Avoiding the Fate of Jon and Kate Plus 8

I know, I know, I'm totally behind the times. The break up of Jon and Kate was eons ago. But I was watching Kate Plus 8 the other night and just kept thinking how sad the whole situation was. What happened really? Did the kids get in the way? Were the just selfish people? I honestly don't read enough tabloids to know the details. But I do know that children can cause stress and chaos. With the kids being home for the summer, I'm sure a few of you are already wishing for September!

Here are a few ideas I've been pondering:

• DATE! Go on dates with your husband! You need the time alone and chances are, the kids will be grateful too!
• Dedicate at least 15 minutes of focused time to your kids so they won't feel sad when you sneak into the bedroom for 15 minutes with your man ;)
• Don't give up. There are seasons of life. Try to look past the diapers and late night feedings. Someday you'll be empty nesters and have him all to yourself.

Do you find that your marriage struggles when the kids struggle? What do you do to stay positive with your spouse when all you want to do is send the kids to boarding school? How do you plan on avoiding the fate of Jon and Kate?

Interdependence

A while ago I wrote a blog post called, Marriage Isn't. The post says, "Marriage isn't finding the right person, it's being the right person."

I received this comment the other day and felt compelled to post about it.

Anonymous said...

So what if you discover after marriage that you are independent and he is needy and suffocating?

September 20, 2010 3:48 PM

Through this simple question, I saw a marriage in pain. I may be wrong, but I see a husband who is begging his wife to love him. I see a woman who has lost her sweetness. I predict that sexual encounters are few and far between.

For the solution I would recommend Anonymous turn back to the post; be the right person. You can only control your own response and actions. Love him. Love him in word. Compliment him. Make him feel like a man. Tell him how much you appreciate him. Love him in action. Don't turn cold when circumstances may lead to sex. Choose to humble yourself. Let your 'independent' guard down. If he is acting needy then he must need something and that something is probably love. What better way is there to show love than by marital intimacy?

Independence is a highly admirable trait. I believe every woman should be strong and self sufficient. But marriage is about interdependence, two or more people or things dependent on each other (not to be mistaken for being needy.)

Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they won't be good leaders or team players. They're not coming from the paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality.

Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, 1989

We must learn to look to ourselves for change. I encourage you to discuss this concept with your husband. Tell him that you have decided to look at your own actions for fault and change in times of contention or frustration. Then, do it. Remember that you are a team. You are on the same side.