Level 4: Penis inserted in Vagina
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 3. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? Is it safe to talk about touch? Are you anxious while discussing these exercises with your partner? What was it like to include genital touch without expecting intercourse? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 4.
Level 4 of sensate focus includes all previous levels and now he may insert his penis into your vagina. Some of you may feel like it is extremely difficult to do this without working to orgasm or fully having intercourse. Slowing it down helps you each tune into the experience. This step is particularly important for women who are having trouble staying aroused after insertion or having trouble lubricating and for men having erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
Which areas are more sensitive than others? Do you find you are aroused with some kinds of touch but not others? Do you find certain positions are more comfortable or stimulating? Do you find yourself tensing at any point? When? Is it easy for you to stay relaxed? Is there a certain order of touch that you prefer (foreplay) that you find more enjoyable? What happens if you do kegal exercises while his penis is inserted? Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Level 5: Intercourse excluding Orgasm
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 4. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? Is it safe to talk about touch? Are you anxious while discussing these exercises with your partner? What was it like to insert penis without expecting intercourse? Did you find you were more relaxed? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 5.
Level 5 of sensate focus includes all previous levels and now intercourse without orgasm. This may be really difficult. The goal is to help you both learn what is stimulating. Slowing it down helps you each tune into the experience.
Which areas are more sensitive than others? Are certain speeds more stimulating? Do you find you are aroused with some kinds of touch but not others? Do you find certain positions are more comfortable or stimulating? Do you find yourself tensing at any point? When? Is it easy for you to stay relaxed? Is there a certain order of touch that you prefer (foreplay) that you find more enjoyable? What happens if he uses his hand to stimulate your clitoris while having intercourse? What happens if you do kegal exercises while his penis is inserted? Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Possible Modifications (Bonus Points):
Don't talk to each other. Cue in to each other's body language to see what each partner enjoys.
Turn out the lights or close your eyes.
Engage other senses. Light a candle. Face each other. Wear perfume. Leave the lights on.
Focus on one body area each day.
Spend an hour giving each other massages
Tell your partner what you like in their touch.
Grab his/her hand and guide them instead of just telling them.
How's it going? Are the conversations awkward or relaxed?
Is there a distinction between level 4 and 5 that we should focus on? It seems like they're both intercourse without having an orgasm.
ReplyDeleteHusband and I talked about sensate focus this morning and we are going to try it. We're excited! Thanks for the super posts!
I too am confused about the difference between penis in the vagina and intercourse without orgasm. To me they seem the same.
ReplyDeleteLet me know if there are still questions. Sorry it was unclear.
ReplyDelete