DIY Makeup Remover

Coconut Oil!

Yes, this stuff!

I've found this works really great for removing even waterproof mascara. Be careful not to get it in your eyes. Supposedly, it helps your lashes grow longer and thicker as well.

DIY Shave Gel

Use conditioner when you shave instead of shave gel . 

If you have really sensitive skin like me, this will leave you with a silky smooth shave and little or no razor burn. This also works really well for the hair down there and will leave less bumps and burn, too, because of the added moisturizer in conditioner.

I love it because I can buy the cheap 70 cent conditioner and it lasts a while and I'm finding it's way more effective and much better on my skin than the $4 shave gel, anyway.

Swimsuit season is here so give it a try and let me know what you think!

Valentine's Day: A Guide to Lingerie

Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to get a new outfit for the bedroom- especially if you haven't added to your collection in a while or are just needing to start.

If you're skeptical about lingerie, here are some great reasons to try it out:

• It can help get you in the mood
• It helps increase the anticipation
• It helps increase desire
• You can feel sexy
• It adds a little variety
• It will get him more excited
• You can feel beautiful
• You can feel "dressed up"

If you're thinking, but I'm not one of those tiny girls with huge boobs that should wear lingerie, then get that thought out of your head. Those girls are very few and far between. Your husband married YOU. Your husband is attracted to YOU. YOU need to show that you love and appreciate your body how it is. YOU need to take control and give yourself some positive messages about how you look. Embrace the Muffin Top (we all have)!  Plus size women still look sexy and can order lingerie. Be daring and try some out!

I've been ordering most of my lingerie through Yandy for a couple years now. I love them because it is good quality, inexpensive and usually take about 3 days for it to arrive at my house and their return policy is great if something doesn't work out.

If you're having a difficult time knowing where to start, here are some descriptions and links to help you out.

BUSTIER

$9.95
NOTE: Yandy usually includes the garters, underwear and stockings

• Intended to accentuate curves.
• May have a little extra help and support in the bust line
• Tend to push the breasts up and together to create cleavage
• Note: May take a bit of time to get adjusted and sized once you receive it
• Prices start at $7.95

CORSET

$23.95

• Intended to give a smooth line
• Cinch in the waistline to suck in the tummy
• Note: May take a bit of time to get adjusted and sized once you receive it

BABYDOLL

$35.95

• Flowing and feminine
• Open over stomach
• Some have supportive underwire, others don't
• I think these are great for when you're pregnant and your belly just needs space, but you still want to feel dressed up
• Prices start at $4.95 at Yandy

CHEMISE

$19.95

• No buttons, snaps, velcro or zippers. Easy on. Easy off.
• Looks like a very short dress or long shirt
• Can be fitted or loose at the waist
• Usually a delicate fabric
• Great if you're a bit self-conscious of your mid-section
• There are longer gowns too
• Prices start at $5.95

ROMPERS

$27.95

• Basically like a one-piece swim suit with a lot less fabric or coverage
• Great if you want to be a tease
• Take good care of it or else you'll be untangling it whenever you want to wear it
• Prices start at $13.95 at Yandy

DRESSES

$37.95

• Great for dressing up to go out
• Simple sexy

Bra & Panties

• Simple and easy
• Basic coverage
• Matching
• $20 Sets at Yandy

Bra Top Sets

• The top is a bra, the bottom could be a skirt or thong or boyshorts or fishnets etc.
• The bra isn't a supportive, every day bra
• Prices start at $5.95

Pasties

• Just covers a small area in the middle of your breast with adhesive

Teddys

• Usually a thin lace or silk fabric
• Generally cut in a shape hugging V-shape to minimally cover breasts and crotch

Costume Lingerie

• Great for variety or role playing or fantasy fulfilling etc.

Don't forget Robes and Shoes, too.

What's your favorite style of lingerie and why?

During the "Fourth" Trimester

You now know a bit about personal care, intimacy and sex positions during pregnancy (see here) But what about after the baby?

I don't know about you, but I didn't really hear much about how your body recovers and how a sex life can continue post-pregnancy.

First off, let's just talk logistics.

You have a newborn baby which likely means....

