During the "Fourth" Trimester

You now know a bit about personal care, intimacy and sex positions during pregnancy (see here) But what about after the baby?

I don't know about you, but I didn't really hear much about how your body recovers and how a sex life can continue post-pregnancy.

First off, let's just talk logistics.

You have a newborn baby which likely means....

• You aren't getting very much sleep
• The sleep you do get is in short spurts
• You rarely have time to shower and take care of yourself
• Your breasts have now taken on a whole new purpose and are more sensitive than you ever thought they would be
• Your breasts will hurt. Breastfeeding is hard and takes a while to get used to.
• You will likely have a really heavy period that lasts 2-6 weeks
• Your crotch will be a mess. You may have torn or had an episiotomy.
• You will be terrified to squat on the pot and poop.
• Not only will you be terrified to use the restroom, you might be a wee bit scared to let anything in that general area as well
• You will still have pregnancy fat for a while. It took 9 months to put on and will probably take that long to get off.
• You will be on an emotional roller coaster. You thought pregnancy was bad? Just wait. You could end up being a constant fountain of tears.
• Birth control could be difficult to figure out after having a baby. There are a variety of options. Make sure you talk to your health care provider. And yes, you can become pregnant right after having a baby even if you're breastfeeding.
• Most health care providers suggest not having sex for 6 weeks after the birthing process
• You will be worried about your baby and find it difficult to have an entire conversation with your husband
• ..... and the list could go on and on.

Having a baby is just hard! It's hard emotionally, physically, mentally and relationally.

If you have any, some or most of the typical baby adjustments going on, it could be hard to even have time to think about sex or even some quiet romance between you and your husband.

Let me tell you this little secret... If you have a good relationship with your husband, parenting will be so much easier than if you don't. Nourish the relationship you have with your spouse. Get out on dates. Make time for each other. Don't neglect each other. Communicate. That is my best advice for sex during the fourth trimester. Make each other a priority. Don't make the baby the only focus of your life and push your husband to the back burner. He will help out more and having a baby will be more manageable as you remember to include him in your life.

Husbands have a tough role during the fourth trimester. They don't quite know what you're going through and are trying their best to adjust to fatherhood and continue being supportive of your role as a mother. Be kind to your spouse.

A few other tips I have for you...

• If your doctor strongly recommends you wait 6 weeks, wait 6 weeks. You don't want to risk a tear or infection. There are other ways to satisfy both you and him.
• Take it slow when you have sex again post-baby. Basically, it will be like it's your first time again. Relax. Use lube. It's common for there to be some dryness with all of the hormone changes. You may also notice you aren't as tight anymore. Do some kegels. Take control of your encounter. If you had a c-section, your abs will likely hurt a lot so just take it slow. You don't want to hurt yourself.
• You will be interrupted by a crying baby. It's just a matter of when. Men tend to react physically more to this than women at times. I heard some people that called their baby crying the "penis alarm" because they would inevitably be interrupted and the man would lose his erection. It just happens. Laugh it off and resume later.
• Visit a lactation specialist to get help breastfeeding. It should only hurt for a few weeks. If it's still hurting, just go get some feedback. Breastfeeding also helps you burn the baby fat faster than working out and helps your uterus shrink back. Once you get breastfeeding down, it will be easier for you to realize that breasts can be for fun and function. Lanolin works wonders.
• Shower, get dressed and take good care of yourself. You will be more in the mood when you are well taken care of. Find some lingerie that you feel good in. Lace does wonders for stretch marks...
• Don't get all caught up in your stretch marks, baggy skin, the fact you can't fit in your pre-pregnancy pants etc. You just birthed a baby! Your husband is likely thrilled that you carried that baby and happy to have the baby around. He doesn't care that your body is changed and neither should you.
• Track when the baby tends to sleep and plan a little bedroom retreat during a nap time. Your hormones will be a bit crazy and having sex usually tends to make you feel a bit better and like you can deal with life again or if you're highly anxious and having trouble sleeping, maybe it will make you sleepy.
• Accept other people's offers to help and watch the baby a bit- even if it's just for an hour nap for yourself or for a free meal. Don't feel like you have to do everything perfectly as a new mom. Nobody actually does everything on their Pinterest Board.

What helped get you through the fourth trimester?

What questions do you have about after delivery?

Pregnancy -- Sex Positions

The third trimester of pregnancy may seem to last forever. If you haven't been uncomfortable during pregnancy yet, you probably will experience some odd body changes during the final trimester that make everything a bit more difficult... or at least different.

Sex can be difficult to figure out because your body is changing and more sensitive. Plus, it's like you're making love around a basketball and that just sounds difficult-right?!

