It's perfectly normal to have a high desire and a lower desire partner. Problems may arise in a couple when they don't work with these differences in a respectful manner. Just like other parts of your relationship, there are times when you do things even if you're not really wanting to. Learn to like having sex because it's something that your partner wants and you can fulfill this desire for them even if you're not in the mood initially (and chances are that with sex you'll be in the mood very shortly after starting). It's possible to enjoy sex every time! Sure, it might not be mind-blowing every time, but you can still enjoy it.
Aside from general differences, there are common factors that research has found to be correlated with a decreased libido. A slide show from MedicineNet shows some common sex drive killers.
The main problem with my husbands sex drive is too much masturbation (and pron). I don't have much interest in sex during portions of the month. I often feel bad denying my husband so I encourage him to masturbate during these times. The problem comes when I'm finally in the mood but he has nothing left for me because he wasted it all on a week of regular masturbation. I just wish he could show some self discipline and wait until I'm ready so we can get in sync.
ReplyDeleteHmmm can't you jerk your hubby off? When you guys are ready to have sex he'll be tinking about that. It will turn him on. That's crude. But someone had to say it.
ReplyDeleteFor me what turns me off is her personality. If she's sporting a bad attitude it's just not a turn on. It's a intimacy killer for me.
Too much masturbation? I've been there. It's a total libido killer. You should read the post a few posts back about Fulfilling Fantasies. There is a huge section there about the use of male chastiy devices in a loving relationship. It just might do the trick for you.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous 12:21
ReplyDeleteTalk to your spouse about your feelings. Encourage him to let you bring him to orgasm a few times a month when you're not feeling fully up to intercourse. Get some direction from him in what he enjoys. It'll boost your confidence and you will likely enjoy it more. You're both going to have to change a bit- you say yes more often and him not masturbate as often.
The husband and I "had" a great sexual relationship. But now being pregnant has really effected us both. I feel he doesnt disire me as much and I have no sex drive at all. I'm afraid this will continue even after baby is born.
ReplyDeleteHelp? Tips?
second on the pregnancy angle!!! please!!
ReplyDeleteGood post. It would be helpful to see a poll with what things other women do to IMPROVE sex drive too. I recently heard a podcast and the presenter who was a female sex therapist recommended reading "Private Thoughts" by Wendy Maltz. It's been really good so far.
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