Getting ready to consummate your marriage may be a little daunting, but here are some tips to get you through.
- Take care of your hygiene. Make sure you shave and do any necessary grooming and cleaning down there. Be careful of using harsh cleaners because they might aggravate the area.
- Make sure you've discussed birth control beforehand and have that all ready. (e.g. she's been on the pill for a bit, condoms on hand etc.) I'll have to do another post about some options. Yes?
- Go to the bathroom before having sex. This way there won't be added pressure on your bladder or your rectum. It's really hard to relax and enjoy it when you feel like you have to go to the bathroom. It may be normal to feel like you have to pee or go #2 during sex the first few times so it's just nice to go beforehand so you have the reassurance that you don't really need to go again.
- It can be fun to get dressed up into some special lingerie. It will usually make you feel sexier and get you in the mood if you aren't already.
- Make sure you have a good lubricant. Water-based are really great and you're less likely to have an allergic reaction. They also don't dry out or get sticky gross.
- Enjoy exploring each other and making foreplay fun. Women typically need a bit longer than men to become lubricated, fully aroused and ready for penetration. Often, it works well if the man manually stimulates the woman to orgasm and then tries for penetration so he can reach orgasm. Women are capable of multiple orgasms so she may have another or more after penetration occurs.
- Take it S L O W. So many people on the sidebar poll said that it hurt the first time. Your vagina is being stretched out! You don't want it to rip or get super irritated. It takes time to actually be comfortable. Relax. Take deep breaths. Sex is usually not beautiful and sexy the first time. So just take it slow.
- Speak to your partner. Tell him what you like, what's uncomfortable etc. Sure, it may not seem very romantic, but it's so necessary. He's not going to know what you like and you're not going to know what he likes if you don't talk about it.
- It may feel a bit awkward and it probably is. Just relax, smile and laugh your way through. I had never seen a naked guy before (and didn't have any sex education) and I was a bit weirded out like "Whoa, that's supposed to be attractive?!"
- Don't clench! Your butt or other areas. There are vaginal wall muscles that you can learn to control. As you practice Kegel exercises you can learn to control this.
- Get in a position that is comfortable for both of you. Don't try anything too crazy until you get the basics down. A good position to try first is having the woman on top so she can control penetration and it naturally helps her relax the muscles down there.
- Be prepared for your body to just jerk around uncontrollably at times. Relax. Let it happen. This is normal. If you're a control freak, let sex be the area where you don't have to be in control of your body. Let go and enjoy!
- Have a hand towel
nearby (like in the drawer of the nightstand). It's kinda messy if he's not using a condom and you used lubricant. Just clean up a bit afterward and you can avoid fighting over who's going to sleep in the wet spot.
- Spend time cuddling afterward. Men naturally release hormones that make them sleepy so be prepared for him to drift off to sleep while you're anxiously awake. Men, try to spend time talking to your wife and cuddling afterward. Talk about what you enjoyed.
- Go to the bathroom afterward or use some personal wipes/ unscented baby wipes
to clean yourself up and make sure nothing is in your urethra. Sure, it's not sexy, but a lasting yeast infection is way less sexy.
- Snack and drink water to fuel up for next time
- Practice makes perfect so practice together often!!
What other tips do you have?
What do you wish you'd have known before your wedding night?
You should never stop and start the flow of urine!
ReplyDeleteWomen have a short urethra and this can cause urine to back-flow and cause a bladder infection. It is highly suggested you DO NOT practice your kegels while urinating. You should be able to clench your vaginal muscles without clenching your butt muscles as well. It takes time and practice; you can even practice while your husband is inside of you. Like dialators, there are inserts you can get from a pelvic doctor to practice your kegels with.
One last note, you should ALWAYS urinate after any vaginal play. Again with the short urethra. Bacteria can easily and quickly get into your urethra causing a UTI or a bladder infection. Do not be ashamed to make a potty break an after-sex ritual, you'll save yourself a lot of pain.
I had such a positive wedding night experience and I know it was because we talked about EVERYTHING beforehand. You don't have to do it in a serious, formal conversation either. Just talk to your friend! Talk about what you're excited about, what you're nervous about, what you want the first time to be like, ask questions, remember that you're marrying this person and you should be able to talk about this stuff.
ReplyDeleteI also had an IUD so my hymen was cut with a scalpel in my obgyn's office when she inserted my IUD. I would recommend this to everyone (the cutting of the hymen, not the IUD)! It hurt, but I'm sure a sharp scalpel would hurt less than a blunt penis. AND, the doctor and I weren't trying to be romantic either. So on my wedding night, I kept waiting for it to hurt, and it never did feel anything but wonderful.
I think a lot of times women are too worried about the pain of first intercourse. I visited my obgyn before the wedding and she said I would have some pain, and I did, but it was very manageable. We took it slow and that helped a lot. For many women, it is part of the experience of first-time sex, and I don't think it's a part I would want to leave out. Unless medically necessary, I don't think I would want to artificially, intentionally get rid of my hymen before the weeding night. My opinion is for women just see it as part of the new and exciting experience of sex and beginning a new phase of life with your husband.
ReplyDeleteWe had one of those theme rooms for our wedding night and thought it would be fun to use the huge bathtub and bathe together and lotion up as foreplay. It made things more difficult because we felt sticky instead of silky. Part of the memories I suppose, but now we save the bathing (most of the time) for afterward.
ReplyDeleteI had a fabulous wedding night - virgin when I married. Undressing was awkward, but sex wasn't really. And we didn't even kiss before we were married! My tips when women ask:
ReplyDelete-Talk about what you KNOW you'll be comfortable with before you're there. I thought I'd be uncomfortable if I felt trapped by him, so we avoided anything like that. (Turns out that I didn't feel trapped at all, but I didn't know that til I'd been there, done that).
-Realize that this isn't the PINNACLE of your sexual life, but the START of it. If you don't have sex the first night, hey, that's okay. Really, it is.
-My husband and I talked before hand that I might not want to go all the way (since I'd never even kissed a guy before the altar). His only request is that I let him know as soon as I could if I didn't want to go all the way. It was okay with him if I didn't, but he didn't want to assume one thing when I was assuming another.
-Make out. For a long time before hand. I think we made out for like an hour, in various stages of undress.
-I did get dilators from my OBGYN. Were they needed? I don't know. I didn't have any pain in sex and I had always had pain during routine pap smears.
-We used natural family planning (well, really Fertility Awareness Method), so he knew where I was in my cycle - that I was fertile and that we needed to use a condom. He took care of putting that on himself...one less thing to be awkward about.
"Practice makes perfect so practice together often!!" That's funny but true. The more you do it, the more you'll be comfortable doing it with your partner. Just make sure that you really clean yourself afterwards. You might get yeast infection which is irritating, just like what I read from this free report: http://www.mercola.com/Downloads/bonus/candida-yeast/default.aspx
ReplyDelete