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Why Sex is a Better Headache Cure than Painkillers


The impact of sexual activity on idiopathic headaches: An observational study.


Vanilla sex is OUT, porn addiction is IN: Disturbing survey reveals how porn is damaging our relationships



Designer Genitalia: The Modification of Women’s Genitals

Guest Post: Lauren & Jason's Miracle Baby

Hello my fellow GwenInLove readers! Lauren here from reallifeexpatwife.blogspot.com. As usual, I was reading through Gwen’s blog and came across her post asking for guest bloggers. As soon as I read the request for someone to write about “How to Enjoy Sex through Infertility”, I jumped at the chance. Here’s our story.

My husband Jason and I have been married for a year and a half. I am 28 and he is 40. We met while dressed up at a Halloween party and had no clue of our age difference until our very first date where I found out more about him than I had bargained for. During that date, he spilled the beans about previously being married for 17 years, having two teenagers and about his divorce. I’m not sure if he told me that night or soon thereafter but he also made mention of the fact that he was snipped at the ripe old age of 20 thinking that he was done (he was a young daddy). I wasn’t concerned in the slightest because I had just gotten out of my previous relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious at all. It didn’t even phase me because “it wasn’t like I was going to marry him, right?” It’s funny how things work out, isn’t it?

After dating for a little over a month, Jason told me that he was being transferred to Singapore for work. We discussed parting ways shortly after he found out so neither of us would get too attached or hurt but neither of us were ready because we were having so much fun. During one discussion I jokingly said, “Well, why don’t I just come with you then?” He said that if I was serious, he would make it happen. Three months later, in March, we were engaged. Then off we went to Singapore in April. We were so in love, happily engaged, and seeking adventure without a care in the world. We spoke about having our very own family one day and were very excited with what the future would hold.

When we spoke about having kids (before we were married) we planned that Jason would have a vasectomy reversal the fall after our wedding. It can take up to a year for the procedure to work and we knew we wanted kids sooner than later. Jason had it stuck in his head that he is an old man and didn’t want to look like the Grandpa at their high school graduation (like that could ever happen!). At this point, we had moved from Singapore and were living in Salzburg, Austria so we started researching doctors who were experienced in the field. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that at 27 years old I would be hoping, praying to have a miracle baby with my sweet husband. In November 2011, Jason had his procedure done. After seeing the pain he went through I couldn’t help but think how much he loves me. Seriously, I felt so bad for him and wish that pain on no one. The doctor told us that because he is so young and healthy, it would most likely work and that when he felt better we could start going at it. When Jason finally let me near that region, we starting trying. It was so fun and exciting thinking that this time could be it. Rather than being discouraged, each month brought more excitement because it just had to work sooner or later. The doctor said so. I must have taken six or seven pregnancy tests before I started to feel like something just wasn’t right. Why was something that was supposed to be so right feel so wrong?

We went back to the doctor the following summer and found out that the procedure didn’t work yet and that he was still shooting blanks. Here’s the kicker though- the doctor said that it could clear out and work eventually or maybe it just didn’t work at all. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that it wouldn’t work. It had to work. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) was tossed around in the very beginning but I was just certain that the reversal would work. We talked about our options and decided that instead of waiting to see if it would eventually work (maybe the goop just didn’t clear out of the pipes yet) that we would start our road through IVF. We decided that we would enjoy the summer and if I still wasn’t pregnant come the end of August, we would start IVF in September.

In June, we came back to the States and found an amazing doctor we wanted to work with. Jason had his little procedure done (called a sperm aspiration) and all his little guys were frozen in case we needed them come September. I’m surprised he even let a needle near that area again. See, I told you he loves me!! 

August eventually came and I was still not pregnant. We came back to the States in September where I went through my exams, rounds of fertility drugs, and then had my egg retrieval and finally the egg transfer. Can I just tell you how emotional the process was? Especially the dreaded 2ww (two week wait) to see if the egg/s actually took. I took two pregnancy tests trying not to be discouraged before getting my BFP (big fat positive)!!

