Masturbation to Boost Your Libido

Masturbation can be a great tool in boosting your desire and enjoyment during sex. As our guest post mentioned, it has greatly enhanced her desire and intimacy with her husband. We've featured a couple other posts about masturbation as well and some of the readers comments on these have been wonderful. If you're struggling with a low libido or struggling to orgasm, masturbation is one tool you could possibly use.

32% of our readers that have participated in our poll on the sidebar either said "Ewww! You said the M word" or "I wouldn't know how".

Masturbation can occur in a variety of settings. You can masturbate alone or take part in what's referred to in the therapy field as "mutual masturbation". This means that you can direct your partner to do what feels comfortable to you either by word or by moving his hand or you can both masturbate together, but separately.

I firmly believe that every woman should be aware of her anatomy as a starting point. If you were the kind of girl to never look at that page in your health book of anatomy and grew squeamish at the thought of sex ed, then you really, really need to check out the link above. Please know about your clitoris and where it is. Did you know there are more nerve endings on a clitoris than a penis? Woman: An Intimate Geography is a great book to become familiar with your body and instill in you some pride about being a woman.

Once you have the understanding of your anatomy, learn about the sexual response cycle and how it typically works for a female. Some parts may feel uncomfortable or weird. It's normal to lubricate, it's normal to feel tense, some women even feel like they are about to pee. Just know the stages and don't freak out about your body's natural reaction. The SRC is a very natural part of life.

If you're going to try masturbating, you can include your partner or do it on your own. Whatever you choose, just make sure you feel comfortable and relaxed. You can use a vibrator if you'd like or you could also use your partner and/or yourself for stimulation. Some say that a vibrator is the best way to go at first while others argue that it's way too powerful and difficult to not have that control. Just go with what feels best to you. You may want lubricant nearby if you don't lubricate well. You could also try just going over your underwear and not touching directly. There's no right or wrong way.

Your mind is a very powerful tool so use it! Often women are more psychologically aroused by romance and other kind gestures, but women can also be aroused by things they see or fantasize about as well. Use whatever works for you in the moment.

Some tips:

• Allow yourself to relax and unwind.
• Be in a place that is peaceful to you. Some have suggested a bath or shower or bed.
• Be in a comfortable position. Many women suggest lying on their stomach or on their back.
• Use your mind, let go and fantasize a bit. Fantasies can include your husband- it doesn't have to be some elaborate fetish or situation. Wherever your mind brings you. Just let it in and go with it.
• Add a little variety to your sex life throughout the day to keep it on your mind. 
• Here's another list of ideas to add variety and spice things up.
• Allow yourself to see what feels best to you. Guide your partner. Be direct with him. Try sensate focus over a period of a couple days or weeks.
• Figure out what gets you in the mood. If you're watching a movie or reading a book and feel a bit turned on, hold on to that feeling. What did you like about it?
• Babeland sells some "Best of Erotica" Books to get you in the mood that readers have raved about. For Yourself : The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality is another book one of our readers suggested.

If you need are in dire need of some direct instruction and how-to, a reader left some tips on a previous post in a comment that she got from another Christian Marriage Site.

What tips would you share for those wanting to try it out?

Babeland: Save Up to 20% PLUS Gift with Purchase

dulce de leche, mojito peppermint, pomegranate vanilla, and chocolate orange

Now through February 13th, you will save up to 20% on some of Babeland's holiday and disco items.

Plus, 20% Off on all Jimmyjane products - ends Sunday. 

And, through Monday, February 11th, customers can receive a free special gift (Bondage in a Box Kit) with their purchase of $99+. Use code TIEDUP at checkout.

Guest Post: Taking Matters Into My Own Hands

Let me start by saying that my husband and I have always had a great sex life, but along the way we’ve learned that we can always use improvement in order to make our sex life even more fun and exciting. After nearly 10 years of marriage and two kids later, I can say something that I never thought I’d say  - masturbation has greatly improved our sex life.

