Sail Away into Lingerie

The summer of love is coming to an end. So sad. With Fall approaching, it will be too chilly to strut around your husband in your bikini. So jump out of that sexy suit (or slightly-sexy-mostly-modest suit if you're like me) and into your lingerie. You do wear lingerie, right?

{via}

What kind of a lingerie girl are you? Do you like to buy your unmentionables in store or online? There are pros and cons to both:

In Store (Victoria's Secret, Fredricks, etc.)

Pros:

• Try things on for size before purchase
• Returns are easy with a trip to the mall
• Knowledgeable employees to help you out. I believe the Victoria's Secret girls offer free bra fittings.

Cons:

• Smaller selection (stores and products)
• Less discrete
• May be uncomfortable, especially in the more spicy stores

Online (3 Kisses Lingerie, Red Carpet Lingerie, and my favorite, Yandy Lingerie)

Pros:

• Discrete shopping. Great for first timers or shy types
• Easier to shop for sales
• Big selection including more options for plus size lingerie (i.e. Torrid, Always For Me)

Cons:

• More difficulty with returns. (However, I have returned items to Yandy Lingerie, and the process was surprisingly simple.
• Inability to try items on before purchase

What do you prefer? In stores, or online? Have you dared to stray from the comforts of Victoria's Secret?

Dancing Letters in Love

The Five Love Languages

Have you heard of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts? This is a fabulous book that can really change your perspective, and more importantly, your actions. I recommend reading this book along with your husband, a great way to get a conversation started.

Author Gary Chapman gives a little preview:

Gary Chapman has also written several other titles which you may find interesting:

The Five Love Languages of Children

The Five Love Languages Singles Edition
The 5 Love Languages Men's Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts
Covenant Marriage: Building Communication & Intimacy

Finance Week at Happily Married After

Happily Married After is running a Finance Week complete with giveaways and fancy guest posters. It's pretty much a party. You should wear a hat.

{Bonnie Tsang Photography}

The Art of Seduction

You can't expect your man to be raring to go every time you are. Sometimes a little bit of seduction is in order.

In case you need a bit of help, here's...

Gwen's Guide to Seducing Your Husband

1. Hanes may be Her way but they certainly aren't his. Ditch the granny panties and upgrade to something a little bit more alluring.
2. Walk the Walk, Talk the Talk. Play the part, girl, and flaunt what you've got.
3. Don't be a Sheepish Lambert shyly alluding to a romantic encounter. Come out roaring. Tell your man what you want and go get it. What are you waiting for?
4. Strip down and sneak around. Fire up a game of cat and mouse. Allow a kiss or touch then scamper away leaving him aching for more. Avoid jumping into your regular "routine."
5. You're Columbus and he's the New World. Take a tour and explore. Then let him have a turn aboard the Santa Maria.

Your turn. How do you seduce your man?

How To Keep Your Man -- Don't Have A Headache

Men (and women) stray. They break their promises and commitments. It happens and it's horrible. Cheating is no respecter of a church, courthouse, temple, or synagogue marriage. I don't believe cheating (usually) happens out of thin air. Generally there are months or years of disconnect between husband and wife. Maybe you don't foresee an affair, but but are you connected? Is your marriage rockin' hot or mediocre? How does your man feel? Have you asked him?

A mutually satisfying sex life is a powerful tool to bind couples together. One study explains:

"Sexual satisfaction has been identified as one of the most important factors associated with relationship satisfaction, which in turn is associated with relationship stability (Kumar, 1986). The three most common issues correlated with divorce are financial management, sexuality, and parenting. It is possible that a better understanding of the antecedents of sexual satisfaction could lead to interventions to improve sexual satisfaction and in turn relationship satisfaction and stability, and ultimately a reduced divorce rate.

-From the study, Examining the Relationship Between Antecedents of Sexuality and Women's Reported Level of Sexual Satisfaction During the First Five Years of Marriage.

As a wife you hold in your hands great power. You have the power to make your husband feel like a man or make him feel like a mouse. While a man may stray despite your love and effort, the chances are diminished if you compliment his biceps, tell him what a fabulous lover he is, or thank him for providing for you.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger puts it perfectly:

“Men need validation. When they come into the world they are born of women and getting their validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman. And when the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like a hero, he’s very susceptible to the charms of some other woman making him feel what he needs. And these days women don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give a man what they need... I hold women responsible for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”

Neither Dr. Laura nor I are suggesting you become your husband's sex slave. Far from it. The point is to learn to enjoy sex. Stop having a headache. Choose to not be too tired. You cannot control his actions, but you can control your own.

I am here to help my readers think about, and if necessary, change their actions. Most of my readers are girls, so I direct this to you. If my readers were predominately men, this would be a much different post. This message holds truth, of which I am a seeker. Don't allow your feathers to be ruffled. See the message for what it is.

Today, put aside your own wants and needs and think solely of him. What does he need today? What could you do to make him feel like a man?