• You aren't getting very much sleep
• The sleep you do get is in short spurts
• You rarely have time to shower and take care of yourself
• Your breasts have now taken on a whole new purpose and are more sensitive than you ever thought they would be
• Your breasts will hurt. Breastfeeding is hard and takes a while to get used to.
• You will likely have a really heavy period that lasts 2-6 weeks
• Your crotch will be a mess. You may have torn or had an episiotomy.
• You will be terrified to squat on the pot and poop.
• Not only will you be terrified to use the restroom, you might be a wee bit scared to let anything in that general area as well
• You will still have pregnancy fat for a while. It took 9 months to put on and will probably take that long to get off.
• You will be on an emotional roller coaster. You thought pregnancy was bad? Just wait. You could end up being a constant fountain of tears.
• Birth control could be difficult to figure out after having a baby. There are a variety of options. Make sure you talk to your health care provider. And yes, you can become pregnant right after having a baby even if you're breastfeeding.
• Most health care providers suggest not having sex for 6 weeks after the birthing process
• You will be worried about your baby and find it difficult to have an entire conversation with your husband
• ..... and the list could go on and on.

Having a baby is just hard! It's hard emotionally, physically, mentally and relationally.

If you have any, some or most of the typical baby adjustments going on, it could be hard to even have time to think about sex or even some quiet romance between you and your husband.

Let me tell you this little secret... If you have a good relationship with your husband, parenting will be so much easier than if you don't. Nourish the relationship you have with your spouse. Get out on dates. Make time for each other. Don't neglect each other. Communicate. That is my best advice for sex during the fourth trimester. Make each other a priority. Don't make the baby the only focus of your life and push your husband to the back burner. He will help out more and having a baby will be more manageable as you remember to include him in your life.

Husbands have a tough role during the fourth trimester. They don't quite know what you're going through and are trying their best to adjust to fatherhood and continue being supportive of your role as a mother. Be kind to your spouse.

A few other tips I have for you...

• If your doctor strongly recommends you wait 6 weeks, wait 6 weeks. You don't want to risk a tear or infection. There are other ways to satisfy both you and him.
• Take it slow when you have sex again post-baby. Basically, it will be like it's your first time again. Relax. Use lube. It's common for there to be some dryness with all of the hormone changes. You may also notice you aren't as tight anymore. Do some kegels. Take control of your encounter. If you had a c-section, your abs will likely hurt a lot so just take it slow. You don't want to hurt yourself.
• You will be interrupted by a crying baby. It's just a matter of when. Men tend to react physically more to this than women at times. I heard some people that called their baby crying the "penis alarm" because they would inevitably be interrupted and the man would lose his erection. It just happens. Laugh it off and resume later.
• Visit a lactation specialist to get help breastfeeding. It should only hurt for a few weeks. If it's still hurting, just go get some feedback. Breastfeeding also helps you burn the baby fat faster than working out and helps your uterus shrink back. Once you get breastfeeding down, it will be easier for you to realize that breasts can be for fun and function. Lanolin works wonders.
• Shower, get dressed and take good care of yourself. You will be more in the mood when you are well taken care of. Find some lingerie that you feel good in. Lace does wonders for stretch marks...
• Don't get all caught up in your stretch marks, baggy skin, the fact you can't fit in your pre-pregnancy pants etc. You just birthed a baby! Your husband is likely thrilled that you carried that baby and happy to have the baby around. He doesn't care that your body is changed and neither should you.
• Track when the baby tends to sleep and plan a little bedroom retreat during a nap time. Your hormones will be a bit crazy and having sex usually tends to make you feel a bit better and like you can deal with life again or if you're highly anxious and having trouble sleeping, maybe it will make you sleepy.
• Accept other people's offers to help and watch the baby a bit- even if it's just for an hour nap for yourself or for a free meal. Don't feel like you have to do everything perfectly as a new mom. Nobody actually does everything on their Pinterest Board.

What helped get you through the fourth trimester?

What questions do you have about after delivery?

How to do a Sexy Lap Dance

Celebrate the holiday by making a few fireworks of your own and putting on a show for your man!

Lap dance tips:

• Use a chair that has a higher back and no arms
• Tell him he can't touch you while you are dancing. Make sure you tell him before hand because he will probably try at least a few times which could throw off your groove.
• Tell him that you might reposition him and that when you do it he should obey so it doesn't sow you down
• Have confidence and look him in the eye.
• If you can't look at his eyes, look at his forehead between his eyes
• Mix things up. Stand close to him or on the chair, then back away or walk around. Keep him guessing.

