Is this hint too bold for you, dear husband? Isn't this necklace from Simply Livly gorgeous?!
2.07.2011
2.05.2011
Sensate Focus: Levels 4 & 5
*To clarify, Level 4 is just penetration without any movement and stimulation afterward. Level 5 includes movement and continued stimulation, but stopping before orgasm. I posted both levels because I realize for some moving between these levels will happen quickly. Those who have difficulties with lubrication, tenseness, vaginismus, erectile dysfunction or other issues should move gradually between these levels.
Level 4: Penis inserted in Vagina
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 3. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? Is it safe to talk about touch? Are you anxious while discussing these exercises with your partner? What was it like to include genital touch without expecting intercourse? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 4.
Level 4 of sensate focus includes all previous levels and now he may insert his penis into your vagina. Some of you may feel like it is extremely difficult to do this without working to orgasm or fully having intercourse. Slowing it down helps you each tune into the experience. This step is particularly important for women who are having trouble staying aroused after insertion or having trouble lubricating and for men having erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
Which areas are more sensitive than others? Do you find you are aroused with some kinds of touch but not others? Do you find certain positions are more comfortable or stimulating? Do you find yourself tensing at any point? When? Is it easy for you to stay relaxed? Is there a certain order of touch that you prefer (foreplay) that you find more enjoyable? What happens if you do kegal exercises while his penis is inserted? Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Level 5: Intercourse excluding Orgasm
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 4. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? Is it safe to talk about touch? Are you anxious while discussing these exercises with your partner? What was it like to insert penis without expecting intercourse? Did you find you were more relaxed? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 5.
Level 5 of sensate focus includes all previous levels and now intercourse without orgasm. This may be really difficult. The goal is to help you both learn what is stimulating. Slowing it down helps you each tune into the experience.
Which areas are more sensitive than others? Are certain speeds more stimulating? Do you find you are aroused with some kinds of touch but not others? Do you find certain positions are more comfortable or stimulating? Do you find yourself tensing at any point? When? Is it easy for you to stay relaxed? Is there a certain order of touch that you prefer (foreplay) that you find more enjoyable? What happens if he uses his hand to stimulate your clitoris while having intercourse? What happens if you do kegal exercises while his penis is inserted? Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Possible Modifications (Bonus Points):
Don't talk to each other. Cue in to each other's body language to see what each partner enjoys.
Turn out the lights or close your eyes.
Engage other senses. Light a candle. Face each other. Wear perfume. Leave the lights on.
Focus on one body area each day.
Spend an hour giving each other massages
Tell your partner what you like in their touch.
Grab his/her hand and guide them instead of just telling them.
How's it going? Are the conversations awkward or relaxed?
Level 4: Penis inserted in Vagina
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 3. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? Is it safe to talk about touch? Are you anxious while discussing these exercises with your partner? What was it like to include genital touch without expecting intercourse? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 4.
Level 4 of sensate focus includes all previous levels and now he may insert his penis into your vagina. Some of you may feel like it is extremely difficult to do this without working to orgasm or fully having intercourse. Slowing it down helps you each tune into the experience. This step is particularly important for women who are having trouble staying aroused after insertion or having trouble lubricating and for men having erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
Which areas are more sensitive than others? Do you find you are aroused with some kinds of touch but not others? Do you find certain positions are more comfortable or stimulating? Do you find yourself tensing at any point? When? Is it easy for you to stay relaxed? Is there a certain order of touch that you prefer (foreplay) that you find more enjoyable? What happens if you do kegal exercises while his penis is inserted? Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Level 5: Intercourse excluding Orgasm
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 4. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? Is it safe to talk about touch? Are you anxious while discussing these exercises with your partner? What was it like to insert penis without expecting intercourse? Did you find you were more relaxed? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 5.
Level 5 of sensate focus includes all previous levels and now intercourse without orgasm. This may be really difficult. The goal is to help you both learn what is stimulating. Slowing it down helps you each tune into the experience.
Which areas are more sensitive than others? Are certain speeds more stimulating? Do you find you are aroused with some kinds of touch but not others? Do you find certain positions are more comfortable or stimulating? Do you find yourself tensing at any point? When? Is it easy for you to stay relaxed? Is there a certain order of touch that you prefer (foreplay) that you find more enjoyable? What happens if he uses his hand to stimulate your clitoris while having intercourse? What happens if you do kegal exercises while his penis is inserted? Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Possible Modifications (Bonus Points):
Don't talk to each other. Cue in to each other's body language to see what each partner enjoys.
Turn out the lights or close your eyes.
Engage other senses. Light a candle. Face each other. Wear perfume. Leave the lights on.
Focus on one body area each day.
Spend an hour giving each other massages
Tell your partner what you like in their touch.
Grab his/her hand and guide them instead of just telling them.
How's it going? Are the conversations awkward or relaxed?