Love Story -- Running From Cupcakes

Enjoy a Love Story by Jessica of Running From Cupcakes:

After going out for dinner to the Keg, my husband suggested we drive a short distance to the beach. It was late January so it was dark, a bit foggy, and no one was around.. but I had an idea of what could be happening, so I didn't mind! We started walking and I saw a park bench, so I just "had" to climb up to see what was on the other side of the wall.

My husband climbed up beside me, and a few seconds later he pulled a candy ring pop from his pocket (I always said I would marry him even if it was a candy ring). Then he asked me if I wanted the real thing, and all I could do was smile really big and nod my head fast.. I was so excited! We got down off the park bench, and after pulling the "real" ring out of his pocket, he bent down on one knee and asked me to marry him!!!

Do you think your Love Story is worthy to be featured? Email me at gwenisinlove {at} gmail.com.

Love Story -- Design Mom

Do you read Design Mom? Author Gabrielle Blair is fabulous and I want to be just like her when I grow up. I am so excited to introduce her to you via her Love Story. Enjoy!

Ben Blair and I are celebrating our 15th anniversary in August. Can you believe that?! I've been thinking of our (very short) courtship and I remembered a happy story. When Ben and I met, we had different levels of dating experience. I loved hanging out with boys and dated all the interesting ones I could find. Ben Blair had hardly dated at all.

One night, when we had just met, his friends and my friends started chatting about things like holding hands, good night kisses, and making out. What they meant. The level of seriousness they implied. (No sex -- we were all good Mormon kids.)

I was adamant that holding hands on a date was no big deal. In my view, it was just a simple way to show affection. Like greeting someone with a quick hug. Or taking your date's arm when you walk into the restaurant.

Ben Blair was adamant that holding hands was a very big deal. That you should never hold someone's hand unless you're seriously dating.

Cut to a few weeks later.

We still weren't dating, but we'd been hanging out more and more and I knew I wanted to date him. So I hatched a plan to let him know (so devious!). One night we were hiking in St. George. I was very familiar with this hike and knew there was a place where he would need to hold my hand to pull me up in a steep spot. Remembering our earlier "affection conversation" my idea was to keep holding his hand -- even after he'd helped me up -- so he would know I was serious about dating him.

Friends. It worked brilliantly! He took my hand to help me up. I scrambled up the rock and when he tried to drop my hand, I kept holding on. (What do you think? Too bold?). I remember he paused for a second, realized what I was doing, and sweetly held my hand for the rest of the night. In fact, we were engaged a few weeks later.

Not long after the engagement, I was telling this same story and Ben Blair said, "Actually. When you held my hand on the hike, I remembered our affection conversation too. I reminded myself that you thought holding hands was no big deal, so I assumed it meant nothing -- that you were just being friendly."

Cut to me. Blushing for hours.

We still hold hands all the time. No one knows what it means. : )

Such a sweet story. Thank you so much for sharing, Gabrielle. Do you think your Love Story is worthy to be featured? Email me at gwenisinlove {at} gmail.com.

5-Day Challenge Recap

So, how did it go? Are you more in love than you've ever been? Were there fireworks and butterflies? Did you end up doing it MORE than 5 times? Was it a wild success or a flop?

If it flopped, do you know why? If it didn't go over so well this week, don't give up. Next week you could clue him in on your plan. Maybe a more unified goal would work better for you.

{via}

Share your stories of the 5-Day Challenge in the comments below. And, as always, anonymous comments are welcome :)

Feeling Sexy Friday -- Be Naked

Anonymous said...

Do you have any tips on having more self confidence while in the buff? I know my sex life would be a rockin' if I wasn't so insecure about myself!

AUGUST 9, 2010 3:51 PM

Why, yes! I do have some ideas!

{via}

To feel more confident and sexy while naked:

1. Practice being naked. Alone first, and then with husband. Be naked while you do your makeup or while blowing your hair dry. Be naked at the end of the day while you read your book or surf the internet. Go ahead. Take your clothes off. (Just be sure the kids aren't around.)
2. Be clean while naked. You'll feel way more confident if your teeth are shiny and you smell like a rose.
3. Exercise. Not only will this rid you of unwanted flab, you will feel more connected emotionally and spiritually to your body. Feeling your body move and experiencing that movement with a present mind will help you appreciate and love your whole self.
4. Trust that your husband loves you. He chose you, body and all.

**Last day for the 5 Day Challenge! Don't give up now!**

Gotta Go?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I am not comfortable using a vibrator. I think it would actually be more detrimental than helpful to mine and my husband's sex life. Any tips would be good. I've only been married 6 months-our sex is decent, but I get irritated during intercourse. I always feel like I have to pee and certain positions make me cry for some reason...who knows...

AUGUST 11, 2010 9:48 PM

{Jessica Claire Photography}

Vibrator and other sex toy use is definitely a personal decision that should be made between husband and wife. While they can be great tools in teaching your body how to orgasm, they are not for everyone. Pain during intercourse is not uncommon and can be affected by level of arousal and timing in your cycle, among other things.

Between 40 and 54% of women experience a noticeable expulsion of fluid during intercourse. Only 14% report it as occuring regularly. This phenomenon is referred to as female ejaculation. It is rarely discussed and can be a confusing sensation and is often described as "needing to pee." There is a very good chance that this is what you are experiencing.