You can go here to subscribe and watch actual videos of the moves. Just go to Lessons and then Lap Dances. There are also instructional videos for pole dancing. Wow! Now, that's a workout!

Make your lap dance even better by getting a little special something to wear (Up to 80% off!). 

Remember to keep it fun and be confident!

Here are some moves to get you going:

Walk around drag: Walk around behind him and lightly drag your hand up his arm, around his neck, and back down his other arm.

Kiss Miss: Psych your guy out so he thinks you are going to kiss him. Kneel with your right knee between his legs and place your right arm around his neck. Place your left knee on his right thigh. Most of your weight will be on the chair. Use his neck for leverage and lean back and slowly come in, scooping forward as if to kiss him but glide right past his ear. Kiss or bite his ear or whisper something if you want to.

Leg show: place a foot between his knees. Slowly caress your leg with both hands starting up at the top of your thigh going all the way down to your foot.
Grind: Sit either with your back to him or your front to him. Maintain eye contact if your front is to him. Grind backwards and forwards or in circles while you’re sitting on his lap.

Stand up: Place right foot between his legs and stand up, placing your left foot on his right thigh. With your left hand jerk his head down, gyrate your hips, push his head back and step down.

The Melt: Sit with your weight on him and your cheeks touching. Slowly slide down his body, like you are melting to the floor. Keep your right foot on the ground and fold your left leg so you are kneeling on it. Then when you get to the ground you will be able to crawl away easier
Chest Press: Crawl up to him and place a hand on each thigh. Slowly press and drag your chest up his knees and lower thighs.

Zipper Shock: reach down and grab his jeans zipper between your teeth. Jerk your head back several times and try to lower his zipper some.


If any of you know of some other moves or of good instructional videos, send them my way or post in the comments!

Choosing the Right Underwear

The right underwear can make me feel like a million bucks. Nothing like being perky, shapely, feminine and sexy-right?! Plus, it's always a bonus when my bra actually matches my panties. Yandy has some great sets for a decent price.

Have you heard of How to Look Good Naked. I love perusing the videos and checking out tips to look and feel better.

Here's a clip about choosing the right underwear for your body type:

What's your favorite style to wear?

Do you have a favorite brand?

Make sure you check out the tips for choosing a bra that fits.

Fotoshop by Adobé

This is a great mock commercial emphasizing the unrealistic depictions in media of bodies and culture's warped perception of beauty.

"This commercial isn't real. Neither are society's standards of beauty."

 

What makes you beautiful?

Maybe, it's the stretch marks covering your abdomen that show you carried a precious child. Maybe, it's your dark sultry eyes that are always seeking adventure. Maybe, it's the scar on your chest where doctors repaired your heart that continues to beat....

Go ahead! Brag a bit!

You are beautiful.

Special Price: And They Were Not Ashamed

Laura Brotherson is doing a special on her book And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment as an end of year gift. You can currently get the ebook for $4.99. You can also get the hard copy for about $12.

This book is so great for every single stage of a relationship. It's tasteful and informative. I refer a lot of my clients to this book. It's written in such a way you can skip between chapters or read straight through. I especially love the chapter covering The Good Girl Syndrome. Amazon lets you preview a few pages. Check it out and add it to your bookshelf.

Have you read it? What was the best thing you got from this book?

Focus on Your Strengths

Do you ever see another woman and think to yourself something along these lines- "Wow. She has such a great waistline! I wish I had that." or "Check out her breasts. They're so perky and round. The only way I can get that is with a certain bra and it still doesn't look like that."

Chances are that you have. But, let me tell you a little secret. I bet you that the girl you're admiring and thinking is gorgeous probably doesn't think she is. She's probably so caught up on some little hangup with her body and she neglects to focus on her great aspects that others are likely to see. And you know what, people probably look at whatever your greatest feature is and are jealous of you!

Instead of focusing only on your flaws when you look in the mirror, focus on the strengths. Have you noticed that in advertising pictures or in model shoots the photographer tends to focus on the individual's strengths? Maybe, she has a great butt or great teeth or amazing eyes or stunning hair. Whatever it is- that's what the photographer strives to draw attention to.

