In life, people say and do stupid things. I have learned, however, that offensive or hurtful words and actions are usually not intended to be so. They are generally poorly formed thoughts or misunderstood actions. This applies in marriage as well. If you are the good, honest woman you ought to be and if you have married a good man, he would never intentionally hurt you. Would you intentionally hurt him?
If the answer was yes, stop right there. Change yourself. Why would you ever hurt the person most important in your life?
If the answer was no, as it should be, think on it. "I would never intentionally hurt my husband and he would never intentionally hurt me. " What a freeing statement! How much easier is it to not take offense and to forgive if you truly believe this statement?
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Your marriage will be so peaceful and happy if you live by the belief that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt your spouse.
Let's do some examples:
- Change this thought, "How could Husband leave the trash can overflowing again after we have decided this to be his chore?! He must not respect me." into this thought "Silly Husband, he forgot to empty the trash can again. He must have a lot on his mind."
- Change this thought, "Why isn't Husband coming on to me tonight? He must think I am undesirable." into this thought, "Husband hasn't hit on me tonight. He must be feeling unloved. I think I'll start some hanky panky."
- Change this thought, "Why did he buy me a blanket for my birthday? He knew I wanted a new pair of jeans." into this thought, "He bought me a blanket, how sweet! He knows I'm always cold when we cuddle up on the couch to watch a movie."
Have you had an experience where you chose to recognize Husband's good intentions?
This is such a great post and something I have definitely had to learn in marriage. When my husband gets stressed, he gets very short on patience. I've had to change my thinking from "Why is he being so ornery? I'm not going to talk to him if he's going to act like that" to "He's being a little ornery. Something must be bothering him. I should do something to take his mind off things/let him vent."
ReplyDeleteLove your blog, miss! Never a bad entry. You are a gem!
ReplyDeletesuch a wonderful concept and yes, it is totally freeing! but we all get our feathers ruffled from time to time. it's just nice to know that when the person you're in the relationship with loves you dearly, he/she truly didn't mean to do it.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few people i wish would read this!!!
ReplyDeleteGwen,
ReplyDeleteGREAT Post!! I, myself, am guilty of turning my husband's good intentions into a war against me. It is so easy to forget that we would never do anything to intentionally hurt our spouse. Thank you for posting this!!
Gwen, I love you... plain and simple! :)
ReplyDeleteTrue true true! It's a never ending struggle to be more positive and it's easy to take our husbands for granted!
ReplyDeleteEveryday I read this blog I fall a little more in love with my husband. It really is an effort (and one we have to be reminded of!) to change our wrong thinking and give our spouses the benefit of the doubt.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all you do!
Gwen I love this! Changing my perspective always makes me act differently. And I find myself being more loving and receiving more love in return. This post is such a wonderful reminder that my husband married me because he loves and I shouldn't assume otherwise!
ReplyDeleteI am guilty as charged. I allow simple things to make me upset and I say stupid things back, that I know as soon as it comes out of my mouth I hurt hubby's feelings. I think that alot of my issue lies in the fact that my father was not around, but I had a very loving grandfather in his place. Even though I had that relationship it never really taught me how to be truly loved by a man. I have had to learn that with my husband and he has been very patient with me. I think that sometimes when he does not do simple things that I ask, I revert back to a child expecting their father to do something in which he never follows through with. I need to process more, instead of saying sorry later. He is the most important person in my life and I would never intentionally hurt his pride, his feelings or him emotionally. Love this post and thanks for allowing me to think about how I can make my relationship better.
ReplyDeleteboy, i was JUST thinking about this today. i am guilty. it is sooo hard to change the thought when you are annoyed but it is so nice to be reminded that he really would never do anything to intentionally hurt me.
ReplyDeleteyou are a breath of fresh air.
This is such a good post. So very true ... but it's so hard to put into practice sometimes! Thanks for the words of encouragement to be a better spouse, as always :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not married, this is great. I need to remind myself to think like this a lot more often.
ReplyDeleteWhen my hubby and I were engaged, I remember telling him this very thing. I was like, please assume that I'm for your good and I'll assume that you're for mine. That nipped a lot of arguments in the bud.
ReplyDeleteCool blog! DOn't know how you did, but I'm glad you found me. Thanks for your comment on my blog! I just liked your FB page too.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Oh my goodness I love this blog!!!! How awesome! I feel like I am going to learn a lot here! :)
ReplyDeleteDearest Gwen, thank you so much for leading me to your so very inspiring and lovely space here! This is truely such a beautiful post and such a lovely reminder of such a sweet sentiment. Im preparing for a wedding next year and i know i am going to marry a good man. Have a lovely merry happy weekend and lots of love to you and yours!
ReplyDeleteI love this blog! So much awesome information and fun posts. I will be a regular reader. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeletewhat a great post!
ReplyDeleteI am definitely the one asking the first set of questions. I've been married for 4 months, but my husband and I have been together for over 8 years. I know I should see things from the second point of view, but it's going to take a LOT of work to try to think that way.
ReplyDeleteTotally what I needed to hear today! And great examples!! I laughed when I read the one about taking out the garbage. We just sat down a few weeks ago and made a list of who wants to be responsible for which chores, and he chose garbages. By the end of that same week, the bathroom garbage was a little more than overflowing! But it got emptied, and not by me! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for doing this post!
p.s. The birthday one is kinda funny too. It's actually my birthday today... I wonder he'll get me ;)
This is a great post! It's so easy to believe the worst, but it takes actual effort, sometimes, to believe the best. I love my husband more than life, but I need to work on this! :)
ReplyDeleteWords to live by, I feel like if I just stopped and thought about that before getting mad or angry, I never would and would feel so much better!
ReplyDeleteMy husband always says "Don't infer evil where evil is not intended," meaning just what you said. You give the other person the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe that he didn't intentionally set out to hurt your feelings or whatever.
ReplyDeleteI like where you said "change yourself" because we can't change the other person, but we can, with God's help, change ourselves!
great post! but i kind of feel as if i'm the worst girlfriend ever after reading it... lol... but I guess I have a lot of room to change:)
ReplyDeleteThis is a good post! I try to remember to change my thinking. They aren't perfect. And as much as we would like them to be, they aren't mind readers.
ReplyDelete"I would never intentionally hurt my mother, she would never intentionally hurt me"...I love your blog, thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis is some great advice....as I recently got engaged! I'll keep these in mind. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Gwen! I love the idea of changing thought patterns to more positive ones!
ReplyDeleteGood one Gwen! Sometimes it's easy to forget... THANKS for the reminder :)
ReplyDeleteI love this! This is kinda what I have been trying with my blog
ReplyDelete