"When the leakage or expulsion of fluid from the urethra occurs at orgasm, a frequent response is for the woman to deliberately hold back her orgasm and the control this requires during love making prevents her abandonment to erotic pleasure and leads to lack of sexual satisfaction. Since achievement of sexual satisfaction is important in the induction of sexual desire (Riley, 2004), loss of sexual desire follows."

-Sexual desire inhibited by urethral expulsions by Professor of Sexual Medicine, Alan Riley

I would recomend discussing this with your husband. Try planning ahead and grabbing an old towel before you have sex. Try to relax and accept what happens. You may be one of the lucky few who gets to experience female ejaculation.

Understanding Your Body

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5-Day Challenge

After reviewing the comments from my last post, More, it seems the common theme is wanting to want more sex and needing advice on how to make it happen. I believe it is a learning process that requires study and action. Each post I write is ultimately intended to help you improve your sex life with your husband. Marital intimacy is the single most effective way to unite a husband and a wife.

{via}

If every couple would make daily intimacy their goal there would be fewer husbands who stray, fewer crabby wives, and altogether, less divorce. Clearly there will be days when physical intimacy is simply impossible or unattainable, the point is to make it your goal and your desire. Your relationship with your spouse should be the most lasting and intimate relationship you will ever be a part of. No one is more important than your spouse. Not your mother, your sister, your best friend, or your child.

You can not afford to be too busy or too tired for sex. If you haven't noticed, sex is not merely about the orgasm. While orgasm is a very key piece and should not be discredited, sex is also about submitting yourself to your spouse and reaching a higher emotional connection. Learning to orgasm more easily and increasing your libido are great ways to make marital intimacy more achievable.

These are all just words if you fail to act. Try initiating sex with your husband this week for five days straight and see what happens. You will be closer, happier, hornier, and more in love. Don't tell him what your plan is. Just love him.

P.S. Physical intimacy is not limited to intercourse. Intercourse is not always an option. Get creative and enjoy yourself.

Are you in? Will you commit? Sign up for the 5 Day Challenge in the comments below. And, as always, anonymous comments are welcome. On Friday I'll be eager to hear all of your wonderful stories about how rockin' hot your marriage is!

More

Questions:

1. Do you wish you had sex more often? Less often?
2. Do you think your husband wishes you had sex more often? Less often?

You may think you know what his response is. Have you asked him? Are you holding out or putting out?

Anonymous comments welcome :)

Love Story -- The Crowley Party

Enjoy a Love Story by the darling Alycia of The Crowley Party:

I had just transferred to a new University and knew absolutely no one. I decided to go walk around the campus and city to get familiar before my first day of school. When I was ready to go back to my apartment, I couldn't remember how to get there. Thankfully there was a guy in the parking lot that saw I was confused and gave me the directions I needed to get back home.

While walking around campus I saw that there was going to be a big beginning of the school year BBQ the next day. I decided that since I knew no one, this would be a good opportunity to meet some people and get more comfortable in a new place. So I went.

When I arrived at the BBQ the first thing I did was get in line for some water. It was a really hot evening and the line was very long, and I was at the end of it.

The guy standing in front of me went to get some water and it was all gone. I may have groaned a tad after waiting in that line for over 20 minutes or maybe he was just being a gentleman but he turned around and told me he knew where some more water was and he would be happy to go get me some. I of course thanked him, and that was that.

While walking around trying to talk to complete strangers, I see this guy running towards me. It was the guy who had helped with the directions. Unfortunately this guy became a leech. Seriously… glued to my hip the whole night while I am trying to meet new people and he was laying it on thick! He was trying to hold my hand and kiss me on my cheek!

I couldn’t take it anymore it was so awkward and he was ruining my night, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed the guy who had got me my water. He was digging through a cooler of ice cream bars. I turned to the “leech” and told him that I saw someone I knew and ran over to the “water guy.” Quickly I told him he needed to pretend to know me, maybe put his arm around me because I couldn’t get this other guy to stop leaving me alone. He was very happy to oblige.

FINALLY the leech started to walk away and give up. I gave a sigh of relief and thanked the water guy and started to walk away when he stopped me and asked me for my phone number. I remember thinking… “Really? I just tried getting away from this other dude and now you?” But he was sweet and cute, and he had helped me out big time, so I gave him my number.

He texted me that night asking me to go on a date… I kind of avoided his offers at first but then decided what the heck?!

Boy… am I happy I decided to go! After our first date I couldn’t believe I had tried blowing this guy off! After our first date we were pretty much inseparable! (I should really thank the leech for me meeting my husband.)

When he proposed to me nine months later I made the comment about how we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. Which Trevor quickly replied to that and said, "Ya, and we are going to have so much fun!" That has kind of developed into a motto. We think life should be a party, hence our Crowley Party!

Slice of Advice: Don't just say "I Love You." Tell them why you love them. Don't get so caught up in your life that you forget that you need to show that other person that you love them everyday even if it is just small and simple things to make their life easier. Put the other person and their feelings first.