2.02.2011
Ask the Audience: Sensate Focus
A few women are having trouble convincing their men to try the sensate focus challenge with them.
Have any of you talked your partners into trying sensate focus with you? What's worked?
Have any of you talked your partners into trying sensate focus with you? What's worked?
2.01.2011
Sensate Focus Challenge: Level 3
A few have asked for tips to improve their sex drive. Try sensate focus for a bit and I'll do a follow up post to answer this question more in detail. Sensate focus generally has a 75% success rate for increasing desire so give it a try.
Level 3: Nondemand Touch Including Breasts and Genitals
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 2. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? What was it like to have gentle touch without expecting intercourse? Is it safe to talk about touch? Are you anxious while discussing these exercises with your partner? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 3.
Level 3 of sensate focus includes more nondemand touching and caressing except now you may include breasts and genitals. Which areas are more sensitive than others? Do you find you are aroused with some kinds of touch but not others? Do you like oral or manual stimulation more? Do you find yourself tensing at any point? When? Is it easy for you to stay relaxed? Is it okay for your partner to just directly touch genitals or do you prefer touch in other ares first? You have a few choices here. You could explore by stimulating close to orgasm to figure out what is arousing for your partner. (If you want to veer a bit, you could stimulate to orgasm. If you’re experiencing any anxiety or nervousness or tenseness then do not include orgasm. Remember, orgasm is not the goal. These exercises are to increase sensitivity and intimacy.) Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Possible Modifications (Bonus Points):
Don't talk to each other. Cue in to each other's body language to see what each partner enjoys.
Turn out the lights or close your eyes.
Engage other senses. Light a candle. Face each other. Wear perfume. Leave the lights on.
Focus on one body area each day.
Spend an hour giving each other massages
Tell your partner what you like in their touch.
Grab his/her hand and guide them instead of just telling them.
How's it going? Do you find that you are having a hard time staying tuned in? Is it difficult to do nondemand touch without intercourse?
1.31.2011
Valentine's Day Gift Guide at Babeland
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click here to view the post.
1.28.2011
Sensate Focus Challenge: Level 2
Somebody asked how long it takes to see benefits from practicing sensate focus.
The key is to only move on to the next level once both partner's feel full comfortable and have discovered what feels best for them and their partner. I recommend at least a couple days at each level for you and your partner to fully reap at least some great benefits. You need to learn how to cue in to your own body and what feels good, but you should also be paying attention to your partner. It can also be beneficial to practice sensate focus (or at least nondemand touch) every once and a while for a day or two throughout the course of your relationship.
Level 2: Nondemand Touching and Caressing Including Breasts
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 1. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? What was it like to have gentle touch without expecting intercourse? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 2.
Level 2 of sensate focus includes more nondemand touching and caressing except now you may include breasts. Which areas of the breast are more sensitive than others? Do you find you are aroused? Do you find that you enjoy nondemand intimacy? Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Possible Modifications (Bonus Points):
Don't talk to each other. Cue in to each other's body language to see what each partner enjoys.
Turn out the lights or close your eyes.
Engage other senses. Light a candle. Face each other. Wear perfume.
Focus on one body area each day.
Spend an hour giving each other massages
Tell your partner what you like in their touch.
Grab his/her hand and guide them instead of just telling them.
The key is to only move on to the next level once both partner's feel full comfortable and have discovered what feels best for them and their partner. I recommend at least a couple days at each level for you and your partner to fully reap at least some great benefits. You need to learn how to cue in to your own body and what feels good, but you should also be paying attention to your partner. It can also be beneficial to practice sensate focus (or at least nondemand touch) every once and a while for a day or two throughout the course of your relationship.
Level 2: Nondemand Touching and Caressing Including Breasts
Check in with your partner regarding each other’s level of comfort with Level 1. Talk to each other. Did you learn anything new? What was it like to give feedback to your partner and tell them what your preferences were with how they touched you? What was it like to tune in to your partner’s body language and sense what they wanted? What was it like to have gentle touch without expecting intercourse? Once you have discussed your experience and both express comfort, you are ready for Level 2.
Level 2 of sensate focus includes more nondemand touching and caressing except now you may include breasts. Which areas of the breast are more sensitive than others? Do you find you are aroused? Do you find that you enjoy nondemand intimacy? Find out what you like and don’t like and help your partner to understand. The relationship has to be safe for this to be effective. Be open, honest and loving.
Possible Modifications (Bonus Points):
Don't talk to each other. Cue in to each other's body language to see what each partner enjoys.
Turn out the lights or close your eyes.
Engage other senses. Light a candle. Face each other. Wear perfume.
Focus on one body area each day.
Spend an hour giving each other massages
Tell your partner what you like in their touch.
Grab his/her hand and guide them instead of just telling them.
How’s it going so far? Questions? Comments? Concerns?
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