in the confines of monogamous relationships that lasted anywhere from 3 to 6 mo

nths) not really going the way I thought they should. I finally went to see a nurse at my university's health center and we went over my symptoms, with a quickly and excruciating examination, she diagnosed me.

I struggled enough in a rather awful relationship, within it I was diagnosed, being berated for being unable to have intercourse. Probably the lowest blows were when he told that no one would ever love me because I couldn't have sex with them and that he had a hard time loving me because of it. Luckily, I found my way out of that awful relationship. I found myself with a new guy, who was just coming out of a 5 year long monogamous relationship where sex was a constan

t, but he was ready and willing to (in my eyes) settle for me and my broken vagina. And would you believe it, almost all my problems vanished and we were able to reach a full level of intimacy just a few months into our relationship. It was a huge deal, of course, bu it really didn't feel like it. I don't know how to describe it. It just sort of happened. There was no planning, no candles, no music, no ceremony, no real romance, no fancy lingerie. But I wouldn't trade it for the world because it was perfect, and it was right for me.

Reading the letter of the woman with FSD really struck me, I cannot even fathom what it would have been like to find out, on my wedding night, that I was unable to have sex. I think that is what bothers me about the perpetuation of concept of the wedding night being a person, particularly a woman's, first time. I feel like a wedding makes you not only exhausted but also pressured to go through with it. What if you're not ready on your wedding night? I feel like you're not given a choice to say 'no' because it is a cultural and religious expectation to consummate the marriage as soon as you find yourself alone in a room, with a bed, with your partner. I think the emphasis on virginity is damaging because it tells girls that all they have to offer their husbands is their purity; when she cannot fully 'give' herself to him she may feel she is useless. Not only that, sometimes a woman's virginity/purity is sometimes held against her in such severe ways she can be murdered or jailed for any suspicion impurity, but I am sure you know this.

I find it really hard to swallow when people just assume that if you're having sex outside of marriage that you're automatically promiscuous. I have no urge nor desire to sleep around; I honestly don't think I could bring myself to do so. I also don't like it when people belittle the intimacy I share with partner, which apparently, is only amazing and meaningful and beautiful if we have rings on our fingers.


Thank you very much for this well thought out email. I am happy to address your thoughts and concerns. While I cannot speak for all Christians and all old-fashioned girls, I would imagine that many of them share my view points.

First let me express sympathy for your difficulties with sexual dysfunction. It is a very difficult thing to deal with especially as a teenager/young adult. This can be a formative time in a woman's life and experiencing a crisis with your sexuality during this time is unfortunate.

You had commented, "Even with no parental nor religious expectation of abstinence until marriage, [and] a rather secular and liberal upbringing, I still suffered from really severe sexual dysfunctions."

It concerns me that you are indirectly attributing these very serious sexual dysfunctions, vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis, and vaginismus, to a religious, conservative upbringing. These are medical, not social, diagnoses. Possible causes of vulvodynia include, genetic predisposition to inflammation, allergy or other sensitivity (for example: oxalates in the urine), an autoimmune disorder similar to lupus erythematosus or to eczema or to lichen sclerosus, infection (e.g., yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, HPV), injury, and neuropathy--including an increased number of nerve endings in the vaginal area.

You had expressed that "sex is more about love than marriage," and with this I agree. I believe this statement to be very true. For a Christian (and many non-Christians) love is about commitment. I believe Jesus Christ loves me and you, and that he will continue to love me unfailing. Christ is the perfect example to me of love and I know that will never change or waiver. He is committed. This is the kind of love I am committing to my husband when I say "I do." Before I committed to giving my husband my body, we wanted to both commit to giving our heart and soul. Unfortunately, there is divorce and there is heartache. You experienced that heartache when your boyfriend left you because you were unable to have sex. The hope would be that a man and woman be so devoted after making a marital commitment that learning of sexual dysfunction after marriage, for him or her, would be an obstacle that could be lovingly worked through as a team.

You make an interesting point about the pressure a woman (or man) may feel on their wedding night. While most couples feel excitement and anticipation regarding their first sexual encounter, many feel nervousness, shyness, or even fear. I strongly encourage all couples, old-fashioned Christian couples or "secular liberal" couples alike, to discuss at length their feelings and expectations about sex and their first time. Premarital counseling is a great way to open dialog about these topics.

