Guest Post: Taking Matters Into My Own Hands

Let me start by saying that my husband and I have always had a great sex life, but along the way we’ve learned that we can always use improvement in order to make our sex life even more fun and exciting. After nearly 10 years of marriage and two kids later, I can say something that I never thought I’d say  - masturbation has greatly improved our sex life.

I must preface this by saying that masturbation is relatively new for me. I didn’t masturbate growing up, and in our early years of marriage, I didn’t give it any consideration. My husband had a regular habit of masturbating (of course!) and when we were engaged, he wanted me to get a vibrator in hopes that I would start my own habit of masturbating. So I purchased a vibrator. Not for myself but for him, and I still remember how unattractive it was. It was big, pink and just plain ugly. Needless to say its services were never put to use. 

Fast-forward a few years. After having our first child, we revisited the vibrator topic. As you know, intercourse is out of the question both physically and mentally for those first few postpartum weeks, but once the romance starts to return and the sex drive is heating back up, let’s face it, sex is still not that great. About four weeks after our first child, I was ready to go, but sex was often uncomfortable and even painful at times.

As a result, we went on the search for a new sexier vibrator, but this time it was me who wanted it; I wasn’t simply doing it for my husband. It was the best purchase we have ever made for our sex life, and it allowed me to see for the first time that sex toys can be sexy, fun, and very beneficial.

I am still not one to regularly masturbate alone, but I love doing it in conjunction with my husband. There are many occasions where neither of us feels like having sex, but the thought of only masturbating seems very appealing. No need to find the right position or worry about having enough time. It is fast, easy, and effective.

We masturbate together about twice a week, and it has improved our sex life in more ways than one. I have learned so much about my body through masturbation, including how to better use fantasy, how to have multiple orgasms, and how to better identify G-spot vs. clitoral orgasms. There is something empowering about taking my sexual needs into my own hands, literally.

As I look back, maybe I should have given that big, ugly vibrator a chance!

Check out the vibrator selection at Babeland! They even have a section for beginners! There are also some couple vibrators, mini, discreet and a whole bunch of other categories. The Hitachi Magic Wand is always a favorite as is the Siri if you need a place to start.

If you want a bit more guidance to self lovin check out this book.


  1. I've been having a really low sex drive recently. Do you think masturbating throughout the week would help my drive improve???

    1. Steph -Post AuthorFebruary 9, 2013 at 7:51 PM

      For sure! It is like anything you do. The more you do it, the more you want it. I would just start out masturbating alone or with your partner(i.e. using a vibrator or your hand)especially when you do not feel in the mood. You will be amazed how things can turn around.

      Books and movies are also a great way to help get you in the mood.

      Good luck!

  2. It could definitely help improve your sex drive! Think of some things that typically get you in the mood, find some quiet time (or even try in the shower) and see what feels good to you. It can even be helpful to get yourself almost to orgasm and then stop a few times to build up the intensity and desire so the next time your partner is in the mood, you can be, too.

    Also, just be aware of basic anatomy- most women are likely to orgasm from clitoral stimulation rather than vaginal. (http://gweninlove.blogspot.com/2010/08/understanding-your-body_11.html).

    We had a post a while back with some basic masturbation instruction if you want to check that out. http://gweninlove.blogspot.com/2011/01/guest-blogger-learning-curve.html

    Like Steph said, the more often you do it, the more often you want it!

    Good luck! Let us know how it goes. XOXO

  3. To the post author and Gwen, do you think some forms of erotica can be beneficial for a lackluster libido? The post author mentioned books or movies? Like sex ed DVDs? Is there anything you all recommend?

  4. Like Gwen mentioned in her more recent post, I find books and movies to be very helpful - both educational and nonfiction. Just keeping the topic of sex on your mind on a continual bases is great. It looks different to each person, and it's all your personal preference.



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