So here I am, 20 weeks pregnant with our little miracle baby. Looking back at all of the obstacles that we had to go through to get to this point, I am reminded how blessed I am and that each and every baby is a miracle no matter how it gets here. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wish we could have a baby the “normal” way but going through something like this has made our relationship so much stronger and will forever tell our child how much he or she was wanted.

With that being said, we thoroughly enjoyed each other through out our whole infertility adventure because we never knew when or if his reversal would work. We figured if it was meant to be, it would be. So who knows, after this little one maybe by the grace of God his reversal will have unclogged and maybe, just maybe we can get pregnant again the natural way. All I know is that after baby number two, Jason said he is going to get snipped again. I can’t even believe this crazy talk of him wanting someone to yet again mess with his manhood. I mean who knows, what if he wants more? ;)

So the moral of the story is, just keep on loving each other. Enjoy each embrace, each intimate moment together because you never know when or how your little miracle baby will get here. Best of luck to those who are planning to be or are on this crazy journey. I know exactly how you feel and wish you nothing but tons of baby dust!! Much love to you all. xx

The Love Dare

A few years ago, somebody told me about the movie Fireproof and encouraged me to watch it. It's rare to find a movie that has good morals and talks about faith as well. I admit that this movie was a bit cheesy, but it was also very powerful and moving. I love seeing marriages work hard through tough times and this movie shows this couples journey together and how they come out stronger in the end. I think it's free to stream on on Netflix now if you need a good cuddly, cheap, romantic date night.

The theme throughout this movie involves a Love Dare. It's 40 Days of putting your spouse first complete with a task as well as a scripture and rationale. It's a great way to strengthen your marriage- whether you're thinking about divorce or in the newlywed stage. You can get a shortened version of the Love Dare here. Give it a shot!

Has anybody done the Love Dare? Who's willing to try it?

Day 1: Love is patient

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
—Ephesians 4:2

TODAY’S DARE

The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue...

Make the First Move

Often in a rut in marriage, a person can get stuck in thinking that every problem is because of their spouse. "We wouldn't be like this if he didn't ____", "We'd be better off if she'd just _____", "I'll do ___ when he finally does _____" etc.

The problem is, relationships don't work like that. You can't just sit around wishing for your spouse to change. Both of you contribute to how the relationship is going. If you change a little bit, it's likely going to impact how the two of you interact together. If you change for the better, things will start to change. It may take lot of effort. It may even take time.

Do you want your marriage to last? Do you truly unconditionally love your spouse? Are you willing to stick with them through thick and thin? Are you willing to work hard to make your marriage the best it could possibly be?

Start trying a little more. Push yourself to show him you love him- even when he's driving you crazy that day. Remember those little romantic gestures he used to do for you when you were first married? Why don't you try doing some for him? Don't wait for him to make the first move. You can help make your marriage stronger and even better no matter where it currently is. There is always hope and room for improvement.

Want some guidelines of what to do and where to start? Check out The Love Dare. It's a 40-day challenge to start practicing unconditional love.

Stinkin' Thinkin' -- Stop the Negative Thoughts

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Ugh! Why does he do that all the time?" "Oh my gosh, why can't he just ____!" "I wish my husband _____"?

Chances are you have. And chances are it's impacting your marriage. The way you think impacts the way you act. If you're thinking negatively about your spouse, it's going to influence how you respond to him and the interactions that play out.

Stop that stinkin' thinkin'!

Since our actions and behaviors are fed by our thoughts, see if you can resolve to be better. Go a day at first without thinking anything negative about your spouse. If you do, catch yourself and stop the thought. Replace it with something positive. See how many days it takes until you get to a full day of no negative thoughts.

Birth Control Options

I absolutely love children and have even made some myself. I know there are a lot of differing views on the use and type of birth control. This is a follow up to a previous post for those who have asked for more information regarding birth control options.

You will need to think about and discuss with your spouse whether you want to use a birth control method at all and what type of method you will use if you choose to do so. This is a very personal decision.

