Adding a Little Variety

• See how many days in a row you can have sex. And how many times you can have sex in just one day.
• Let him bring you to orgasm as many times as he wants.
  
• Have secret words so you can imply what you want in front of the kids (e.g. ice cream=sex).
  
• Have slow sex. See how long you can go before climax.
  
• Have gentle sex.
  
• Have a quickie.
  
• Have rougher sex.
• Get a hotel for a weekend and stay in the room all day.
  
• Don't wear underwear under your clothing. This may work better-or at least feel more comfortable-with a dress or a skirt.
  
• Do a strip tease. Wear layers. A shirt and a shirt with buttons is a good idea. Wear sheer fabrics. Almost show something, show it quickly and cover it before uncovering it. You can touch him, but he can't touch you.
  
• Wear some sexy heels or cowboy boots during your encounter.
• Play some sex games. Get some dice, play strip poker, twister, wear the twister mat and use it. Do a search for sex games.
  
• Have sex with all of the lights on.
• Try new oils and lubricants.
  
• Look up new sex positions and try them out.
• Have sex in new places- the kitchen, the living room, shower, outside, the car etc. (Remember privacy and obscenity laws, though.)
  
• Get a copy of the Kama Sutra and learn more about the Eastern perspective on sexuality.
• Use sexual toys. There are so many things out there beyond the standard vibrators, rings, sleeves, furniture to help get in a better position, pheromone enhancers etc. Take a look. Do your research.
  
• Engage in mutual masturbation. Either stimulate yourself in front of your partner or guide him to what feels good to you.
• Be verbal when you have sex. Tell him what feels good, better and best (and not so good if necessary).
  
• So some role play. Recreate a first date or wedding night. Flirt, tease and have some fun. Try some sexy costumes when you role play if you'd like.
  
• Take boudoir pictures. Hide them around for him to find or give him a photo book.
  
• Take erotic pictures of each other. (Any good ideas of how to keep them away from children and others?)
• Share your sexual fantasies with each other. Everybody has fantasies. You can go a step further and see if you can fulfill them in any way.
• Keep eye contact throughout the entire sexual experience- especially during orgasm when you naturally want to close your eyes. This could be one of the most intimate moments you've shared.
  

Shy Erotica

This list includes more mild forms of erotica and romance that you could use in your relationship.

• Reminisce about how you fell in love. Tell him what you loved/love about him.
  
• Public Displays of Affection. Hold hands, rub his back, play with his hair, nibble his ear, kiss etc.
  
• Try to inconspicuously rub or grab his butt (or other things) while out.
  
• Have a make out session. Better yet, make out somewhere outside of your home.
  
• Write love notes on the shower wall.
• Get dressed in front of your husband in the morning. Ask him to help you put your bra on.
  
• Plan a relaxing night in. Send the kids away.
• Get out for a couples massage.
• Massage each other at home.
• Send him out on a mission to choose some lingerie for you.
• Go buy lingerie together.
• Wear lingerie out on your date under your clothing and subtly give him a little sneak peek for when you get back home.
• Do the housework in lingerie. Change in to your lingerie before he gets home from work.
  
• Watch a romantic movie together.
• Read a romantic book or poetry.
  
• Do Sensate Focus.
• Compile sensual music that gets you both in the mood.
  
• Incorporate food (e.g. strawberries, whipped cream, honey)
• Light some scented candles. Scents such as jasmine, lavender, and ylang ylang are said to be aphrodisiacs, but do your research.
  
• Write love notes in emails or texts. Talk dirty.
• Meet for your lunch break at home.
• Take control of a sexual encounter.
  

I'm working on another list with some ideas that may require a bit more bravery and higher comfort level, but I thought I'd start by sharing this one.

What other suggestions do you have?

Erotica vs. Pornography

Keep the comments coming on the last post. The discussion has been very interesting to look through and I'm impressed with the respect shown in most comments.

In my mind, there is a difference between erotica and pornography. I will share my opinions on both realizing that you may not necessarily agree.

Erotica can be defined as literature or art dealing with sexual love.

Pornography is the depiction of erotic behavior intended to cause sexual arousal.

Some have written me asking if I would recommend erotica in their marriage, but I think they're really asking me about viewing pornography together.

Your definitions may be different from mine. I think movies with a passionate kiss or sexual tension (e.g. Pride and Prejudice), songs, poems and many pieces of art are erotica. Pornography, to me, leaves nothing to be wanted- it's all right there in front of you. It's sole intent is to be sexually arousing. Erotica may have a side effect of being sexually exciting to some, but it's not the sole purpose. Another interesting thing about pornography, is that people don't usually want to broadcast their use or viewing of pornography and many do it in private (Notice all of the anonymous comments in the Pornography post).

There can be wholesome connecting forms of erotica and others that cross the line into pornography. The line is becoming increasingly blurred. It likely varies between couples and individuals what falls where.

Some questions that might be helpful to ask yourself and your spouse to determine if material is appropriate in your relationship could include: Is this material demeaning, objectifying or uncomfortable? Is the sole purpose of this to be sexually arousing? Do my partner and I both feel comfortable? If we differ in our opinion- why?

There was recently an article in Psychology Today where the author explains his distinction between erotica and pornography. He articulates his ideas much better than me and I agree with most of what he says.