What I Wish I'd Known Before My Wedding Night: Part I

A few people with winter weddings have requested some information on preparing for sex. There's only so much you can know before you actually do. But here are a few things you can do...

1. Learn about basic anatomy. Yours and his. It's better to know about anatomy before trying anything. For example, do you know what a clitoris is, where it's located and that it's often where stimulation is needed for many woman to orgasm. Does he? You both need to just learn some basic anatomy. It might not make sense until you see it all, but learn all that you can.


2. Learn about the sexual response cycle. You can see the post here. There are some very informative sketches for you visual learners. I've heard that for a lot of women arousal precedes desire and for men desire comes first. It's just good to know basic gender differences.


3. Use a dilator to stretch you vagina. This is just helpful for when penetration occurs later. You can often get a set of dilators from your family doctor or OB. They are basically just cylinders that gradually increase in size. You can buy a set of dilators online if you're too nervous to talk to your doctor. Make sure you get some lubricant to help them go in easier. This will also get you the chance to see if you're allergic to any lubes. Babeland has a wide variety if you need a place to get started.


4. If you are planning on doing any special grooming for the hair down there or other areas try it at least once before nearing your wedding. For example, I've known some girls that go in for the full Brazilian the day before they get married and end up being allergic to the wax and then sex was a nightmare the first few weeks because they're dealing with a rash.


5. Talk to your fiance about his expectations for your grooming. I know of a man that didn't know women had pubic hair and went and hid in the bathroom for a few hours after he saw his wife naked because he thought he had married a man. True story. (Again, see #1). Let him know your expectations as well. Also, make sure you clean down there. Unscented Baby wipes work great, but you can also just use a wet wash cloth. Sometimes, you can have a white-ish buildup around your clitoris and the other folds that will cause an odor.


6. Talk to your fiance about his expectations about lingerie. Is it sexy? Is it a waste of time? What do you think? My suggestion is to at least try it out. Most women find it empowering and helpful in boosting their libido.


7. Discuss what types of sex are desired and appropriate in your marriage. Manual stimulation? oral? anal? vaginal? How often do you plan to have sex? You may not want to form a concrete opinion, but it's good to discuss expectations.


8. Discuss the "what ifs". What if you're too tired- do you nap first? What if he prematurely ejaculates? She can't orgasm? Penetration is too painful or impossible? What are you going to do about these common situations? My advice is to go in with a sense of humor, relax and remember you have lots of time to learn and perfect it.


9. Discuss opinions on sex toys, vibrators and other props and objects. Do you want to start out with this or gradually introduce them or not have them at all?


10. Be healthy. Go to your OB for a premarital exam. Ask lots of questions. Make sure you're living a good lifestyle with healthy eating, exercise, rest and good hygiene.


11. Sex if meant to be fun and enjoyable for the man and the woman. If you think you might be suffering from The Good Girl Syndrome then you should do some reading, challenge those thoughts, talk to your fiance and work through it with a counselor if necessary.