There are many options available and it's good to be educated on all of your options instead of just the common ones. Do your research and see what works best for you. I've listed a few of the more common options below.

**Make sure to talk to your health care provider to discuss what options may be appropriate for you.**

Some good websites for more information include:

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/ 
http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/birth-control-birth-control-methods

Natural Family Planning 

Fertility Awareness Method: using the menstrual cycle, cervical mucus and basal body temperature to predict fertile periods and abstaining during that time. 75% effective. No side effects.

Lactational Amenorrhea Method: breastfeeding a newborn baby regularly exclusively (Every 4 hours during day, every 6 hours at night). No formula or supplements at all for baby. Mother must not have had a menstrual period post-birth. Works for only 6 months post birth. 98.5% effective.

Withdrawal: withdrawal of the penis before ejaculation. 79% effective.

Nothing/Chance: No birth control method. 15% effective

Combination Hormonal Methods (contains both estrogen and progestin) 

"The Pill": may reduce acne, pain during ovulation, menstrual cramping, and premenstrual symptoms. Must take daily. Changes the lining of the uterine wall to prevent implantation. May cause nausea, headaches, weight gain, depression or irregular bleeding.  95% effective.

Skin Patches: worn on the skin, must change weekly. Less effective in women over 195 pounds. May cause nausea, headaches, weight gain, depression or irregular bleeding. 99% effective

Rings: about 2", inserted into the vagina, releases chemicals. Changes uterine lining, thickens cervical mucus. Leave the ring in for 3 weeks then take it out for 1 week and insert a new ring. May cause nausea, headaches, weight gain, depression, irregular bleeding, breast tenderness, blood clotting. 92% effectiveness.

Progesterone-only Hormonal Methods 
"Mini pill": take daily at same exact time. May cause breast tenderness, weight gain, 
menstrual cycle changes. Safe to take while breastfeeding. 95% effective. 

Injections: get an injection once every 3 months by health care provider. May cause breast tenderness, weight gain, irregular or missed menstrual cycles. 99% effective.

Implants: about the size of a matchstick, inserted in upper arm by health care provider. Must be removed by health care provider. Lasts about 3 years.

Intrauterine Device (IUD)-Copper: small T-shaped device placed in uterus. May cause longer and heavier periods, ectopic pregnancies, and perforation of uterus. 99.95% effective.

IUD- Hormonal: small T-shaped device placed in uterus. Typically reduces menstrual flow and cramping over time. May cause spotting, moodiness, perforation of uterus and breast tenderness. 99.99% effective

Barrier Methods 

Cervical Cap & Diaphragm: a soft rubber barrier or dome that covers the cervix to prevent sperm from entering.  No side effects (unless allergic). 80% effective (60% effective after child birth).

Male Condom: sheath- usually latex- to cover the penis. No side effects (unless allergic). 79% effective.

I highly recommend every couple own and read through Taking Charge of Your Fertility to become more familiar with how your body works and how people can get pregnant. We also have some snippets from it here.


This is a very personal and important choice that should be approached with much thought, research, and discussion. As always, your constructive insight is welcome.

What I Wish I'd Known Before My Wedding Night: Part II

Don't forget to check out Part I and other tips for newlyweds.

The wedding's over, the reception is starting to clear out and if you're like most couples, the guy is anxious to go and the bride is finding excuses to talk to relatives she hasn't seen in a while, straightening up decorations and taking her sweet time to head back to the honeymoon suite.

Getting ready to consummate your marriage may be a little daunting, but here are some tips to get you through.