I must preface this by saying that masturbation is relatively new for me. I didn’t masturbate growing up, and in our early years of marriage, I didn’t give it any consideration. My husband had a regular habit of masturbating (of course!) and when we were engaged, he wanted me to get a vibrator in hopes that I would start my own habit of masturbating. So I purchased a vibrator. Not for myself but for him, and I still remember how unattractive it was. It was big, pink and just plain ugly. Needless to say its services were never put to use. 

Fast-forward a few years. After having our first child, we revisited the vibrator topic. As you know, intercourse is out of the question both physically and mentally for those first few postpartum weeks, but once the romance starts to return and the sex drive is heating back up, let’s face it, sex is still not that great. About four weeks after our first child, I was ready to go, but sex was often uncomfortable and even painful at times.

As a result, we went on the search for a new sexier vibrator, but this time it was me who wanted it; I wasn’t simply doing it for my husband. It was the best purchase we have ever made for our sex life, and it allowed me to see for the first time that sex toys can be sexy, fun, and very beneficial.

I am still not one to regularly masturbate alone, but I love doing it in conjunction with my husband. There are many occasions where neither of us feels like having sex, but the thought of only masturbating seems very appealing. No need to find the right position or worry about having enough time. It is fast, easy, and effective.

We masturbate together about twice a week, and it has improved our sex life in more ways than one. I have learned so much about my body through masturbation, including how to better use fantasy, how to have multiple orgasms, and how to better identify G-spot vs. clitoral orgasms. There is something empowering about taking my sexual needs into my own hands, literally.

As I look back, maybe I should have given that big, ugly vibrator a chance!

Check out the vibrator selection at Babeland! They even have a section for beginners! There are also some couple vibrators, mini, discreet and a whole bunch of other categories. The Hitachi Magic Wand is always a favorite as is the Siri if you need a place to start.

If you want a bit more guidance to self lovin check out this book.

Valentine's Day: A Guide to Lingerie

Valentine's Day is a great opportunity to get a new outfit for the bedroom- especially if you haven't added to your collection in a while or are just needing to start.

If you're skeptical about lingerie, here are some great reasons to try it out:

• It can help get you in the mood
• It helps increase the anticipation
• It helps increase desire
• You can feel sexy
• It adds a little variety
• It will get him more excited
• You can feel beautiful
• You can feel "dressed up"

If you're thinking, but I'm not one of those tiny girls with huge boobs that should wear lingerie, then get that thought out of your head. Those girls are very few and far between. Your husband married YOU. Your husband is attracted to YOU. YOU need to show that you love and appreciate your body how it is. YOU need to take control and give yourself some positive messages about how you look. Embrace the Muffin Top (we all have)!  Plus size women still look sexy and can order lingerie. Be daring and try some out!

I've been ordering most of my lingerie through Yandy for a couple years now. I love them because it is good quality, inexpensive and usually take about 3 days for it to arrive at my house and their return policy is great if something doesn't work out.

If you're having a difficult time knowing where to start, here are some descriptions and links to help you out.

BUSTIER

$9.95
NOTE: Yandy usually includes the garters, underwear and stockings

• Intended to accentuate curves.
• May have a little extra help and support in the bust line
• Tend to push the breasts up and together to create cleavage
• Note: May take a bit of time to get adjusted and sized once you receive it
• Prices start at $7.95

CORSET

$23.95

• Intended to give a smooth line
• Cinch in the waistline to suck in the tummy
• Note: May take a bit of time to get adjusted and sized once you receive it

BABYDOLL

$35.95

• Flowing and feminine
• Open over stomach
• Some have supportive underwire, others don't
• I think these are great for when you're pregnant and your belly just needs space, but you still want to feel dressed up
• Prices start at $4.95 at Yandy

CHEMISE

$19.95

• No buttons, snaps, velcro or zippers. Easy on. Easy off.
• Looks like a very short dress or long shirt
• Can be fitted or loose at the waist
• Usually a delicate fabric
• Great if you're a bit self-conscious of your mid-section
• There are longer gowns too
• Prices start at $5.95

