Faking Orgasms

Are you guilty? Why do you do it?

It's estimated that as many as two-thirds of women fake orgasms during their lifetime. Men fake orgasms, too.

Instead of faking next time, actually enjoy a good orgasm (or two or three or more!). Remember, that it's estimated that only 8% of women will never be able to achieve orgasm. So you will likely be able to figure it out.

Here's how you can:

1. Practice on your own
2. Mutual Masturbation
3. Practice Sensate Focus
4. Tell him what you like before, during or after

Check out this post for more ideas

Consummation

I have a few friends and acquaintances getting married this summer as I'm sure we all do. A lot of these couples haven't had sex during their courtship.

One scenario I've heard quite often with these girls is that she is unsure if she wants to have sex the first night or not. I've actually heard a few guys admit that they are a bit unsure about sex the first night, too. Most explain their anxiety saying it will be quite the jump from the activities they've been engaging in thus far and maybe they wouldn't be ready. They acknowledge the sexual tension and desire are there, but they're still unsure. They have so many questions and don't know how it will happen. It's completely new territory.

This is one common example of the Good Girl Syndrome that I've seen. I've also heard the phrase, "Sex is dirty and evil- save it for someone you love" to explain the conflicting messages some get about sex in relationships. How confusing! A moment passes, an official says a few words and suddenly you can consummate your marriage. It can be a really difficult transition for some.

What advice would you share with these newlyweds?

Will it just come naturally?

What did you do (or wish you would have done) to prepare for your wedding night?

What's in Your Bank Account?

John Gottman often talks about the Emotional Bank Account within a relationship.

Every time a good or positive interaction takes place, a deposit is made.

Each time a negative interaction occurs, a withdrawal occurs.

Gottman found that strong, stable couples often had 5 Positive to every 1 Negative interaction that occurred within their relationship. They are positive 5 times more than they are negative!

It's okay to make suggestions about what your partner could change, be late for a date or have a bad day. Nobody is perfect, but you need to make sure that these withdrawals aren't over- drafting your account.

What's in your bank account?

What are some of the big deposits that your spouse does for you?

Check out The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last for more information.

Erectile Dysfunction

It is estimated that about 90% of men will experience some kind of erectile problem at some point in their lives. In most cases, the problem is short-lived and is quickly resolved.

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the inability to maintain an erection during sexual activity at least 25% of the time. The majority of ED causes are psychological, but physical and other issues may contribute. A common cycle that occurs in men that struggle with ED is that an erection is difficult to achieve during one encounter, then he worries about it and may worry about it during other encounters inhibiting erection or avoid sexual encounters. Worrying about it makes it more difficult. Sometimes, ED may act as a precursor to future cardiovascular disease.

Common treatments include maintaining a healthier lifestyle- eating well, exercising regularly, quitting smoking, treating cardiovascular issues and having relational support. Having a supportive partner can make all of the difference.

A Woman's Guide to ED

Diagnosis & Tests

7 Myths of ED

Couple Sleep Positions

What's your couple sleep position?

We usually start in the Sweetheart's Cradle until he falls asleep, then I roll over to my side of the bed. He likes to be close and I like to breathe my own air to sleep. We're usually doing the Leg Hug by morning.

Some researchers came up with fun explanations for each position. You can read about them here.

Comfort Sex

There was recently an article about comfort sex.Most women don't orgasm the first few times and the number one sexual dysfunction for men is premature ejaculation so flings may not be as potentially enjoyable as a monogomous relationship. The author talks about how when you're in a long-term relationship, it's easier to relax. A long-term relationship provides the comfort needed to fully release control, get to know your partner and develop a sexual script. There's joy in knowing how things are going to happen and knowing you don't always have to put on a show. There's comfort in knowing you'll love each other no matter what.

Some people while having sex or trying something new start to engage in spectatoring- worrying about what they're doing while they're doing it. This makes sex much less enjoyable and can even contribute to some sexual dysfunction.

The best comfort sex allows you to just relax and enjoy the full benefits.