1. Take care of your hygiene. Make sure you shave and do any necessary grooming and cleaning down there. Be careful of using harsh cleaners because they might aggravate the area.
2. Make sure you've discussed birth control beforehand and have that all ready. (e.g. she's been on the pill for a bit, condoms on hand etc.) I'll have to do another post about some options. Yes?
3. Go to the bathroom before having sex. This way there won't be added pressure on your bladder or your rectum. It's really hard to relax and enjoy it when you feel like you have to go to the bathroom. It may be normal to feel like you have to pee or go #2 during sex the first few times so it's just nice to go  beforehand so you have the reassurance that you don't really need to go again.
4. It can be fun to get dressed up into some special lingerie. It will usually make you feel sexier and get you in the mood if you aren't already.
5. Make sure you have a good lubricant. Water-based are really great and you're less likely to have an allergic reaction. They also don't dry out or get sticky gross.
6. Enjoy exploring each other and making foreplay fun. Women typically need a bit longer than men to become lubricated, fully aroused and ready for penetration. Often, it works well if the man manually stimulates the woman to orgasm and then tries for penetration so he can reach orgasm. Women are capable of multiple orgasms so she may have another or more after penetration occurs.
7. Take it S L O W. So many people on the sidebar poll said that it hurt the first time. Your vagina is being stretched out! You don't want it to rip or get super irritated. It takes time to actually be comfortable. Relax. Take deep breaths. Sex is usually not beautiful and sexy the first time. So just take it slow.
8. Speak to your partner. Tell him what you like, what's uncomfortable etc. Sure, it may not seem very romantic, but it's so necessary. He's not going to know what you like and you're not going to know what he likes if you don't talk about it.
9. It may feel a bit awkward and it probably is. Just relax, smile and laugh your way through. I had never seen a naked guy before (and didn't have any sex education) and I was a bit weirded out like "Whoa, that's supposed to be attractive?!"
10. Don't clench! Your butt or other areas. There are vaginal wall muscles that you can learn to control. As you practice Kegel exercises you can learn to control this.
11. Get in a position that is comfortable for both of you. Don't try anything too crazy until you get the basics down. A good position to try first is having the woman on top so she can control penetration and it naturally helps her relax the muscles down there.
12. Be prepared for your body to just jerk around uncontrollably at times. Relax. Let it happen. This is normal. If you're a control freak, let sex be the area where you don't have to be in control of your body. Let go and enjoy!
13. Have a hand towel nearby (like in the drawer of the nightstand). It's kinda messy if he's not using a condom and you used lubricant. Just clean up a bit afterward and you can avoid fighting over who's going to sleep in the wet spot.
14. Spend time cuddling afterward. Men naturally release hormones that make them sleepy so be prepared for him to drift off to sleep while you're anxiously awake. Men, try to spend time talking to your wife and cuddling afterward. Talk about what you enjoyed.
15. Go to the bathroom afterward or use some personal wipes/ unscented baby wipes to clean yourself up and make sure nothing is in your urethra. Sure, it's not sexy, but a lasting yeast infection is way less sexy.
16. Snack and drink water to fuel up for next time
17. Practice makes perfect so practice together often!!

What other tips do you have? 

What do you wish you'd have known before your wedding night?

Special Price: And They Were Not Ashamed

Laura Brotherson is doing a special on her book And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment as an end of year gift. You can currently get the ebook for $4.99. You can also get the hard copy for about $12.

This book is so great for every single stage of a relationship. It's tasteful and informative. I refer a lot of my clients to this book. It's written in such a way you can skip between chapters or read straight through. I especially love the chapter covering The Good Girl Syndrome. Amazon lets you preview a few pages. Check it out and add it to your bookshelf.

Have you read it? What was the best thing you got from this book?

What I Wish I'd Known Before My Wedding Night: Part I

A few people with winter weddings have requested some information on preparing for sex. There's only so much you can know before you actually do. But here are a few things you can do...

1. Learn about basic anatomy. Yours and his. It's better to know about anatomy before trying anything. For example, do you know what a clitoris is, where it's located and that it's often where stimulation is needed for many woman to orgasm. Does he? You both need to just learn some basic anatomy. It might not make sense until you see it all, but learn all that you can.


2. Learn about the sexual response cycle. You can see the post here. There are some very informative sketches for you visual learners. I've heard that for a lot of women arousal precedes desire and for men desire comes first. It's just good to know basic gender differences.