ROMPERS

$27.95

• Basically like a one-piece swim suit with a lot less fabric or coverage
• Great if you want to be a tease
• Take good care of it or else you'll be untangling it whenever you want to wear it
• Prices start at $13.95 at Yandy

DRESSES

$37.95

• Great for dressing up to go out
• Simple sexy

Bra & Panties

• Simple and easy
• Basic coverage
• Matching
• $20 Sets at Yandy

Bra Top Sets

• The top is a bra, the bottom could be a skirt or thong or boyshorts or fishnets etc.
• The bra isn't a supportive, every day bra
• Prices start at $5.95

Pasties

• Just covers a small area in the middle of your breast with adhesive

Teddys

• Usually a thin lace or silk fabric
• Generally cut in a shape hugging V-shape to minimally cover breasts and crotch

Costume Lingerie

• Great for variety or role playing or fantasy fulfilling etc.

Don't forget Robes and Shoes, too.

What's your favorite style of lingerie and why?

The Game of Love

{via}

If you missed out last year, make sure you create your very own Game of Love for Valentine's Day (It's in 24 days, by the way!).

You can just use a flat sheet so you can put it on your bed whenever you're ready to go if you don't want to use a fitted sheet. Then, create your own game board. The number of squares will be the number of "moves" you'll have to fill in. Basically, you come up with some moves to get him in the mood, tease each other a bit and have some fun. You don't have to wait until Valentine's Day to give him this gift, either.

In case you're wondering, here are The Official Game of Love Rules:
1. The player will roll a die, but the highest number can be 3 (so divide by 2 or the game goes too fast!)
2. Each square has a 1 1/2 minute time limit
3. No getting carried away- you have to stop at 90 seconds and roll again (the hubs might fight you on that one)
4. Only one person "plays" your role is just the game "facilitator"
5. The Final square is "Score" and you can't skip ahead (if ya know what I mean)

You can steal some ideas from Monica here or this list:
Shoulder rub
A little peck
-1 piece of clothing
1st base (pic of base)
Strawberries/Grapes
I love you because...
Head massage
Forward # spaces
Lose a turn
??? (roller’s choice of what you do-but remember you are doing it for the other person) 
French please!
Love the ladies (whoever rolls this the girl wins ;)
Choose your lotion (back rub…)
Mini make-out
Foot rub
2nd base
Outfit choice (you choose what the other will wear)
Back one space
Music
Free touch
+1 piece of clothing
Whipped cream
Sexy dance
XOXO…
Kiss every inch
???-your choice
Look, but don’t touch…
Forward two spaces
I love you because...
Trace/Draw on me…
Talk to me
9x8-3=??
I like mine French
"Head" massage
Close your eyes
3rd base
Chocolate pudding
Lose a turn
SCORE!!! (make sure this is last. I may have made my game go a bit odd and required lots of arrows to ensure this was last...)

If you want some toys go here. If you want to find some new, affordable lingerie go here. It could be a fun tradition to get something new (at least) every year.

Has anybody tried out this game? 

Did you actually make it through?

Guest Post: Lauren & Jason's Miracle Baby

Hello my fellow GwenInLove readers! Lauren here from reallifeexpatwife.blogspot.com. As usual, I was reading through Gwen’s blog and came across her post asking for guest bloggers. As soon as I read the request for someone to write about “How to Enjoy Sex through Infertility”, I jumped at the chance. Here’s our story.

My husband Jason and I have been married for a year and a half. I am 28 and he is 40. We met while dressed up at a Halloween party and had no clue of our age difference until our very first date where I found out more about him than I had bargained for. During that date, he spilled the beans about previously being married for 17 years, having two teenagers and about his divorce. I’m not sure if he told me that night or soon thereafter but he also made mention of the fact that he was snipped at the ripe old age of 20 thinking that he was done (he was a young daddy). I wasn’t concerned in the slightest because I had just gotten out of my previous relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious at all. It didn’t even phase me because “it wasn’t like I was going to marry him, right?” It’s funny how things work out, isn’t it?