Sex Positions During Pregnancy (more here)
Women on Top/ Cowgirl- woman sitting practically upright on top
Reverse Cowgirl- woman sitting on top facing toward his feet
The New Missionary Position- woman on her back with legs drawn in. If you are past the first trimester make sure that you prop yourself up at an angle with some pillows and don't lie flat.
Side by Side- facing each other (can be difficult if you have a big bump). You may need to pull in a leg or throw a leg on top of him.
Spooning- he enters from behind you while laying on your side
Sitting- man's sitting down in chair or on side of bed and woman sits on top
Sitting- women sitting on edge of bed/chair with man kneeling
Rear Entry- you can do this in the shower or against a wall or with woman laying on her stomach or have her on all fours

What's your favorite position while pregnant?

Pregnancy -- Part II

The second trimester of pregnancy generally means a bit more energy, more libido and no more morning sickness! I feel like this is the actual glowing stage of pregnancy.

You'll start to notice your belly sticking out more and people will actually start to realize you're pregnant instead of just putting on some belly fat.

Pregnancy means more blood flow to your pelvic area so some women find sex very enjoyable and pleasurable- even if they didn't before. Some women find that they orgasm easier during pregnancy, too. Your breasts will also be more sensitive and more easily aroused.

Hip pain typically starts around the second trimester so if you are noticing that, try to take it easy and make sure you're stretching and doing some Yoga. Even if you're not normally a yoga person, just try it during your pregnancy if you're having pain and stiffness.

As far as vibrators and other toys go, you can use them as long as you are not high-risk and have the okay from your OB for vaginal intercourse. Be especially careful that anything you introduce to your body is cleaned well. If you are using anything for penetration, be especially careful that you don't push anything in too deep because you can risk rupturing the placenta and experiencing a lot of pain.

Body image can be hard for a lot of women during pregnancy so try to focus on all of the positives. You are growing a baby inside of you! You also have the added benefit of long, thick beautiful hair, longer nails, glowing skin and larger, firmer breasts. You may be afraid that your man doesn't appreciate your new larger body, but chances are that he is loving your new curves. If you're having a hard time feeling beautiful make sure you take to your partner about it. The right underwear can be so helpful in making you feel better. Make sure you get a bra that fits- you may need to change your bra size a couple times during the months throughout your pregnancy, but it's so worth it. Another helper is making sure that you are wearing clothes that actually fit. Don't torture yourself into thinking you should still fit into your pre-pregnancy clothing! Splurge on a few nice pregnancy clothes that make you feel great. You can even justify by saying it's an investment and plan to use it for pregnancies in your future.

Do you have a favorite trimester?

Did your libido go up at all during your pregnancy?

Pregnancy -- Part I

Pregnancy can and will introduce a lot of new issues into marriage, intimacy and life in general.

Whether your pregnancy was planned or unplanned, your baby will start impacting your marriage in ways you never realized. The hormonal fluctuations and other symptoms begin as soon as pregnancy begins!

Some changes you might notice may include breast tenderness, fatigue, nausea and vomiting, frequent urination, headaches and body aches. These make life a little more interesting. For example, you may have once been the woman running around always full of energy- working, cooking, cleaning, participating in the community and having great, energetic sex every other day. Now, you may have to cut back in some areas.

My advice to you: cut back where it will hurt you and your relationship the least in the long-run.

Another thing that may occur is your husband becoming very protective of you regardless of symptoms you may or may not be experiencing. He may demand that he take over all of your previous roles and worry about having sex with you and "hurting" the baby. Communicate well with your partner. Tell him what you need and appreciate, but also let him take care of you if he really wants to. Give and take. Pregnancy is a great time to work on perfecting communication- it will be much harder once the baby comes.

Tips for surviving early pregnancy:

• Nurture your relationship with your husband. Make sure you're still engaging in daily conversation- even if it's just between napping sessions. Keep track of times when you have more energy and feel better and try to schedule couple time to coincide. 
• You may not have the energy for sex like you once did, but find other ways to introduce romance. Encourage him to do the same. 
• Get as much rest as possible. Listen to what your body needs and do it.
• Learn when to say no. You don't have to have a 100% clean house with dinner made every night and fulfill every single obligation you once had. Relationships are more important than things and tasks.
• Find foods that you can stand and will give you good energy. If you're having food aversions and nausea then you really need to make what you eat count.
• If you are incredibly nauseous, seek help. There are now amazing tips, tricks, vitamins and prescriptions that can help ease the symptoms of morning sickness. Life just isn't as enjoyable if nausea is always hanging over your head.
• Don't use pregnancy as an excuse to avoid having sex. Unless instructed by your doctor (e.g. high risk pregnancy) sex is totally safe and encouraged. If certain areas are more sensitive or reacting differently than they used to, tell your partner and adjust as necessary, but you should still be able to enjoy sex.
• The first trimester is generally a time of lower than normal sex drive. The good news is you can still usually get in the mood even if it takes a little bit longer and your libido should go up again during the second trimester (around 12-14 weeks).
• Realize that pregnancy is an amazing and beautiful experience! Make sure your husband realizes it, too. You may not feel like you have a glow when your head is shoved in the toilet bowl, but realize that you have been blessed with a great gift. Female bodies are so beautiful and amazing in their ability to hold and sustain life. Be grateful. 
• Husbands, make sure you are telling her how beautiful and wonderful it is that she is carrying your offspring. You'll need to remind her often and sometimes you'll feel like your words are falling on deaf ears, but it will pay off.