3. Use a dilator to stretch you vagina. This is just helpful for when penetration occurs later. You can often get a set of dilators from your family doctor or OB. They are basically just cylinders that gradually increase in size. You can buy a set of dilators online if you're too nervous to talk to your doctor. Make sure you get some lubricant to help them go in easier. This will also get you the chance to see if you're allergic to any lubes. Babeland has a wide variety if you need a place to get started.


4. If you are planning on doing any special grooming for the hair down there or other areas try it at least once before nearing your wedding. For example, I've known some girls that go in for the full Brazilian the day before they get married and end up being allergic to the wax and then sex was a nightmare the first few weeks because they're dealing with a rash.


5. Talk to your fiance about his expectations for your grooming. I know of a man that didn't know women had pubic hair and went and hid in the bathroom for a few hours after he saw his wife naked because he thought he had married a man. True story. (Again, see #1). Let him know your expectations as well. Also, make sure you clean down there. Unscented Baby wipes work great, but you can also just use a wet wash cloth. Sometimes, you can have a white-ish buildup around your clitoris and the other folds that will cause an odor.


6. Talk to your fiance about his expectations about lingerie. Is it sexy? Is it a waste of time? What do you think? My suggestion is to at least try it out. Most women find it empowering and helpful in boosting their libido.


7. Discuss what types of sex are desired and appropriate in your marriage. Manual stimulation? oral? anal? vaginal? How often do you plan to have sex? You may not want to form a concrete opinion, but it's good to discuss expectations.


8. Discuss the "what ifs". What if you're too tired- do you nap first? What if he prematurely ejaculates? She can't orgasm? Penetration is too painful or impossible? What are you going to do about these common situations? My advice is to go in with a sense of humor, relax and remember you have lots of time to learn and perfect it.


9. Discuss opinions on sex toys, vibrators and other props and objects. Do you want to start out with this or gradually introduce them or not have them at all?


10. Be healthy. Go to your OB for a premarital exam. Ask lots of questions. Make sure you're living a good lifestyle with healthy eating, exercise, rest and good hygiene.


11. Sex if meant to be fun and enjoyable for the man and the woman. If you think you might be suffering from The Good Girl Syndrome then you should do some reading, challenge those thoughts, talk to your fiance and work through it with a counselor if necessary.

Ask the Audience -- Fulfilling Fantasies

A bit of a conversation has started on a past post sparked by this reader's comment.

"My husband just shared his fantasy of having me lock up his manhood in a little cage. He says it's a common fantasy among guys but I've never heard of it. I asked him why he wants me to do this and he said he thought it would be sexy to let me be in control of his sexuality and decide when he was let out. To force a win I said, "Yeah? And what if I don't let you out for a week!?" He said, "That would be your decision... but a lot of women keep their men locked up for much longer than that."

Another reader responded:

"It started in the bdsm community but has broken out and is becoming a popular mainstream activity. I first heard about it on fmh of all places. A girl at my work practices it with her hubby. She wears a clasp on her necklaces that dangles a little silver key on the back of her neck. When I asked her what the key was for she said 'you don't wanna know.' I said I did and she told me it was the key to her hubby's chastity tube (exact words). I was blushing so much I almost tripped on myself getting out of there. I have to admit it made me curious."

I'd love to see the conversation continue if any of you have tried this or have a husband interested in trying this out.

It can be such a great experience to share fantasies with each other. It shows you can be vulnerable with each other. Listen to each other's fantasies and why they're interested if you don't quite understand and see if you can fulfill any of them. Even if you can't fulfill them, it's still a very connecting experience to share them with each other.

If you don't have anything to add to this particular conversation topic, maybe share a fantasy you have talked about or fulfilled with your spouse.

