Sexual Dysfunction Quiz

Here is a little quiz I found on Web MD regarding sexual dysfunction. It may provide further insight for you. Click here.

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Happy Halloween, Lovers

Happy Halloween, little ghosts! Go roll around in the sheets.

Ask the Audience #3: Male Sexual Dysfunction

From a reader:

I have a problem that I think would be opposite of most women.

My husband is not into sex -- at all. I thought I would be the one having to tell him no but I've been rejected so many times I've lost count. I've pretty much given up. We have sex maybe once a month -- maybe less. And basically we have it when he is in the mood -- which is usually in the middle of the night. Maybe he has dreams occasionally that turn him on?

Our sex life was pretty good until about a year and a half after we were married. Then he came down with a chronic illness. Plus he works 2 full time jobs and is involved in church and other community activities. He's so tired, in pain, and stressed most of the time. He just doesn't have the time or the interest. I'm guessing the medication he is on has lowered is sex drive.

Is there any hope? I want it so bad! He doesn't really like talking about it. And I'm the most unsexy woman in the world. What can I do to help spark his interest??

Culturally, we're programmed to think that men are always ready to go sexually, and that it's always the women who want to forgo sex. However, this article estimates that 20-25% of men suffer from low sexual desire and hypothesizes about some possible causes. Erectile dysfunction (ED) can also inhibit a couple's sex life. Low desire can be the cause of ED, or ED can result in low desire -- it's the whole chicken and the egg conundrum. You can read about erectile dysfunction here and here.

Our sexual relationship, just like any other aspect of a relationship, evolves and changes over time. There can be bumps in the road as we work to improve this part of our relationship. Sexual hurdles are bound to come and go.

What are your loving ideas to help this couple through this difficult time?

Love Story -- The Swede Records

Fall in love with The Swede Records!

How we met:

I came home for Christmas from college when I was 18 years old and my Mom had mentioned there was a Swedish boy named Jonas coming over for Christmas dinner. "Where's Sweden?" I thought to myself ;-) When I first met Jonas he had long hair and I thought he was so tall. I had an instant crush and felt like he was unlike any other guy I met.

2 months later, I went to a Valentine's Day party and Jonas was there with his Swedish friends (all tall and gorgeous) :-) He had cut his hair and was dressed up really nice, I was so attracted to him. I told my friends "Tonight, I will get his number and/or kiss him." They all thought I was crazy and that it was just another "crush" but there was just something different about him. As the night progressed, I was flirting and we were dancing all night with each other like there was no one else in the room. I may have brought him to the back stairwell a couple times for a kiss or two ;-). After that night, I was smitten and as corny as it sounds, I am just as crazy about him now, 7 1/2 years later, than I was when we first met.

The proposal:

We were vacationing in beautiful Sweden in July and were spending time in the Swedish archipelago. Jonas was very close to his grandfather who had passed away a few weeks before and told me he wanted to make a video for his Grandfather's memorial.

Ironically enough it rained almost the entire time we were there except for the day Jonas took me out on a boat to an island in the Archipelago. We hiked up a hill to this stunning mountain top overlooking the water and surrounding islands and sat down on the rocks. Jonas told me he wanted to make the tape for his Grandpa and asked if I could film it. I willingly took the camera and began filming as he was spoke in Swedish. I zoned out a bit as he talked away and was taken back when Jonas suddenly after 2 minutes of speaking in Swedish said, "Actually Jenny, this video is not for my Grandfather." I continued to film him as he proposed and told me he had planned the proposal for months on the exact mountain they were on.

Needless to say, I put the camera down after a few minutes but it continued to record the unforgettable moment. After Jonas gave me the gorgeous ring, he showed me a video he had made a week earlier in Orange County. Jonas flew down to see my father to ask for my hand in marriage and filmed the entire family saying hi and congratulating me.

After the excitement and realization, I sat down and filmed Jonas make a video for his Grandpa.

Slice of Advice:

Kevin Bacon said it best, short & to the point... "Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty." :-)

Do you have a Love Story you think is worthy of a feature? Send submissions to gwenisinlove {at} gmail dot com

Ask the Audience #2: Self Lovin'

Sorry for the re-post, and to those whose comments were deleted. My first post this morning covered topics that I think would be better discussed in a post of their own. I thought it would be better to choose a more specific topic. Now to the reader's question!

Here's a question from a reader that has had a difficult time having an orgasm in her marriage, but wants to learn:

HOW does a girl go about self lovin'? It doesn't come naturally to everyone. I've tried and it didn't do much for me :(

In the book, For Yourself : The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality, a renowned psychiatrist and writer on female sexuality discusses how a woman's orgasm can lead to even more orgasms:

According to Mary Jane Sherfey “orgasm tends to increase pelvic vasocongestion; thus, the more orgasms achieved, the more can be achieved.” The more orgasms you have by any method—self-stimulation included—the more sexually responsive you are likely to become. The more you exercise and keep the muscles toned, the healthier and better functioning your body systems—including sexual—will become.

Masturbation is commonly recommended by therapists to help improve a low libido or a sexual dysfunction. But if you've never masturbated, it may seem awkward or uncomfortable. In fact, the poll on the sidebar shows that 29% of those who answered said either "I Wouldn't Know How" or "Eww gross! You said the 'M' word!" I receive many, many emails on this topic, so I know there are lots of girls out there that could use your advice. Fire away, audience.

If you have any questions you'd like to see discussed, email me at gwenisinlove {at} gmail {dot} com or leave a comment!

Female Sexual Dysfunction

The following table was taken from the American Family Physician article regarding Female Sexual Dysfunction. You can read more about the topic here.

Basic Treatment Strategies for Female Sexual Dysfunction

Provide education Provide information and education (e.g., about normal anatomy, sexual function, normal changes of aging, pregnancy, menopause). Provide booklets, encourage reading; discuss sexual issues when a medical condition is diagnosed, a new medication is started, and during pre- and postoperative periods; give permission for sexual experimentation. Enhance stimulation and eliminate routine Encourage use of erotic materials (videos, books); suggest masturbation to maximize familiarity with pleasurable sensations; encourage communication during sexual activity; recommend use of vibrators*; discuss varying positions, times of day or places; suggest making a "date" for sexual activity. Provide distraction techniques** Encourage erotic or nonerotic fantasy; recommend pelvic muscle contraction and relaxation (similar to Kegel exercise) exercises with intercourse; recommend use of background music, videos or television. Encourage noncoital behaviors*** Recommend sensual massage, sensate-focus exercises (sensual massage with no involvement of sexual areas, where one partner provides the massage and the receiving partner provides feedback as to what feels good; aimed to promote comfort and communication between partners); oral or noncoital stimulation, with or without orgasm. Minimize dyspareunia Superficial: female astride for control of penetration, topical lidocaine, warm baths before intercourse, biofeedback. Vaginal: same as for superficial dyspareunia but with the addition of lubricants. Deep: position changes so that force is away from pain and deep thrusts are minimized, nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs before intercourse.

NOTE: For a review, see Striar S, Bartlik B. Stimulation of the libido: the use of erotica in sex therapy. Psych Annals 1999;29:60-2. *--Provide information for obtaining one discreetly. **--Helpful in eliminating anxiety, increasing relaxation and diminishing spectatoring. ***--Also helpful if partner has erectile dysfunction.