You wrote, "I think the emphasis on virginity is damaging because it tells girls that all they have to offer their husbands is their purity; when she cannot fully 'give' herself to him she may feel she is useless. Not only that, sometimes a woman's virginity/purity is sometimes held against her in such severe ways she can be murdered or jailed for any suspicion impurity, but I am sure you know this."

Fortunately, the emphasis on virginity applies to men as well. A Christian man is taught the principle of purity the same as a Christian woman. I know many, many men who believe and live this principle. It seems to me, your fears may be based upon pairing yourself up with a man who will let you down. If that is the case, find a new man. Of course, we all make mistakes. But luckily, most Christians believe in the concept of repentance. Both men and women can be forgiven of choices they've made in the past.

I am so grateful to live in a country where such severe consequences for expressing ones sexuality do not exist. However, women everywhere still seem to be the party to blame in instances of promiscuity. It is an unfortunate cultural response for women to be labeled and called names while men are congratulated and given a pat on the back. Unfortunately, for this, there is no quick fix.

You said, "I also don't like it when people belittle the intimacy I share with my partner, which apparently, is only amazing and meaningful and beautiful if we have rings on our fingers." My intent is never to belittle the beliefs of others that don't happen to align with mine. I'm confident sex outside of marriage can be amazing and meaningful and beautiful. But I also believe that intimacy is improved when a couple is willing to be more vulnerable with one another. A public, formal, legal commitment like marriage can instill greater confidence in the longevity and stability of the relationship, which enables the couple to be more vulnerable with one another.

There has been much research done for and against waiting to have sex until after marriage. But I hope some of these points could serve as a starting point to understanding why many of my readers and I have chosen to work towards a long-lasting, monogomous relationship that is formalized by the commitment of marriage.

Readers, your kind, well-intended thoughts are welcome.


Enjoy a Love Story by Lauren of Peace and Love:

Chapter I
"Hey! Hey, daisy girl!"
I wasn't positive why, but I turned around. Somehow, I knew he was talking to me.
"Why aren’t you wearing a flower in your hair today, daisy girl?"
And suddenly, although this had to be the oddest pick-up line ever heard on campus, I'm glad I turned. This tall, blonde hunk of man smiling down at me had apparently rushed to catch me once Psychology let out... to me he looked a little foolish, and a lot of fun. Taken by surprise, I curtly answered, "Um. I don’t know? Nothing matched?" and scurried away, to his confusion and to my regret.
Awesome, Lauren. You suck.
The next day of class, I wore a flower. Travis plopped in a seat next to mine, and declared that we needed to be in a study group. He got my number, and we began to “study”.

Chapter II
Trav quickly became the guy next door. He was always over, always fun, always incredible… but I always thought a He & Me would only be in my day dreams. My room-girls loved him, seriously. There was a lot of Travis-crushing going on in Apartment 218.
But then one day, we wrote a story together during class.

laurenOnce, while in a psychology class,
travThere was a teacher who would speak nothing but oodles of psycho-babble.
laurenIt was a pseudoscientific frenzy! Lauren & Travis could only do one thing…
travNot listen to him, instead they would make small moments together which would one day lead to…
laurenA magical fairy appearing! She turned them into the prince and princess of Bulgaria, where they lived in a castle and everyone in the kingdom spoke in wonderful accents.
travThe fairy said, “You may only be a prince and princess of Bulgaria under one condition, you must always be touchy-feely, and if you are not you will never be…”
laurenHappy! And will lose the ability to think with an open mind. This touchy-feely business is perfectly wonderful for Travis, who is known far and wide as the most flirty prince in the land.
travBut little did anybody know that Prince Travis never wanted to be known as the flirt of the land. And littler did they know that his heart was set upon the prettiest wild flower he had ever seen, and hoped and prayed that this wild flower would one day see him for who he is…
laurenPrincess Lauren then wondered if this wild flower was a Daisy?
travAnd as the Prince sat and thought of something poetic to say the only word that came to his mind to answer the question was “yes,” and boy does he like this Daisy. But wonders about her thoughts about him…
laurenWell, the Daisy can’t help but smile… =)
travAnd in the end the pretty Daisy Girl came to her understanding that the Prince and her were meant to cross paths and spend a moment in time with each other to make each other smile, laugh, to hold hands and even steal a kiss every once in a while. And they did this for the X amount of time they have with each other. And life was good…
laurenSonic Good.
Travis & Lauren
laurenP.S. You surprise me!
travP.P.S. I always will…
laurenP.P.P.S. Let’s have an awfully big adventure? =)
travP.P.P.P.S. As long as we’re with each other… we will.

little did I know, he loved me all along.