Challenging the Media on Body Image

As women, I'm sure we can all agree that having a positive body image is SO hard! It's hard to think we look good when we're constantly getting message from media and even other people that we don't look right. Maybe, you're not happy with the size of our chest or waist or hips or something else- it's too small, it's too big, it's too lumpy. Maybe, you've even gained a few stretch marks from childbearing. Maybe, you think it's not worth it to try and look sexy because you have no hope. Maybe, you think that you should turn off the lights and get under the covers before your man catches a glimpse of you before you make love.

I'm inviting you to learn to love your body!

Challenge the false messages that you get from the media and others. There is no way that you can possibly look like that swimsuit model on the cover of Sports Illustrated. She doesn't even really look like that. Don't beat yourself up for the impossible. Next time you see an ad, pick it apart. You know it's fake. Do a little google search of photoshopped models before and after. See the differences yourself.

Before & After

Waist, breasts, legs, skin tone...

I've heard so many men say they wish their wives could just see themselves through their eyes. Your guy loves you and he loves your body.

Your body turns him on so show it to him!

Remembering 9/11

I was reading an article on NPR about a wife who was able to speak to her husband on he 105th floor for about thirty minutes before the south tower fell and he passed away. The two had known each other since they were 16 and were 50 when he died. She spoke of how he wanted her to live a full life and kept repeating "I love you" in their final phone call.

My heart aches for those of you that lost loved ones and others in the events of September 11th and those that followed.

Take time today to show how much you love those around you.

Say I love you.

Hold them close.

Do an activity they enjoy.

Think before saying harsh words. Is it really going to matter in the grand scheme of things?

Take time to reflect and ponder on what's important in life.

Consummation

I have a few friends and acquaintances getting married this summer as I'm sure we all do. A lot of these couples haven't had sex during their courtship.

One scenario I've heard quite often with these girls is that she is unsure if she wants to have sex the first night or not. I've actually heard a few guys admit that they are a bit unsure about sex the first night, too. Most explain their anxiety saying it will be quite the jump from the activities they've been engaging in thus far and maybe they wouldn't be ready. They acknowledge the sexual tension and desire are there, but they're still unsure. They have so many questions and don't know how it will happen. It's completely new territory.

This is one common example of the Good Girl Syndrome that I've seen. I've also heard the phrase, "Sex is dirty and evil- save it for someone you love" to explain the conflicting messages some get about sex in relationships. How confusing! A moment passes, an official says a few words and suddenly you can consummate your marriage. It can be a really difficult transition for some.

What advice would you share with these newlyweds?

Will it just come naturally?

What did you do (or wish you would have done) to prepare for your wedding night?

What's in Your Bank Account?

John Gottman often talks about the Emotional Bank Account within a relationship.

Every time a good or positive interaction takes place, a deposit is made.

Each time a negative interaction occurs, a withdrawal occurs.

Gottman found that strong, stable couples often had 5 Positive to every 1 Negative interaction that occurred within their relationship. They are positive 5 times more than they are negative!

It's okay to make suggestions about what your partner could change, be late for a date or have a bad day. Nobody is perfect, but you need to make sure that these withdrawals aren't over- drafting your account.

What's in your bank account?

What are some of the big deposits that your spouse does for you?

Check out The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last for more information.

Erectile Dysfunction

It is estimated that about 90% of men will experience some kind of erectile problem at some point in their lives. In most cases, the problem is short-lived and is quickly resolved.

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the inability to maintain an erection during sexual activity at least 25% of the time. The majority of ED causes are psychological, but physical and other issues may contribute. A common cycle that occurs in men that struggle with ED is that an erection is difficult to achieve during one encounter, then he worries about it and may worry about it during other encounters inhibiting erection or avoid sexual encounters. Worrying about it makes it more difficult. Sometimes, ED may act as a precursor to future cardiovascular disease.

Common treatments include maintaining a healthier lifestyle- eating well, exercising regularly, quitting smoking, treating cardiovascular issues and having relational support. Having a supportive partner can make all of the difference.

A Woman's Guide to ED

Diagnosis & Tests

7 Myths of ED

Couple Sleep Positions

What's your couple sleep position?