What helped you survive early pregnancy?

Please comment with questions and/or comments regarding pregnancy that you want to see addressed.

GIVEAWAY -- Hold on to Me

I'm so excited that Babeland is sponsoring a giveaway of Hold on to Me Kegal Spheres!

These are wonderful, multi-purpose spheres to have around. Having strong PC muscles helps with so many things! Your ability to control and intensify your own orgasm PLUS enhance your partner's experience goes up a ton with stronger PC muscles. You could even use them alone to help warm yourself up and get in the mood for your partner.

Some general wellness benefits include more bladder control as well as preparing you to have more control during childbirth. These spheres are small and inconspicuous. There's a little vibration from the sphere as it moves around inside of you and you can increase the weight or have two spheres attached. They are completely comfortable and body safe as well.

Here's what Babeland has to say about them:
Keep vaginal muscles toned with the Hold On to Me kegel spheres, part of the Bedroom Kandi line created by Kandi Burruss from Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” Whether you want to strengthen your PC muscles to intensify orgasms, grip your partner more tightly during intercourse, improve your childbirth experience, or maximize bladder control, these spheres can help do the trick. The spheres come in four graduated weights; users can start with the lighter weights and gradually increase weight as they get stronger.

Fill out the entry form below: If you have trouble viewing or submitting this form, you can fill it out online: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dEFNd054cklGb0t4SjhUNkhQVDJDTkE6MQ

Getting Pregnant

I once had a friend tell me that baby-making sex was the best sex she'd ever had. I've heard many women say that baby-making sex is the first time in their sex life where they feel like that can take control and really enjoy it.

We took a little while to get pregnant with our first baby so sex became a bit of a roller coaster for us. I finally decided to educate myself a bit more and read Taking Charge of Your Fertility
and I highly recommend it.

Here are some of the things I learned:

1. Most (not all) women ovulate 14 days before their period. It's not after ending your period. Ovulation may vary month to month for the same woman.
2. There are usually many variations in basal body temperature (BBT) throughout the month. A spike of about .4-.6 degrees usually signifies ovulation. Once your temperature has risen it means you have ovulated; it doesn’t mean that you’re about to ovulate. BBT varies between people. Take your temperature at the same time every day. Do it after having 5 hours of sleep so it’s a resting BBT. BBT is affected by stress, sickness etc.
3. Your cervix changes position throughout your cycle. It can be low, raised, open, soft, hard etc. Generally a high, open, soft cervix is indicative that ovulation is about to occur.
4. Your cervical mucus changes throughout your cycle. It can be sticky, thick, wet, flaky, dry, yellow, clear, opaque, nonexistent etc. Generally, mucus about the consistency of egg whites (thin, stretchy, clear) is indicative of ovulation. A woman’s fertile phase only lasts as long as she has fertile cervical mucus.
5. Tracking BBT, cervical position and cervical mucus together can be the most helpful in determining ovulation.
6. Sperm can survive in fertile (egg white consistency) cervical mucus for up to 5 days. This is longer than it will survive at any other time in your cycle.
7. A woman’s egg can only live up to 24 hours.
8. It’s okay to go to your doctor even if you have been trying to get pregnant for less than a year if you’ve been monitoring your body well (BBT, cervical mucus and cervical position) and have some knowledge of what’s going on. It will help the doctors have a better picture of what's going on. If you haven't been monitoring these, it's suggested that you wait until a year before seeking fertility help from a doctor.
   
9. Conception actually occurs in the outer third of the fallopian tubes, not in the uterus. The sperm meets the egg in the fallopian tubes and they start to multiply into many cells and then go and implant on the uterine wall.
10. Both men and women can have problems that cause infertility. About 1/3 of fertility problems are caused by women and another 1/3 by men and the other 1/3 are a combined reaction or unknown. Still, fertility should be thought of as a couple issue. Do not blame one of the partners!

That's a lot to keep track of, but I believe that anticipation can help both you and your partner. Sometimes, planned sex can be nice. Maybe, lay out your lingerie on the bed for your hubby to see so he'll know what he has a lot to look forward to at the end of the day.

Sex has the potential to become a bit stressful if you're taking a while to get pregnant, but remember that whether you make a baby that time or not to still enjoy the experience with your partner!