After dating for a little over a month, Jason told me that he was being transferred to Singapore for work. We discussed parting ways shortly after he found out so neither of us would get too attached or hurt but neither of us were ready because we were having so much fun. During one discussion I jokingly said, “Well, why don’t I just come with you then?” He said that if I was serious, he would make it happen. Three months later, in March, we were engaged. Then off we went to Singapore in April. We were so in love, happily engaged, and seeking adventure without a care in the world. We spoke about having our very own family one day and were very excited with what the future would hold.

When we spoke about having kids (before we were married) we planned that Jason would have a vasectomy reversal the fall after our wedding. It can take up to a year for the procedure to work and we knew we wanted kids sooner than later. Jason had it stuck in his head that he is an old man and didn’t want to look like the Grandpa at their high school graduation (like that could ever happen!). At this point, we had moved from Singapore and were living in Salzburg, Austria so we started researching doctors who were experienced in the field. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that at 27 years old I would be hoping, praying to have a miracle baby with my sweet husband. In November 2011, Jason had his procedure done. After seeing the pain he went through I couldn’t help but think how much he loves me. Seriously, I felt so bad for him and wish that pain on no one. The doctor told us that because he is so young and healthy, it would most likely work and that when he felt better we could start going at it. When Jason finally let me near that region, we starting trying. It was so fun and exciting thinking that this time could be it. Rather than being discouraged, each month brought more excitement because it just had to work sooner or later. The doctor said so. I must have taken six or seven pregnancy tests before I started to feel like something just wasn’t right. Why was something that was supposed to be so right feel so wrong?

We went back to the doctor the following summer and found out that the procedure didn’t work yet and that he was still shooting blanks. Here’s the kicker though- the doctor said that it could clear out and work eventually or maybe it just didn’t work at all. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that it wouldn’t work. It had to work. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) was tossed around in the very beginning but I was just certain that the reversal would work. We talked about our options and decided that instead of waiting to see if it would eventually work (maybe the goop just didn’t clear out of the pipes yet) that we would start our road through IVF. We decided that we would enjoy the summer and if I still wasn’t pregnant come the end of August, we would start IVF in September.

In June, we came back to the States and found an amazing doctor we wanted to work with. Jason had his little procedure done (called a sperm aspiration) and all his little guys were frozen in case we needed them come September. I’m surprised he even let a needle near that area again. See, I told you he loves me!! 

August eventually came and I was still not pregnant. We came back to the States in September where I went through my exams, rounds of fertility drugs, and then had my egg retrieval and finally the egg transfer. Can I just tell you how emotional the process was? Especially the dreaded 2ww (two week wait) to see if the egg/s actually took. I took two pregnancy tests trying not to be discouraged before getting my BFP (big fat positive)!!

So here I am, 20 weeks pregnant with our little miracle baby. Looking back at all of the obstacles that we had to go through to get to this point, I am reminded how blessed I am and that each and every baby is a miracle no matter how it gets here. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wish we could have a baby the “normal” way but going through something like this has made our relationship so much stronger and will forever tell our child how much he or she was wanted.

With that being said, we thoroughly enjoyed each other through out our whole infertility adventure because we never knew when or if his reversal would work. We figured if it was meant to be, it would be. So who knows, after this little one maybe by the grace of God his reversal will have unclogged and maybe, just maybe we can get pregnant again the natural way. All I know is that after baby number two, Jason said he is going to get snipped again. I can’t even believe this crazy talk of him wanting someone to yet again mess with his manhood. I mean who knows, what if he wants more? ;)

So the moral of the story is, just keep on loving each other. Enjoy each embrace, each intimate moment together because you never know when or how your little miracle baby will get here. Best of luck to those who are planning to be or are on this crazy journey. I know exactly how you feel and wish you nothing but tons of baby dust!! Much love to you all. xx