We usually start in the Sweetheart's Cradle until he falls asleep, then I roll over to my side of the bed. He likes to be close and I like to breathe my own air to sleep. We're usually doing the Leg Hug by morning.

Some researchers came up with fun explanations for each position. You can read about them here.

Sheet Music by Kevin Leman

A colleague recently recommended this book to me and I absolutely love it! Dr. Leman is a Christian Psychologist and is very clear and blunt in this book while still being tasteful. This is a great book to help you in your sexual relationship and marriage. He talks about sexual satisfaction, dysfunction, a few positions and techniques, differences and similarities between men and women etc.

Here's a little excerpt: (you may have to click to zoom in and read)

Avoiding the Fate of Jon and Kate Plus 8

I know, I know, I'm totally behind the times. The break up of Jon and Kate was eons ago. But I was watching Kate Plus 8 the other night and just kept thinking how sad the whole situation was. What happened really? Did the kids get in the way? Were the just selfish people? I honestly don't read enough tabloids to know the details. But I do know that children can cause stress and chaos. With the kids being home for the summer, I'm sure a few of you are already wishing for September!

Here are a few ideas I've been pondering:

• DATE! Go on dates with your husband! You need the time alone and chances are, the kids will be grateful too!
• Dedicate at least 15 minutes of focused time to your kids so they won't feel sad when you sneak into the bedroom for 15 minutes with your man ;)
• Don't give up. There are seasons of life. Try to look past the diapers and late night feedings. Someday you'll be empty nesters and have him all to yourself.

Do you find that your marriage struggles when the kids struggle? What do you do to stay positive with your spouse when all you want to do is send the kids to boarding school? How do you plan on avoiding the fate of Jon and Kate?

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman is a practical book to help improve your marriage. It's a quick, easy read and you can get your spouse involved in reading each chapter and doing the activities with you.

Gottman makes a great case for marriage and exposes some myths about marriage as well.

People who stay married live four years longer than people who don't.

Half of all divorces will occur in the first seven years of marriage.

About 60% of all conflicts that occur in a marriage will remain unresolvable. Yes, happily married people still argue!

Men are more easily physiologically overwhelmed by marital conflict than are their wives.

In his sample, 94% of the time that couples put a positive spin on their marriage's history, they were likely to have a happy future as well.

Gottman is sometimes known as the divorce predictor. He has averaged 91% accuracy in determining whether a couple will stay together or divorce in three separate studies after watching a couple interact for only 5 minutes. He uses a lot of the observational data he gathered from the Seattle Love Lab- a house where couples would come and live and be observed by his team of researchers.

Reader Experience -- Overcoming Sexual Abuse

One of the biggest frustrations in my life hasn't been "the best way to please my husband." The majority has been the frustration of how to have a loving and romantic relationship when sexual abuse is a part of my past. There are many degrees of sexual abuse, and all of it affects your ability to fully open up your body to a loved one.

As backwards as it seems, many people who have endured sexual abuse blame themselves. The reason is not clear and even though I have done that, it still boggles my mind. No matter what kind of person you were, or the abuser was, it was not your fault. Ultimately it only matters on the kind of person you strive to be. If you want to be able to give your mind, body and soul to a loved one, then you can. It may take months or even years, but it is possible.

Talk to someone. Whether it be your spouse, a friend or a professional. Someone needs to know and be the sounding board for the things that burden your heart. You don't need to go into extensive detail of every little thing that has ever happened to you. Just share what effects it has on you now. I for one had a hard time letting my spouse touch me in a romantic way. Some ways I was touched, positions and even words reminded me of the pain I had gone through and I shut down. I could not perform sexually when feeling past violation creep up.

The biggest step to my healing was learning that my husband is not a past abuser. He is a loving and caring man and wouldn't hurt me in the same way. It is so important to separate the people you love in your life away from an abuser.

Abuse is a very painful and horrible topic. Being open and honest about do's don'ts and other things will make love making a little more loving and a little less painful. Let your spouse in on the things that burden you in bed so that he can help you through it. And most of all, enjoy your spouse.