He asked me to be his girlfriend the next day, & already i was overwhelmed with how charming he was. After lots of nervous smiles and giggles from me, he asked, "Man... doesn't this just feel right?"

And you know what? It did.
It felt so right.

Chapter III:
On the day of our wedding, Trav & I sat hand in hand, alone. Waiting nervously for the ceremony to start, I was looking at the miniature disco ball on my left finger & feeling the warmth of my soon-to-be husband by my side… I was overwhelmed with the purest joy. Here we were, a princess & her prince about to be joined, forever. We were so happy.
Four months later, we are still as happy as can be. I wonder if this newlywed phase will ever wear off?


Ask the Audience #4: Sex After Baby

From a reader:

My husband and I have been married for 4 years in March. Sex was pretty good at first. At least, I was comfortable with it emotionally/mentally. Although it was pretty painful for a month or 2 (we were both virgins), the pain went away and we had sex 3-4 times a week. I don't experience orgasm easy but we've figured out how to make that happen too. After we'd been married almost 2 years, I got pregnant. I had zero sex drive throughout the whole pregnancy and even now that our baby is 15 months old, I still don't have one. At least, I don't think I do? I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of it but I feel like its all in my head because I have sex dreams that make me horny or thoughts of wanting to dress up for my husband or buy a new toy, but then when I think about coming to the actual sex part, I get uncomfortable. I even avoid kissing my husband because of what it might lead to. For awhile after having my daughter I thought maybe my hormones just needed to get back to normal, but, now its been over a year and its still the same. I feel like now, I finally get more of a sex drive when I'm ovulating and we have sex a couple times then but once that time of the month is over, I have no desire again. So, I guess what I can't figure out is if this is a low libido that needs to be treated with a supplement or something... or if its emotional for some reason because I feel like I am in the mood but I can't get comfortable with the idea mentally?? I really want to get this figured out! Please help! :(


Babies are wonderful, fabulous, and rewarding additions to marriage. They bring warm cuddles, heart-melting coos, and change. Lots and lots of change. The dynamics of every marriage change, to some extent, after baby. Your hormones are all over the place and your self identity is confused. You are now someones mom. Life becomes a balancing act between your role as parents and your role as lovers. Unfortunately, the baby doesn't understand that you play two roles.

The problems you have listed (zero sex drive, uncomfortable with the idea of sex, avoiding sex and even avoiding kissing) are all very common issues after having a baby. You have been through a positive experience, but it's also been extremely traumatizing. Since a woman's vagina is used for intimacy as well as childbirth, many women relate sex with the pain of childbirth and the recovery period thereafter. Women often become confused. Breasts, that were once used in intimacy, are now used for sometimes painful breast feeding. How does a woman switch from
"my body is a nurturing tool used to create and provide life" to "I am a sexy, hot woman who wants to feel and offer pleasure?" Confusing.

So, what's to be done? Recognizing the problem is a great start, but we need to fix it. First, give yourself time to heal. You're allowed that. Next, I would suggest either determining for yourself or sitting down with your husband and saying something like, "You've probably noticed that our sex life hasn't been as rockin' hot as it used to be before the baby was born. But don't worry... I have a plan! I am going to initiate sex or some kind of sexual encounter everyday for as long as it takes until we are rolling around in the sheets more enthusiastically than we were on our honeymoon."

Lofty goal? Maybe. But it's effective. This goal puts the control back in your hands. Since you will be the one initiating sex, there will be no need to be afraid of him hitting on you. You will be choosing to kiss him. In your life right now, you have no control of your sleep schedule, your child, or your milk. But your sex life? You have control of that! With a new baby in the mix, you need to be bonded to your man now more than ever. Take charge and change your attitude. If you change your mindset, your body will follow.

