How to Choose a Spouse (and How to be a Good One)

Most of you, dear readers, have already chosen a man that you want to keep forever and ever. But for those of you still looking, I’ve put together a little guide. If you are already married, this could be a great conversation starter. Are you being the kind of spouse you would want to be married to?

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Gwen’s Guide to Choosing a Spouse:

1. Choose someone who is selfless

To me, this is the most important quality to look for in a spouse. It is also the most important quality you should cultivate in yourself. Of course unselfishness should not be confused for a push over. You don’t want to marry a “yes man.” But if both partners are consistently worried about the other’s wants, needs, and feelings there will be no need to doubt their intentions.

Selflessness is superior to other sought after traits because from it most good qualities flow. You serve, provide for your family, and are conscious of your words and actions because you are selfless.

2. Choose someone who is reputable and honest

How do you know you’ve found an honest man? His actions and reputation speak volumes. Does he have enemies? Does he sleep around? Do the people who love you most approve? Can he hold a job? Is he in excessive or unreasonable debt? Has he hidden anything from you?

If you are married now, are you honest? Do you hide things from your spouse? If you do, stop. Didn’t Abe teach you to be honest?

3. Choose someone who is hard working

Hard work can be manifested in many ways. But is he working towards something? A productive life is a happy life.

4. Choose someone who is on the same page

Of course it’s good to have your own interests but do your core values match? Is he a hunter and you a member of PETA? If you want to be a stay-at-home-mom will he do everything he can to make it happen? If you are not the same religion, how will you raise your children or handle holidays? Have you discussed it? Studies show that shared religious beliefs increase marital satisfaction. Consider differences in age, culture, and intelligence.

If you’re already married, are you flexible and willing to change?

5. Choose someone who is confident

Someone who is confident will be more capable of loving you. Your relationship will be less consumed by their insecurities. You are choosing a partner not a project. In marriage, it should not be your responsibility to fix someone.

But beware; arrogance is not synonymous with confidence. Confidence and humility go hand in hand.

No one possesses all of these traits to perfection. If you are lacking in one of these traits, change it and improve. If your spouse is, show him increased love and accentuate his positive traits. This will be much more effective than nagging.

What traits do/did you value in finding a spouse?