Pregnancy -- Part I

Pregnancy can and will introduce a lot of new issues into marriage, intimacy and life in general.

Whether your pregnancy was planned or unplanned, your baby will start impacting your marriage in ways you never realized. The hormonal fluctuations and other symptoms begin as soon as pregnancy begins!

Some changes you might notice may include breast tenderness, fatigue, nausea and vomiting, frequent urination, headaches and body aches. These make life a little more interesting. For example, you may have once been the woman running around always full of energy- working, cooking, cleaning, participating in the community and having great, energetic sex every other day. Now, you may have to cut back in some areas.

My advice to you: cut back where it will hurt you and your relationship the least in the long-run.

Another thing that may occur is your husband becoming very protective of you regardless of symptoms you may or may not be experiencing. He may demand that he take over all of your previous roles and worry about having sex with you and "hurting" the baby. Communicate well with your partner. Tell him what you need and appreciate, but also let him take care of you if he really wants to. Give and take. Pregnancy is a great time to work on perfecting communication- it will be much harder once the baby comes.

Tips for surviving early pregnancy:
  • Nurture your relationship with your husband. Make sure you're still engaging in daily conversation- even if it's just between napping sessions. Keep track of times when you have more energy and feel better and try to schedule couple time to coincide. 
  • You may not have the energy for sex like you once did, but find other ways to introduce romance. Encourage him to do the same. 
  • Get as much rest as possible. Listen to what your body needs and do it.
  • Learn when to say no. You don't have to have a 100% clean house with dinner made every night and fulfill every single obligation you once had. Relationships are more important than things and tasks.
  • Find foods that you can stand and will give you good energy. If you're having food aversions and nausea then you really need to make what you eat count.
  • If you are incredibly nauseous, seek help. There are now amazing tips, tricks, vitamins and prescriptions that can help ease the symptoms of morning sickness. Life just isn't as enjoyable if nausea is always hanging over your head.
  • Don't use pregnancy as an excuse to avoid having sex. Unless instructed by your doctor (e.g. high risk pregnancy) sex is totally safe and encouraged. If certain areas are more sensitive or reacting differently than they used to, tell your partner and adjust as necessary, but you should still be able to enjoy sex.
  • The first trimester is generally a time of lower than normal sex drive. The good news is you can still usually get in the mood even if it takes a little bit longer and your libido should go up again during the second trimester (around 12-14 weeks).
  • Realize that pregnancy is an amazing and beautiful experience! Make sure your husband realizes it, too. You may not feel like you have a glow when your head is shoved in the toilet bowl, but realize that you have been blessed with a great gift. Female bodies are so beautiful and amazing in their ability to hold and sustain life. Be grateful. 
  • Husbands, make sure you are telling her how beautiful and wonderful it is that she is carrying your offspring. You'll need to remind her often and sometimes you'll feel like your words are falling on deaf ears, but it will pay off.
What helped you survive early pregnancy?

Please comment with questions and/or comments regarding pregnancy that you want to see addressed.


  1. Thank you for posting this. I am currently pregnant with my 4th child. I have been so sick this pregnancy, I was never sick with my others. I have seen the Dr. and nothing they give me or have told me to take helps. My house just keeps getting messier and messier and my husband is getting very upset with me. I tell him that I do what I can whenever possible, but taking care of the kids we do have and being so sick already has me spent by mid morning. I feel like he isn't being very supportive. It is really upsetting me. His expectations are so high and I feel like I could never come close to what he demands right now. He keeps telling me that other pregnant ladies work full time while they are pregnant or he compares me to his brother's wife who doesn't even get heart burn during her pregnancies. Sex has pretty much been out of the question lately and honestly when he is being so uncaring and mean, that is the last thing I want to do. Any advice on what to do in this situation would be great!

  2. That sounds so difficult! Pregnancy and sickness is really hard for men to understand because they never experience it. I'm so sorry you're not receiving more empathy and understanding from your husband!
    I would suggest talking to him about how you feel like you are doing the best you possibly can. Maybe, explain to him all that you accomplish during the day step by step. But try not to make it seem like a competition of who's doing more. Tell him that you would really like more support and understanding and try to understand where he is coming from as well. He hasn't seen you sick before through a pregnancy and is probably having a really hard time understanding and being patient. It's not fair for him to compare you to other women.
    I took Zofran through my last pregnancy and it barely helped me get through the day for the first 22 weeks- I still puked and spent a lot of time on the couch sleeping. I can't imagine feeling ill while already having 3 children to chase around.
    My other advice to you is to take some time for yourself. Take a break from the kids and the house and get away with some girlfriends for a bit or go visit a spa. Stress can really add to some of the symptoms you may experiencing and add toward the resentment toward your husband.
    Keep us updated. I wish you the best!

  3. Do you know if vibrators or dildos are ok to use during pregnancy?

  4. From my understanding, as long as you okayed for vaginal intercourse (e.g. not high-risk pregnancy, placenta previa etc.) you can use a vibrator or dildo during pregnancy.
    Be really careful about making sure everything is really clean. And be especially careful if you're using anything for penetration because you don't want to rupture anything. Plastic can be a bit more stiff and make it difficult to judge how deep it's going.

  5. could you add a section to this pregnancy series about the "fourth trimester" or returning to intimacy after having the baby? all i've ever heard is that you have to wait 6 weeks...



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