Committing to initiate sex everyday is a great goal whether you are a new parent or not. Will you give it a try? It will change your life, I promise.

Do you have any suggestions for this new mom? What has worked for you?


I've Been Nominated!

Thank you so so much to all of you who nominated Gwen in Love for one of the Best Marriage Blogs 2010, I'm a finalist!!

What a fabulous Christmas gift you have all given me! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have until Tuesday, December 14 to cast your final vote for Gwen in Love to be a winner. It'll just take a minute and I would so dearly appreciate it :)

Much love my darlings!


P.S. Vote here!

Romantic Marriages Christmas Kits

The Christmas season is always so crazy for me. It seems my husband often loses his spot as my first priority. I've been trying to change this and focus on him this Christmas. I'm excited to show you what I've found: an adorable kit from Romantic Marriages.

RomanticMarriages.com offers an all-inclusive “Merry Christmas Deer” romance kit. This kit makes it so easy to have a little holiday fun and frolic with your husband.

The kit begins with a “good boy” letter for your man that says… “The elves reported you’ve been a good boy by being my man through the year, so Santa decided you’ll get what YOU want. Delivery will be by his deer!”

You then visit him on the nights leading up to Christmas as Santa’s slightly naughty deer. Each deer delivers her own gift that makes a very unique memory. (All gifts are included in the kit with the exception of a gift certificate to his favorite restaurant. The kit’s gifts are all relationship enhancement products, they do not contain intimacy products.) The kit is great at creating genuine anticipation as your man wonders which of Santa’s deer are visiting next? With the arrival of the first deer, “Flasher” (Dasher’s naughty twin) your holiday fun will begin!

They also offer the cutest “Naughty But Nice” digital kit. It has 6 printables and loads of ideas matching ideas so you can get on your man’s Naughty list this Christmas.

Cute idea, right? Do you have any romantic Christmas gift ideas?


Hitachi Magic Wand Attachment -- Gee Whiz

A few weeks ago I did a post about the fabulous Hitachi Magic Wand. I have received several emails asking about the attachments. So, I put on my Sherlock hat and did some investigating. Here's what I've found:

The attachment is called the Gee Whiz and that is exactly what you say when you have finished using it. The Gee Whiz easily attaches to the head of the Magic Wand and is designed for penetration (the magic wand, itself, is not.) The power of the Magic Wand and the contours and flexibility of the Gee Whiz create a perfectly awesome experience. The Gee Whiz is a must if you are a Magic Wand owner. This is an extremely powerful toy and one of babeland.com's bestsellers. You can buy the Gee Whiz alone here or save $19.55 and purchase the two as a pair here.

Couples love this set like Seattlites love coffee. Have you heard good things about the Hitachi Magic Wand or Gee Whiz?


Feelin' Sexy Friday -- Kissing Under the Mistletoe

This holiday season, hang mistletoe to feel sexy! Kissing under the mistletoe is a great way to incorporate kissing into a busy holiday season. However, your husband doesn't even need to be around for the mistletoe to be effective. Just use it as a reminder to think a sexy thought or send a sexy text message to your man. The mistletoe can be a symbol of your love and commitment to each other during the holidays!



A Holiday Gift Guide For Lovers

If you're in love and you exchange Christmas gifts, then this guide's for you! (Did I sound like a car salesman because that's what I was going for :) But seriously, I've received loads of emails looking for lovey dovey gift-giving ideas. Hopefully you'll find some of these to be useful.


If your man has a sweet tooth, these chocolates from zChocolat.com are the best of the best. They are not only a Forbes Magazine favorite, they're mine too!

Je t'aime

If the Chocolate doesn't satisfy his sweet tooth, this surely will. Believe me when I tell you that any man would be through the chimney excited to find a pair of panties in his stocking. Or better yet, tell him what a good boy he's been this year and reward him with a visit from Candy Cane (Just so we're not mistaken, you would be Candy, no need to flip through the yellow pages.) You'll find a great list of elvish attire here.

I absolutely adore this Love Birds print by Fancy Prints.

And how could you fail with getting him An Orgasm in a Box? The name alone says awesome gift. You can read the details here.

I hope this gave you some good ideas! How do you celebrate your love with gifts?


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