Sex Stopper: "Sex is Boring. It takes so much work to get aroused, it's just not worth the effort. It's mentally and physically exhausting. I rarely even orgasm."
Anonymous said...I have to agree 100% with Anonymous comment #1. It's just a hassle because it's not good. And I know it's one of those practice-makes-perfect ideas, but practicing isn't fun, so why would you want to practice? It was definitely more fun when it was something forbidden and exciting. Now that it's "okay" all the thrill is gone.JUNE 21, 2010 11:04 AM
Have you ever felt this way? I know you can't see me but I'm raising my hand, high. You love your husband, so you endure. Besides, you would like to have a good sex life, but things just flatline.
Solution: Self love. Self love is, as The Housewife put it, "Figuring out what feels good for them, and learning to enjoy it by themselves, with no pressure and no judgment." Often times masturbation is seen as a dirty or bad word and act, but when used appropriately, it can be highly beneficial in the marriage bed. Many faiths, including Christianity, believe it to be an inappropriate, or even sinful, act when used outside the bonds of marriage. But what about within marriage? Self love can provide an opportunity for the wife to become in tune with her body or to learn new ways to experience orgasm.
I would recommend including your husband in the discovery process. Discuss the idea with him and see how you both feel. The idea of you pleasing yourself may be a very erotic thing for him. You may both benefit. In the book, Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self, author Sallie Folley says:
"Although masturbation implies a solitary act, it has relevance when discussing sexuality and relationships. Masturbation can be either a source of conflict and misunderstanding for a couple or a practice that enhances sexual satisfaction in a relationship."
- Remember, the goal is to bring you closer to your spouse. Keep this in mind throughout the process.
- Self love is merely a part of your sexual relationship, not a secret or separate activity.
- If you currently do this but are too embarrassed or ashamed to share it with your husband, consider taking a leap of faith and sharing this side of your sexuality. You will feel closer to him and he will think you are hot.
- Try including him by texting or calling him before, during, or after. It'll drive him wild.
- The more orgasms you have, the easier it becomes to experience orgasm.
- Soon you'll be the one begging for sex.
- Try masturbating in front of your husband.
- Another quote from Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self:
"Comfort with your body, including your genitalia, is important in allowing you to become more responsive to sexual stimulation. Many women have been conditioned to have negative or even phobic reactions to their genitals. Familiarity, up close and personal, can help desensitize these reactions."
- One more quote from Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self:
"Masturbation is an ideal learning environment; it provides a safe, private, relaxed opportunity for you to explore your body and how you respond to stimulation. Most men benefit from this learning opportunity during adolescence. Many women don't have this advantage. From an early age they're taught that good girls don't touch themselves "down there." Because early in life many women are told that menstruation is "the curse," their genitals become guilty by association. Contrary to popular opinion, the clitoris and vagina are not your only sex organs. Your mind and your skin, whether on your face or the soles of your feet, function as vital sex organs, capable of producing intense sexual arousal."Folley provides further ideas and instructions on how to masturbate in her book.
Self love can be a tool in resolving many other Sex Stoppers as well. Mental issues such as past abuse or previously painful sexual experiences can also be remedied.
Anonymous said...My problem isn't so much the Good-Girl Syndrome as it is the Sex-Hurt-For-A-Year-And-A-Half Syndrome, and even though I fixed THAT problem, it's still hard to retrain your brain to WANT to do something that's associated with pain. (And still isn't entirely satisfying, to tell you the truth...)Working on it.JUNE 21, 2010 6:20 AM
Have you tried this in your marriage? Did it help improve sex with your husband? Would you dare suggest the idea to your husband?
P.S. New poll on the sidebar at the top of the poll list.