Focus on your strengths. If you have long legs wear some lingerie that accentuates this. If you have a great waist line, show it off. If you have large breasts, let them be the one that draws his eyes on to you. If you have great eyes, do your makeup in a way to draw them out even more.

Play off of your strengths. Show them off and have confidence! You can do this inside and outside of the bedroom.

Here's a little example of giving yourself positive affirmations:

Challenging the Media on Body Image

As women, I'm sure we can all agree that having a positive body image is SO hard! It's hard to think we look good when we're constantly getting message from media and even other people that we don't look right. Maybe, you're not happy with the size of our chest or waist or hips or something else- it's too small, it's too big, it's too lumpy. Maybe, you've even gained a few stretch marks from childbearing. Maybe, you think it's not worth it to try and look sexy because you have no hope. Maybe, you think that you should turn off the lights and get under the covers before your man catches a glimpse of you before you make love.

I'm inviting you to learn to love your body!

Challenge the false messages that you get from the media and others. There is no way that you can possibly look like that swimsuit model on the cover of Sports Illustrated. She doesn't even really look like that. Don't beat yourself up for the impossible. Next time you see an ad, pick it apart. You know it's fake. Do a little google search of photoshopped models before and after. See the differences yourself.

Before & After

Waist, breasts, legs, skin tone...

I've heard so many men say they wish their wives could just see themselves through their eyes. Your guy loves you and he loves your body.

Your body turns him on so show it to him!

The Art of the Strip Tease

Doing an at home strip tease could be a fun, short little thing you do or you could get prepared by practicing and then make it a performance. It's a great way to build your self confidence, too! Get dressed up and let your husband enjoy.

Wear Layers such as a button up shirt, a lace bra, a short skirt, lace panties, stockings, heels. The point is to keep your body a mystery and slightly hidden. A thong or barely wearing anything will dull some of the anticipation. You could even layer some sexy items under your every day clothes and surprise him as you start undressing for bed.

Have confidence. Make sure you feel comfortable in whatever you are wearing. He'll love if you can flaunt what you have. Remember, he loves you and your body- muffin top and all!

You could see if there are pole dancing fitness classes in your area. It's a great workout! Then, invest in a pole and give your hubby a private show.

Try one of the Aerobic Striptease workout videos at home and then perform for your husband.

Use some music and dance around a bit.

Have some rules like you can touch him, but he can't touch you unless directed to.

Set it up to make sure he has a good view. Put him on a chair or on the bed.

Walk around a bit, turn around. Give him a good view of everything.

Slowly undress. When you're about to remove something, give him a little peek, then cover it up, then slowly take it all the way off. When you're ready to take your bra off completely, turn around and then slowly turn back toward him.

Start with accessories then work from the head down.

Reader Experience -- Overcoming Sexual Abuse

One of the biggest frustrations in my life hasn't been "the best way to please my husband." The majority has been the frustration of how to have a loving and romantic relationship when sexual abuse is a part of my past. There are many degrees of sexual abuse, and all of it affects your ability to fully open up your body to a loved one.

As backwards as it seems, many people who have endured sexual abuse blame themselves. The reason is not clear and even though I have done that, it still boggles my mind. No matter what kind of person you were, or the abuser was, it was not your fault. Ultimately it only matters on the kind of person you strive to be. If you want to be able to give your mind, body and soul to a loved one, then you can. It may take months or even years, but it is possible.

Talk to someone. Whether it be your spouse, a friend or a professional. Someone needs to know and be the sounding board for the things that burden your heart. You don't need to go into extensive detail of every little thing that has ever happened to you. Just share what effects it has on you now. I for one had a hard time letting my spouse touch me in a romantic way. Some ways I was touched, positions and even words reminded me of the pain I had gone through and I shut down. I could not perform sexually when feeling past violation creep up.

The biggest step to my healing was learning that my husband is not a past abuser. He is a loving and caring man and wouldn't hurt me in the same way. It is so important to separate the people you love in your life away from an abuser.

Abuse is a very painful and horrible topic. Being open and honest about do's don'ts and other things will make love making a little more loving and a little less painful. Let your spouse in on the things that burden you in bed so that he can help you through it. And most of all, enjoy your spouse.

Feelin' Sexy Friday -- Embrace the Muffin Top

I recently watched the movie Eat, Pray, Love and there was a scene in there that made me smile and think.

