Understanding Your Body

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Feelin' Sexy Friday-- Growing Up Female

For the next few weeks Feelin' Sexy Friday will be encouraging personal thought and reflection regarding your sexual identity. Whether you are Mormon or Muslim, Baptist or Buddhist, we are all shaped and formed by the influences around us. Understanding these influences can help us to embrace who we are and to feel sexy. I will be sharing some questionnaires from The Hite Report, which I blogged about here, that will hopefully open a dialogue between you and your honey.

Image courtesy of Kupberg Photography

This portion of the questionnaire is taken from pages 497-499 of The Hite Report.

GROWING UP FEMALE

1. Growing up, were you close to your parents? Your mother? Father? What did you like most and least about them? Did you parents love you? In what way? What did you think of them?

2. What was your relationship with your mother like? Were you close? What is/was she like? What do you think of her? Do/did you like to spend time with her? Were you physically close growing up? Was she affectionate?

3. Were you close to your father? In what way? Was he affectionate? Did he talk to you? Do/did you like him? Fear him? Respect him?

4. What did you learn from your father was the proper attitude toward your mother? What did you learn from your mother was the proper attitude toward your father? Were they affectionate in front of you?631 The Hite Report

5. Were there ways in which your mother showed you how to be “feminine” – how to act like a girl or a “lady”? Did you and your mother do things your brothers (if any) were not expected (or invited) to do?

6. Were you ever a tomboy? What was it like?

7. Do you remember being warned against becoming a “tomboy,” or doing too many “boyish” activities, not acting “ladylike” enough? Can you remember any specific incident?

8. Did your father tell you to be a “good girl”? Your mother? What did they mean?

9. What kinds of things/behavior did your father give you approval for? Your mother?

10. Did you have a pet as a child?

11. Was there great pressure to conform be like the other girls– in grade school or high school? To dress like the other girls? Be popular?

12. Were you ever refused admission to a club or sorority you wanted to join? How did you feel about it? Did you like high school? What did you like and dislike about it?

13. Did you masturbate as a child? How old were you? Did your parents know?

14. Did your parents discuss menstruation with you? Your mother? Your father? Were you prepared for it when it started?

15. Was there an age at which you began to want to, or to feel pressured to, date boys? How old were you? How did you feel about this?

16. What was your mother’s attitude when you. Started dating? Your father’s? How did you feel? Did you discuss with your parents what happened when you went out on dates?

17. When was the first time you said, “I love you”? Held hands with someone? Kissed? Made out?

18. What was this early relationship like? Did it last long? Was it close or distant? Was it pleasurable or not? Did you tell your friends about it? How did it end?

19. Was it difficult leaving home? Declaring your independence?

20. Were you happiest as a child, a teenager, or are you happiest now?

Did these questions help you discover yourself? Or maybe clarify your actions and thoughts? Did you have an aha moment?

Questions? She's Got Answers

Do you remember in 5th grade when the school nurse showed up in your gender-divided classroom to offer the most embarrassing lecture of your life? Brutal. "This is a safe place where you can ask questions," she'd say. Ha! Yeah right! My lips were sealed.

So we waited until the questions burned enough to ask our girlfriends. But what did they know? My best friend, you know who you are, (*ahem, Annie*) thought that sex was french kissing. She called me sobbing after her first kiss because she thought she might be pregnant.

Well my darlings, let me introduce you to the "school nurse" of adulthood. Shere Hite. Shere Hite is the author of The Hite Report: A National Study of Female Sexuality.

Hite builds upon biological studies of sex by Masters and Johnson and by Alfred Kinsey. Masters and Johnson pioneered research into the nature of the human sexual response and the diagnosis and treatment of sexual disorders and dysfunctions.

Questions answered at long last.

“I need to talk with other women about sex but it is so

impossible. I am embarrassed about my not having orgasms

and wonder whether my friends share this problem.... I can’t

expose thatmuch of myself in the face of such judgments and

can’t stand the pity.”

Don't worry anonymous commenter on page 205 from The Hite Report, there are answers to be had.

Was that an orgasm? Do I look funny? How do I increase my libido?

I will refer to the Hite Report more in future posts so, unless your burning questions can't wait to be answered, you don't have to buy the book :)

Are there any subjects you'd like to know more about? Don't be shy. Leave an anonymous comment!