Guest Blogger -- Learning Curve

I have been receiving several emails from women interested in guest posting. I would love to have more input and different points of view on the blog. That is how we learn. I encourage you to gather knowledge and then decide what is best for you and your husband. If you would like to be a guest blogger, please email me at gwenisinlove {at} gmail.com.

I hope you learn something new from our first anonymous guest poster!

Hello, Gwen in Love readers! I saw a lot of comments on Gwen in Love from other women who were frustrated because they have a hard time climaxing, or because they could only climax if they had no distractions and were in the perfect position. I sent Gwen an email offering to do a guest post to share some ideas.

I'm confident that a reliable way to learn to orgasm more easily and in different positions is to practice. Just like anything else, it takes time, effort, and practice to improve our orgasmic potential! I often comment on another marriage forum where many women discuss their orgasm struggles. Many of them recommended a book called I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide. Great book.

Here's an excerpt. But first... understand that this book, while very educational, wasn't written with a Christian audience in mind. If you have a problem practicing alone, all these "exercises" can be done with your husband.

"Sometimes we hear from women who feel limited by their own masturbation technique. For instance, perhaps a woman first orgasmed by lying in bed on her belly, squeezing her thigh muscles tight and pressing against her mattress. That technique may have worked fine when she was eleven, but as an adult she might find it limits her ability to have orgasms from other kinds of stimulation. If she wants to be able to come from oral sex, or have an orgasm by rubbing her clit while she`s having intercourse, the lying-on-your belly-thigh squeezing technique may present some challenges."

"Good news: It’s often possible for women to learn to and have orgasms in new ways. The process can be a little frustrating, because you basically have to teach your body that it can respond from other kinds of stimulation-even when you know full well you could get off fast and easily your old way."

* *

"To make this kind of change, start masturbating using your old technique. When you get pretty aroused, switch to a new technique that will allow you more orgasmic versatility. Stick with it even though it will take longer and may not feel as arousing right away—this may require some persistence. You'll probably need to experiment a bit to figure out what feels best and how to make this new technique work for you, much like a woman who's learning to have an orgasm for the first time. (Your advantage is that you're starting with the confidence that comes with knowing your body is capable of having orgasms.) Make sure you orgasm using the new technique. If you're having trouble staying sufficiently aroused, switch back briefly to your old technique to boost your arousal, but then bring yourself to orgasm the new way. Keep practicing even though it'll take more time and might not feel like as much fun. Remember how many years you practiced your old technique!"

*Magic of Ten Game*

Want to have stronger orgasms, and be able to come in a wider variety of positions and situations? Here's a fun game a woman can play all by herself that can help:

1. Wait until you have some private time.

2. Masturbate in your most common, reliable way. Get yourself almost to the brink of orgasm, but stop before you reach "the point of no return" —do not allow yourself to fall over that orgasmic edge. Count, "one."

3. Change to a new position. If you were lying on your back, try kneeling on your bed, or sitting up with your back against the wall. Start masturbating again. You will have lost some of your arousal, but not all. Get yourself almost to the brink of orgasm again. It'll be a little more challenging this time, because you're not accustomed to doing so in this position. Again, stop before you reach "the point of no return"—no orgasm allowed yet. That's "two."

4. Change to a new position. You might lie on your side, or crouch doggie style, resting on your knees and one forearm, using your head for support. You might try it with your legs closer together or farther apart than is your usual preference. Again, masturbate yourself almost to orgasm, but stop just before you get there. "Three."

5. Get yourself to that brink of orgasm ten times. You may find it helps to rest for a minute or two in between positions, to allow your level of arousal to fall back a bit before nudging it up again. On the tenth time, you're allowed to go for it—finally!

6. Enjoy an orgasm that will probably be particularly satisfying because of all that teasing. Longer buildups tend to result in bigger orgasms. Plus, realizing your body has the potential to come in so many different positions can be liberating.

For advanced players: Instead of just modifying your physical position, experiment with changing the type of stimulation each time. Try one finger instead of two, vertical strokes instead of horizontal, tapping instead of rubbing. Vary your typical speed or rhythm. Masturbate with various kinds of penetration, both fingers and other phallic objects, Warning: This is a lot harder, and some kinds of stimulation may not work for your body. That's okay—you can also alternate between your reliable way of touching your-self and new approaches. Make up the rules as you go. The best part of this game is that you discover a little more about how your body responds each time you play. There's no way to lose at a game that ends in orgasm!


  1. WOW! Great article. I am one of those who has just a few positions that work for me. This is exciting and I look forward to trying it out!

  2. Yeah I really like the suggestions. Great advice! It will be a fun learning experience :)

  3. Two questions, for Gwen, the original poster or whoever....

    My problems started after I gave birth. I've been trying to practice to get back in the rhythm and practice of the whole thing. But it's been a struggle.

    I've only orgasmed a few times while on my own, never with my husband, which has been very frustrating.

    What if I have problems stopping? Anytime the movement stops for any length of time, my drive doesn't just start to drop, it vanishes completely.

    The second question, doesn't masturbating still supply the same stimulation, even if in different positions. Just wondering because my problem seems to come from the different stimulation.

  4. Oh my oh my! What a fabulously great post! I was the girl that could only orgasm while lying on my stomach! That doesn't make for a very spontaneous movie theater quickie when I've gotta drop to the floor to make the magic happen. Too sticky...

  5. like Home Mommy I have always been the "on my belly" type. I had unexpected alone time yesterday and followed your first set of instructions. It worked beautifully. Thanks!

    To Anon on 1/16 Try the book "For Yourself" It is a primer on masturbation for women. Good Luck

  6. Gwen, we miss your posts! Do you have any reaction to this blog post from the Mormon Therapist? My good friend sent it to me last week and I've been thinking about it since. To tell you the truth I just hadn't thought about the topic much but after more thought I think I agree with the author's position. My friend and I would love to hear your thoughts in a post.

  7. Oops! I forgot to post the link in my last comment :-)




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