Here's the movie scene:

The main character, Liz, is eating pizza in Naples with her friend when her friend looks guiltily at the pizza and explains she cannot eat it.

"I want to, but I've gained like 10 pounds.... I've got this right here on my tummy. What's this called?"

"A muffin top. I have one, too. Let me ask you this.... In all the years you've ever undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out or left?"

"No..."

" That's because he doesn't care. He's in the room with a naked girl. He's won the lottery... I'm so tired of saying no and then waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consume so I know exactly how much self-loathing to take into the shower. I have no interest in being obese. I'm just through with the guilt."

I've worked a lot with women with disordered eating and body image issues and these are often tied to sexuality. There may be a million different reasons for this, but that's to be discussed at another time.

Embrace your body! Love who you are! Your man will love you no matter what your body looks like. Confidence and being comfortable with how you look is sexy!!

My challenge for you is to show that confidence. Go initiate an intimate interaction. Put on some nice lingerie or go in the buff or show your confidence in how you pursue. Do whatever works for you. I bet your man will love it. Let me know how it goes.

Have a great Friday!

Questions or Suggestions for further topics? Email alyssamft{at}gmail{dot}com

Feeling Sexy Friday -- Be Naked

Anonymous said...

Do you have any tips on having more self confidence while in the buff? I know my sex life would be a rockin' if I wasn't so insecure about myself!

AUGUST 9, 2010 3:51 PM

Why, yes! I do have some ideas!

{via}

To feel more confident and sexy while naked:

1. Practice being naked. Alone first, and then with husband. Be naked while you do your makeup or while blowing your hair dry. Be naked at the end of the day while you read your book or surf the internet. Go ahead. Take your clothes off. (Just be sure the kids aren't around.)
2. Be clean while naked. You'll feel way more confident if your teeth are shiny and you smell like a rose.
3. Exercise. Not only will this rid you of unwanted flab, you will feel more connected emotionally and spiritually to your body. Feeling your body move and experiencing that movement with a present mind will help you appreciate and love your whole self.
4. Trust that your husband loves you. He chose you, body and all.

**Last day for the 5 Day Challenge! Don't give up now!**

Sex & Money

Autonomy plays an integral role in a successful and fulfilling marriage. While I am all about dividing roles and responsibilities, I am equally passionate about educating yourself and taking control of your life. Whether you are the primary financial leader or your husband takes this role, it is vital that you be informed about your finances.

It is often said that sex and money are the top causes for contention, and even divorce, in marriage. By now you are all well on your way to having a rockin' hot sex life so here are a few conversation starters to be sure you and your honey are in harmony regarding your money matters:

• What steps are we taking to save money?
• What steps are we taking to invest money?
• Why are we saving/investing money?
• Do we have a budget?

{via}

Husband and I are completely obsessed with Mint.com. After a simple set up process, our income and spending are automatically tracked and categorized making it easy to see where we need to cut back spending. Mint.com has over 1 million users and has been named the best online personal finance tool by Money Magazine. It is fast, intuitive, and offers real solutions. Multiple users are allowed for one account making it easy for you to collaborate with your spouse. The iPhone application is one of my favorite features. Alerts for over-spending can be sent right to your pocket.

Even if you already have a budgeting system in place, I would highly recommend giving Mint.com a try. It is free and more importantly stands as an invaluable tool for understanding your finances. Take control, girls. You'll feel sexy, I'm sure.

Boost With Desire

Mind over matter. You've heard it said. Mind over matter. The first step in boosting your libido is wanting to boost your libido. And why wouldn't you want to boost your sex-drive? We are talking more orgasms here, girls!

Decide today that you, you -- not your husband -- but you want to increase your libido. Want it for yourself and want it for your marriage. Shoot, want it for your kids and for the guy on the freeway who is trying to merge in front of you. A satisfied girl is a happy, kind girl. :)

Photo Courtesy of Boutwell Studio

Everyone...

This children's book, Everyone Poops, got me thinking.

When I was a teenager, my developing sexuality often made me feel freakish.

"What in the world is happening to me?!"

It wasn't until after I had been married a few years that I figured it out. Everyone is doing it. Seriously. Everyone. Even my mom is doing it. That's when I decided to stop being ashamed of my sexuality and learn to love it.