Sex Stopper -- Stress

On our recent survey, many women commented that stress is contributing to a decreased sex drive. Stress is bound to happen at times, but how you handle it can make life seem doable or extremely difficult. Stress or anxiety is just activation of our body. A certain level of activation is helpful and can help move us forward in life while a low amount can keep us stagnant. Choose to use your stress for good and reduce it where you can.

1. Have a good social support network. Reach out to other's. Have some good friends that you can just talk to about life. Husbands don't always want to hear about the little happenings of your day, but your girlfriend most likely does. The caveat is to make sure you're keeping things between you and your husband that should stay private. Spend quality time with friends. Just having girl time is so therapeutic!
2. Make time for peace, quiet and relaxation. You will make time for what you believe is most important. I'm telling you now that relaxation and personal time is mandatory. Set time aside every day- even if it's just 5 minutes- to do something you love.
3. Take care of your body. Get as much sleep as possible, eat healthy and exercise regularly. Your mind functions so much better when your body is taken care of.
4. Don't stress over the small things. Try to check yourself on whether or not you are looking at long-term or short-term outcomes. It doesn't really matter in the long run how "perfect" you look when you go to work today- especially if it means you can get some much needed sleep. What's more important to worry about?
5. Do something that relaxes your body and mind regularly. Sex, of course, is naturally great for doing this. But it's great to have something you can do on your own that is quiet and restorative. Try out meditation, guided imagery or yoga. If nothing else, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself.
6. Prioritize and learn when to say no. You don't need to accomplish everything. You don't need to be wonder woman. It's okay to say no. Sometimes, it's even best that you ask for help from other people.
7. Slow down. Appreciate the little things in life. Don't pack your schedule full of tasks so you're working non-step when you're not sleeping.
8. Visit a local biofeedback lab to learn about how your body reacts to stress and practice methods to reduce stress.
9. Visit a local therapist if there are unresolved issues that are troubling you and you don't have the strength or ability to work through it on your own. Don't believe you can do everything on your own.
10. Don't judge yourself or talk to yourself negatively. You are a great person. You can do hard things. You are amazing at everything you do. God believes in you. Don't let anyone (including yourself) put you down.

What helps relieve your stress?

Causes of Low Libido

It's perfectly normal to have a high desire and a lower desire partner. Problems may arise in a couple when they don't work with these differences in a respectful manner. Just like other parts of your relationship, there are times when you do things even if you're not really wanting to. Learn to like having sex because it's something that your partner wants and you can fulfill this desire for them even if you're not in the mood initially (and chances are that with sex you'll be in the mood very shortly after starting). It's possible to enjoy sex every time! Sure, it might not be mind-blowing every time, but you can still enjoy it.

Aside from general differences, there are common factors that research has found to be correlated with a decreased libido. A slide show from MedicineNet shows some common sex drive killers.

What issues do you believe affect your sex drive?
	Stress
	Unresolved Issues with Partner
	Alcohol
	Too Little Sleep
	Parenting Chaos
	Medication
	Poor Body Image
	Obesity
	Erectile Dysfunction
	Low Testosterone
	Depression
	Menopause
	Too Little Intimacy
pollcode.com free polls

You can anonymously leave comments with other possible contributors to your sex drive if it's not included in the poll.

It's Good

I just asked my husband for some input of what he thought you wanted to hear about and he just said

"Sex is good."

So, there you have it. The perspective of a really great man. Concise, simple and correct.

And your assignment- go enjoy some rockin' hot sex!

Costume Lingerie (and a sale!)

Hello ghosts and ghouls! I hope you had a fabulous and sexy Halloween! Last year I blogged about Halloween being a great opportunity to spice thing up in the bedroom. Costumes and specialized lingerie can be intimidating purchases, especially if they have a high price tag. Yandy is having a post Halloween sale with prices up to 80% off, a perfect time to try shaking things up if you ask me! Yandy offers discreet billing and shipping making it my favorite lingerie go-to.

It certainly does not have to be Halloween to play cops and robbers. This sexy little number, originally $53.95, is on sale for $37.77! I love a good deal.

How often do you change up your lingerie routine? Is it the price tag that prevents you from trying something new or embarrassment? Maybe it's just easier to get right down to naked?Have you talked to your husband about lingerie?

Benefits to Lingerie:

• Lingerie can make you feel sexy and help you to get "in the mood."
• Lingerie can help you feel more confident and comfortable. If you have a part of your body that you feel self conscious of, cover it up with a cute negligee!
• Taking the initiative in purchasing lingerie can show your husband that you are interested in and care about sex. It's a great way to show him you think about and enjoy your sex life!

What are some benefits of lingerie you've noticed in your marriage?

Focus on Your Strengths

Do you ever see another woman and think to yourself something along these lines- "Wow. She has such a great waistline! I wish I had that." or "Check out her breasts. They're so perky and round. The only way I can get that is with a certain bra and it still doesn't look like that."

Chances are that you have. But, let me tell you a little secret. I bet you that the girl you're admiring and thinking is gorgeous probably doesn't think she is. She's probably so caught up on some little hangup with her body and she neglects to focus on her great aspects that others are likely to see. And you know what, people probably look at whatever your greatest feature is and are jealous of you!

Instead of focusing only on your flaws when you look in the mirror, focus on the strengths. Have you noticed that in advertising pictures or in model shoots the photographer tends to focus on the individual's strengths? Maybe, she has a great butt or great teeth or amazing eyes or stunning hair. Whatever it is- that's what the photographer strives to draw attention to.

Focus on your strengths. If you have long legs wear some lingerie that accentuates this. If you have a great waist line, show it off. If you have large breasts, let them be the one that draws his eyes on to you. If you have great eyes, do your makeup in a way to draw them out even more.

Play off of your strengths. Show them off and have confidence! You can do this inside and outside of the bedroom.

Here's a little example of giving yourself positive affirmations:

Ask the Audience -- Fulfilling Fantasies

A bit of a conversation has started on a past post sparked by this reader's comment.

"My husband just shared his fantasy of having me lock up his manhood in a little cage. He says it's a common fantasy among guys but I've never heard of it. I asked him why he wants me to do this and he said he thought it would be sexy to let me be in control of his sexuality and decide when he was let out. To force a win I said, "Yeah? And what if I don't let you out for a week!?" He said, "That would be your decision... but a lot of women keep their men locked up for much longer than that."

Another reader responded:

"It started in the bdsm community but has broken out and is becoming a popular mainstream activity. I first heard about it on fmh of all places. A girl at my work practices it with her hubby. She wears a clasp on her necklaces that dangles a little silver key on the back of her neck. When I asked her what the key was for she said 'you don't wanna know.' I said I did and she told me it was the key to her hubby's chastity tube (exact words). I was blushing so much I almost tripped on myself getting out of there. I have to admit it made me curious."

I'd love to see the conversation continue if any of you have tried this or have a husband interested in trying this out.

It can be such a great experience to share fantasies with each other. It shows you can be vulnerable with each other. Listen to each other's fantasies and why they're interested if you don't quite understand and see if you can fulfill any of them. Even if you can't fulfill them, it's still a very connecting experience to share them with each other.

If you don't have anything to add to this particular conversation topic, maybe share a fantasy you have talked about or fulfilled with your spouse.